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Would you date someone who has done porn?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Pornography, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 April 2012) 43 Answers - (Newest, 27 April 2012)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I am going to do a photo shoot in a few weeks...a photo shoot for a pornographic magazine and website. My closest friends, the only ones who know about it, have said that it may affect future relationships that I have. But is that really true?

No need to talk me out of it, and no need to spare my feelings. I'm only curious if you would ever date someone who has done porn.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I was done responding, but I have to comment on that last reply from an anonymous female.

Please don't attack my character or tell me that my brain isn't developed. That's not how you convince someone to agree with you. And that's definitely not how you talk to someone that you don't know one thing about. Plenty of people answered the question before you who have the same stance as you, but were able to share their opinions in a non-confrontational way.

It's rare that anything people say annoys me, but you, ma'am, have the fine distinction of being an exception. Shame on you.

And for what it's worth, sex doesn't mean anything at all to me now. So, it really wouldn't be that much of a change to do pornography. Why didn't I mention that in the question? Because that's not what my question was about.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2012):

Your rational on the reasons these choice makes sense is so typical when young women get sucked into this.

"""if a girl has a lot sex anyway, is getting paid by a professional production company to do it such a bad thing?"""

Do you actually think you are going to have the kind of sex you are having so much of now? Sorry, you are sadly mistaken. There a tons of people who have lots and lots of sex every day and they don't get into porn or even film themselves, so that's just ignorant rational right there.

Are you really that niave??? Yes, you are because you are still young and your brain has not yet fuly developed to see the consequences or reality of these choices.

Do you actually think you are that special to be chosen to do this? No, these slick salesman will strike when they see potential 50+ times a day and will sell the moon, make them feel like they are a star and hope that at least one of them falls for it and follows through until they have you hooked. They are always looking for fresh meat and know perfectly well, they would not be able to catch as many older, life experienced women in the same way. First pictures, and then you can move on to staged sexual acts.

What makes this company "professional"? Are they top rated on the BBB or something? Not likely....did you check out their background, get references from the "porn stars" who work for them? Have the photographers/camera people had a criminal background check? Get real....

"But really, put yourself in my position: you're a young girl who's offered an easy $2500 for two days of having your picture taken doing something you've done enough in your life anyway. Maybe I'm being overly optimistic, but an opportunity is an opportunity. Who knows where it could take me?"

*UGH* this opportunity is not going to take you anywhere but down...once it's done, it's done, there is no turning back...so you earn a easy $2,500 and then they say, we will pay you this much if you do this, but you need some body work done (oh ya, save your first paychecks because they don't pay for the boob job and other stuff they will convince that you need for getting more and better work) and the stakes keep getting higher and higher with more and more degrading acts to perform (because that's what sells) until you have no dignity at all...but hey, the money was quick, but soon you find that it didn't come so easy anymore...these are things you can't possibly see or will be willing to believe because, again, you do not have the mental capacity to understand it yet. I don't think you will be able to grasp all this until it's too late.

I tell you all of this because I have daughters around your age I have been raising on my own since they were almost babies.... and I would be heartbroken if they did what you are going to do. Luckily, one is finishing her third year of college studying to be a social worker and the other is finishing her first year heading into a medical field, just not decided yet. And because I do know a friend who's daughter went down that path and it was horrible...she was shunned in her hometown, treated terrible by people who knew her growing up, she coulnd't get a real job (no education and reputable companies would not hire her because of her porn), she couldn't even work as a lunch lady at the school because of the kids) she started doing drugs to get through the tough sex, which lead to hard drugs, she could not find a normal relationship with a man, decided she thought she would be with women instead, that didn't work, she lost her looks because of all the drinking and drugs, went into rehab, that didn't work, and sadly ended up committing suicide when she was just shy of her 29th birthday. For her it all started because she was enticed to work in a strip club, then they told her she should get bigger boobs, then she was approached to "take pictures"...she fell for it hook line and sinker, and it just went to hell. Oh, she was on cloud nine at first, how fun and easy it was...the pics were mild, just touching/kissing, then it went to penetration, then cum, then urine..that's as far as I am going on it....

It's extreme, but it does happen how far this whole thing can go wrong. You just don't see much of it or hear it and it certainly wouldn't be something a "professional company" you claim they are, would disclose.

You are going to do what you are going to do, but maybe what you can do is wait. Why not give it six month or even a year and see if it's something that you still think you want to do. If it's really this "amazing opportunity", it will still be there. Maybe in the mean time you can think of something to do with your life that will be fulfilling and leave you with a sense of pride and accomplishment...something that will take your life to a better place and you can grow and you will be happy. The life you are choosing is a temporary thing that will not leave you with anything to be proud of.

"If some guy will date you after you've done porn" will be the least of your problems once you head down that path, I can promise you that.

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A male reader, eek United Kingdom +, writes (25 April 2012):

eek agony auntIf you want to talk to me as I have done a small bit of porn in my past feel free to pm me and I will try to answer any questions or worries. Just because some people don't approve does not mean your doing something awful. You can't keep everyone happy all the time. The important thong is your happy with who you are and what your doing. Good luck :-)

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A male reader, Serpico United States +, writes (25 April 2012):

I would never date a woman who has done porn, nor do I know any guy who would, at least not with anything long term in mind.

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A female reader, celtic_tiger United Kingdom +, writes (25 April 2012):

celtic_tiger agony auntOP, you have obviously made your mind up about doing this, and no one is going to change your mind on that.

BUT - listen to those who care and worry about you. Often in situations, we don't see the potential dangers in what we are doing because we are so totally involved with our own actions. Everyone else can see a car crash waiting to happen, but we are oblivious to it ourselves until it is too late.

These people care about you. They do not want to see you getting hurt, or something that you will regret terribly later on.

You mention that these are photos for a magazine and a website.... you realise once they are on the web, they can basically be copied, pasted and used anywhere? These photos could turn up on any of the porn sites available on the internet.

Just imagine if this is a one off, and future boyfriends (and their families), employers, work mates etc, happen to stumble upon them - would you feel proud? Could you stand up and tell them why you did it?

Once taken, these picture will NEVER go away. They will be available at the click of a button forever.

If you have kids, would you mind your teenage son finding them (all boys look at porn), or his friends? How do you think he would feel?

Sex is something very special, and you can have an incredibly high sex drive with the person you love and enjoy sex for sex sake, BUT ..... porn is not real, its not about feelings, its not about love or care.

You will have to have sex with somone you have only just met - what if they are horrible? What if you are not turned on in the slightest, what if you feel totally repulsed by them? Tough. Your pleasure will not come into this at all. It is an act. There will be no foreplay, no tenderness, no kissing or touching to get you warmed up - just straight down to business, multiple times until the job is done. Is that really all sex means to you?

This is your life, your body and your choice, and I really hope you make the right decision for you.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (25 April 2012):

person12345 agony auntOP I'm not "judging" you because I'm prude or something, I'm trying to talk you out of it because I volunteer with many women who have been through this and most of them either suffered abuse, became addicted to drugs, and/or suffer SEVERE paranoia that others will see the videos/photos even when they went into it thinking they wouldn't care. Even the famous porn actresses wish they hadn't done it, like Jenna Jameson. When asked, would you let your daughter get into this the answer is a resounding NO even from someone who is a celebrity from it.

The porn industry is one that chews up women and spits them out. It's very easy to be seduced by the first few paychecks, they seem really high for something so easy. But this industry is one that doesn't like repeats of faces, and it's incredibly easy to have to start doing harder core things (like triple penetrations) to earn the same money, before either you become injured or no one will hire you anymore.

The average length of time a woman is in porn is 3 months. It's just that mentally and physically tolling nowadays. The rate of STDs is about 10x the general population. You don't get a choice in condoms or not since almost none use them. You will be exposed to the bodily fluids of male and female performers frequently. Most of these companies do not care about the spread of STDs until after it happens, even if they require testing. A huge portion of porn nowadays does anal and facial shots, so you will have to do that too if you want to get a job anywhere.

Like Cerberus mentioned, if you want to not do something, at first they will likely respect that, but after awhile you're going to either have to quit or do it. It is very common to also pull women onto set promising them one kind of scene, then essentially forcing them into doing another, either through threatening to sue them for signing the contract and "backing out" or through emotional bullying that is intended to "break" you. BBC filmed this happening to one performer and it was frightening to watch this otherwise strong woman be turned into a cowering sobbing mess. They found the scene so close to rape that they actually intervened. Let's not forget that rape is not unheard of either.

I'm not doing this because I don't understand you or am judging your choices, I'm doing this because I don't think you are being realistic about what generally happens in this industry. I know many women who have done it and not one of them came out the other side without at least some emotional injury. This isn't just easy money. Yes it's possible that you will go in, do it, make some easy money, walk away and get on with things. But it's not probable.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2012):

Just a bit of a warning OP, porn can be tough to do and very often they may want you to do things you really don't want to do, and in the heat of that moment with cameras on you, the promise of that money and the fact that if you don't do whatever it is you'll probably never get another porn job, there is immense pressure for you to go beyond your limits.

Set up your terms at the start, do not deviate and if you're completely against something like anal, do not let them talk you into it, the money is not worth the emotional turmoil,no job is.

So if they push you or try and go too far, tell them to fuck off, put on your clothes and go home.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you all so much! Some of your answers, especially the last few, brought me to tears. I was really starting to lose faith that anyone could be understanding of the choices I make, but many of you have proved me wrong.

Lesson learned: there are those who judge a subject based on their own convictions, and there are those who judge based on the character of the subject. Hopefully, I'll meet more of the latter.

One thousand thanks!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2012):

Yeah I would date someone who has done porn but not one who is doing porn.

I see no difference between girls with promiscuous pasts, have done porn in the past or been prostitutes. In fact porn and prostitution to me can be a safer bet than girls who were promiscuous, they did it for the money but promiscuous girls (and guys for that matter) may just not be a "one-person" type person, or they may have cheated a lot or not had any problem cheating with other peoples partners besides there is really no difference between a woman who "believes" in the type of "chivalry" where they expect the guy to pay for all the meals and drinks than there is a porn star or prostitute nor is there a difference with the type of girl who likes to sleep with wealthy guys for the material benefits. I would have a lot easier a time dealing with a girl who did a 'train' because she was paid to for a movie than a girl who did it because she was drunk at a party for example. I would have more trust for a porn actress than I would a woman who has knowingly and consistently used guys for their money and gifts. I would have far more respect for a woman who has done porn but pays an equal share in our dates than the type who thinks she's somehow entitled to have everything paid for and calls guys who don't "cheap".

The reason I wouldn't date a woman who currently does porn or is a prostitute is because I'm territorial and simply don't want any girl I'm with being with any other guy (or girl) regardless of whether they're paid or not. Plus I just know a girl who is sitting under hot lights in front of 20 people and cameras having to perform stop-start sex all day is not really going to be in the mood to make love that often.

OP as far people thinking negatively about you in the future for doing it well unfortunately you're a woman and people are going to think negatively about you for a lot of things. Slut-shaming even amongst women is all too common and people are just going to find a way of putting you down unless you wear a burka and save yourself for marriage. There will always be backward weird guys and there will always be open minded guys who don't judge you based on your past. You're not going to miss-out on mr. right just because you did porn, because mr. right is not going to be such a judgemental insecure person in the first place.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (25 April 2012):

chigirl agony auntHa, I get all my partners tested, whether they did porn or not. I learned my lesson when I trusted a boyfriend I once had. We were having sex without a condom (I was on the pill) and I thought he'd been tested! But as he revealed he had NEVER been tested. And what's worse: he had NEVER used a condom before either!

After that shocker... well, I ran to get tested, luckily came out clean, and now I make sure everyone I have sex with have been tested and ask about their STD history. It's not to be mean or to make accusations.. just looking out for my health.

But like I said, that goes for anyone, whether they've done porn or not doesn't really matter when it comes to taking care of your health.

As for respecting your own body.. there are women out there who don't respect themselves or their own body, but they don't do porn. And then there are women who respect their bodies and DO porn. There is no connection really between the two, respecting yourself comes from inside yourself, and not from whatever action you make. People often say that girls who have one night stands don't respect themselves (funny how this concerns only the girls and not the boys..), but it isn't true. Women these days can openly admit to loving sex, and want it just as much as men do. Openly saying this doesn't mean we do not have self respect. But OP, as you see, there are loads of old clichés about the female sexuality still running around, and many men ARE conservative. You are going to have to face this in your life once it gets out that you've done the shots. You will have people come up in your face at social gatherings wanting to debate with you, because you've singled yourself out. If you want to do this you also need to be strong enough, and confident enough, to face the consequences.

But really, the same problem would occur if you get a facial tattoo or facial piercing. Conservative people don't agree with it, don't like it, and are going to get up in your face about it.

Same thing could happen if you have an abortion and are open about it. There are always going to be people who don't agree with your actions. What I think you should do is take everyone else's opinions out of the equation and focus on the ONLY opinion that really matters: yours. If you feel uneasy about this, then don't do it. If you feel excited and happy about it, then go ahead.

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (25 April 2012):

Well OP, if you are fully aware of the risks and long term consequences it may have and you're okay with that, sure, go ahead. I think the reason most of us react so vehemently is because we don't know you, don't know how much thought you put into this and would rather not have a young girl like you end up somewhere where you may have to cross your own lines and get manipulated.

Sure enough, porn is a big industry and if you get with a legit company you will find actresses who actually enjoy their work. I'm just pointing out there are a lot of cons to that big sum of money you'll be getting and that the image many have of a porn actress is very negative, even if she is a kind, intelligent woman.

Why not ask the company if you could be present at another shoot (not as a participant but as a viewer) so you can get an idea of what you'll be doing, the atmosphere and whether you're really up for it? If afterwards you still think it's a good idea, you'll be less likely to be surprised.

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A male reader, Hugh.J United Kingdom +, writes (25 April 2012):

Hugh.J agony auntI don't watch porn (well ok, now and again!), but I must say some of the reactions on here surprised me. Hypocritical? Yes!

The lifetime of a porn actress is somewhat limited and lasts for as long as she remains attractive or until people want someone new, so if you have what it takes then go for it.

I cannot understand those that admit to watching porn and gain pleasure from seeing the ladies involved and then deride you for wanting to join them, or would want to turn you down as girlfriend material. Talk about double standards.

There is an Auntie on here whom I earlier referred this question to but the Mods wouldn't post it, who used to be a porn actress and is now in a polyamorous relationship. She is the loveliest person you could imagine, not at all shallow or vacuous and very intelligent with a great personality - does that fit the stereotype? If you want to know her name so that you can contact her, P.M. me as the Mods won't let me post it in open forum. Understandable, I suppose.

I suggest you go along to this shoot and see what is involved and if you are still happy with what is expected of you, go ahead. Good luck.

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A male reader, JustHelpinAgain Canada +, writes (25 April 2012):

OP it wasn't clear what kind of photo were going to be taken but it sounds like you are planning a hard porn shoot with very graphic photos of one or more guys penetrating you?

Yes the porn industry is the global no 1 business but it is also no1 for degrading and disrespecting women. The women that work in this business are, as we are informed, generally drug adicts, mentally ill, and have lost all self respect. I don't know if this generalisation really is true but by joining in you will label yourself as such. You may well be the sweetest plain Jane from down the road but you won't change this image.

As many have said, there would probably be plenty of guys that would date you for sex but to find that special guy will be a lot harder. For a partner we seek strong mutual love, caring, and respect. If you don't care and respect yourself first you will fail in real relationships.

You sound a literate and intelligent person and I have no doubt you can find another way to earn $2500, and whats more, keep earning it. Once the photo company has thousands of high res digital images of you. You will be finished with. Unless you get a good contract lawyer you will be used for ever, all over the world.

Be smart before you do something you will very likely live to regret.

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A female reader, jr23 United States +, writes (25 April 2012):

jr23 agony auntI personally wouldn't have a problem dating someone who has done porn, as long as they weren't doing it anymore. I would also want them to be tested to make sure they didn't have any diseases before we made the relationship official. I'm not trying to be mean in saying that, I would just be looking out for my health.

That said, I suspect a lot of men would have a problem with it. Some men have a problem with a woman having too much of a sexual past, never mind doing porn.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (25 April 2012):

Tisha-1 agony auntAh, so the question you posed was to ask people generally if they would date someone who did porn?

So what have you learned? That people have differing ideas and some will date a porn model and some won't. Is that surprising to you?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

My last response must have been misleading, I'm not poor or hungry or homeless. It's nothing I'm doing out of necessity.

It's just a job opportunity that I'm strongly considering taking.

And maybe it seems like I haven't fully thought it through since I haven't come to the same conclusions as you, but I have. This has been weighing on me for about a month, and, as I said, the photo shoot is now only a few weeks away.

I guess we just have very different values.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (24 April 2012):

Tisha-1 agony auntAs for being broke, well, let me tell you that I spent a lot of weeks eating cheap nasty hotdogs with coleslaw because that was all I could afford. Passed up a lot of evenings out with friends because I couldn't buy anything and wore a lot of old clothes for a long time.

Keep your head down, focus on the longterm goal and you can survive a lean time.

If you are literally starving and your mother and friends don't have any money to give you then maybe you have no choice.

How do you access the internet, out of curiosity?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2012):

no way! i want a girl who respects herself, her body is her temple. Its really a big turn off when a girl has done porn and quite sad really. I guess once youve sold your soul and body there is no going back, no one will take you seriously and any relationship would be lacking any real substance, the money you earn will soon dwindle, along with your youth and looks and youll be left with, well, nothing...no dignity, respect, admirable career and most probably no love.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (24 April 2012):

Tisha-1 agony auntWhere would you like to be?

And how much will that $2500 be after taxes? It'll be a lot less. That may also show up on future credit reports or background checks for different jobs.

I'm not hearing that you've actually thought this all the way through.

Are you homeless or hungry? Do you have a habit that requires a great deal of cash? Or a child to feed?

I'm not getting that you're doing this because you WANT to do it. You're doing it because you feel desperate, is that right? That's probably why a lot of people who do it wind up there, and probably why it's not a sustainable career choice for most people.

$2500 doesn't seem like enough for images that will be out there for a long time.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks again, everyone. This time a special thanks to Chigirl. Your reply was so nice!

Well, I'm not sure what to do. I did mention that I was considering this to my mother, and obviously she vehemently disapproved.

But really, put yourself in my position: you're a young girl who's offered an easy $2500 for two days of having your picture taken doing something you've done enough in your life anyway. Maybe I'm being overly optimistic, but an opportunity is an opportunity. Who knows where it could take me? What if it leads to me starting some charity for girls who were abused? I'll never know unless I do it.

I can tell many of you shook your heads in disgust at my question, but it's something that I am struggling with. I'm at a major turning point in my life, and this, or the money I'd make from this, could be that little push that takes me somewhere I'd like to be.

If you're one of the women who's repulsed, consider yourself fortunate for never having to even think about doing something like this. And if you're one of the men who's repulsed, well, I sure hope you've never watched porn.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2012):

Ask yourself this; if your Mother had done pornographic shoots would you be proud of her or appalled? Also you will definately have future relationships but I don't think there interest will be in your mind and soul!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2012):

The main point I'd like to make in this post is that SEX is the Number #1 business online. It's like some sort of dirty little secret.

I had a co-worker friend who used to work part-time as a Dancer at club here in my Midwestern home town. She told me all kinds of amazing stories. Well to me they were amazing because I've never been a Dancer! :0

For example one of the dancers held a professional-level job during the day who picked up TONS of cash for dancing once in awhile at night. For 2 or 3 hours of jiggling around, topless, men will pay dollars and more dollars to watch. It's just a fact.... the demand is there. There were a few ladies, according to my co-worker friend, who made more than $100,000/year as Dancers!

I'm posting this to suggest the possibility that the OP is doing the online sex thing for CASH. Based on her description, it sounds like she is in fact doing ok.

In closing, just want to finish by saying as I listened to my co-worker describe what dancing actually entailed, and how much money a Dancer could make in 1 night, I actually imagined what it would be like to walk away from 3 hours of work with $500 cash instead of $25 in tips as a Barista at a coffee shop!

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (24 April 2012):

chigirl agony auntRegarding your follow-up (didn't see it at first):

I don't think it's about the promiscuity. The porn thing is a different matter. There is a difference between keeping sex private and going public with it. You can have loads of sex, but that doesn't mean porn suddenly is the same. It's still a whole different scenario. It's about private vs public.

It's like saying that you should pee and poop in public, since you do it loads anyway. The difference is in whether it is private or not. And of course, there's the difference in getting paid for it or not.

If you don't see a difference then ok, you'll just have to find a partner who agrees with you.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (24 April 2012):

chigirl agony auntI wouldn't mind. Im bisexual, btw, but I wouldn't mind no matter if you were a boy or girl. But I'm liberal that way. More conservative people will have a problem with you doing porn, so this is a question about what sort of man you're looking for. If you want someone conservative then yes, this will cause problems for you. If you want someone liberal and open-minded then no, this wont be a problem.

Hey, there are conservative men these days who have a big problem if the woman earns more money than them too, but you can't please everyone, can you? You just got to do what feels right to you and not let a man, or a potential date, dictate how you can lead your life and what you can or can not do. If this is something you WANT, then go for it. A conservative man is bound to have arguments with a liberal woman regardless of what she's done or not, since a conservative man might even have a problem with you even considering this!

I've done tons of things that makes me unattractive to some men. But the very same things makes me attractive to others. You just got to remember that you want someone to love you for YOU, not for some fake version of the "perfect" woman. If this means that some men will back away.. then so be it. There is no need for you to be attractive to ALL men, you wont be anyway whether you do the photo-shoot or not.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (24 April 2012):

person12345 agony aunt"Maybe the problem isn't the fact it's porn, it's just the perceived promiscuity."

Well it's not really perceived since you are "having sex" with lots of people you don't know. There is very little similarity between someone having a lot of sex and being paid to do it though. Being paid to do it means you have to do things you don't want with people you aren't attracted to and you have to keep at it for hours and do it over and over again.

You also do not have the "luxury" of condoms and you will be exposed to bodily fluids frequently. Most porn nowadays involves anal sex and facial shots so you'll have to do that as well. There are cameras around and other people watching, it won't feel like "sex," it is a performance and it is work.

Not to mention there is a reason drug abuse is so rampant on porn sets, it's very mentally and physically tolling. There's also a reason the average length of time a woman stays in porn is only 3 months. It's not uncommon for porn performers to suffer paranoia for the rest of their lives that someone they know or just random people on the street will have seen them in porn and that can have a serious impact on their ability to get a job or just go be in the world. I'd strongly caution against doing this if you have other options for income.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (24 April 2012):

Tisha-1 agony auntIt's not so much the perceived promiscuity as the reasons people imagine lie behind the decision to do porn. That's what niggles at people. Why would a lovely young woman decide to do porn? There's something that happened to her that has led her to think her best asset is her genitalia. Maybe she has a deep need for attention and this has been the only she's been able to get it. Maybe she was abused in the past and has distorted thinking that causes her to seek validation and affection by having multiple sex partners.

Of course, she could be a perfectly healthy woman with a massive sex drive and who has decided getting paid would be fine, and she doesn't mind the potential future repercussions for her life and her career.

The point is that people rarely go too deeply into the why with the object of their speculation (in this case, you) and just allow that background thinking to go on. You won't be able to control how people perceive your decision; they will decide for themselves. It may be dead on accurate or it may be a wild guess but this will have follow on effects that you haven't worked through.

If I were you, I'd do some research into the stories of the people who have left porn, to get a more fully balanced view.

Your body, your life. It just seems a bit sad to me that you are about to float your images out there, ones that would be hard to explain to mom and dad and sister and brother and niece and nephew, and some day, perhaps, children and spouse. I figure if you can't justify it to Mom, maybe it's not really worth doing, but that's just me.

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (24 April 2012):

Ah sorry, your follow up showed up after I posted my answer. As to your question:

"if a girl has a lot sex anyway, is getting paid by a professional production company to do it such a bad thing? Especially since the truly professional companies require regular STD testing, something that you can never be sure regular people have really had."

Well, for most people, even the promiscuous ones, sex is something private. When you're having a lot of sex for fun and because you like it, that's one thing. If you have it in front of cameras with a whole crew who dictates who you're having it with, what positions you're doing it in, it kinda loses all it's worth, doesn't it? A guy who dates you would probably want the sex between you and him to mean something. How could it ever mean something if you have a history of getting paid to do it?

Sure, the professional companies have regular STD testing. But that doesn't mean you're safe. You'll be having a lot of sex once you sign up for it, with a lot of different people. In that situation regular STD testing doesn't really mean much anymore. Most porn actresses have STD's or have had them. Porn actresses like Jenna Jameson have said this.

Not every guy will judge you for it, and if you do this only once your exposure will be limited, but the deeper you get sucked into that world (and that happens quite quickly) the harder it is to get out. You'll make name and it'll be harder to hide. If you look at young and 'upcoming' porn actresses almost all of them have succumbed to the industry pressure to get plastic surgery. Almost all of them have their vaginas altered, implants in their boobs and sometimes even facial alterations.

If I may ask, why exactly are you interested in doing this?

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (24 April 2012):

Yes it is true.

To put it quite simply: guys like gals like you to have casual sex with (but with protection because they fear you're STD central) but they won't consider you for a real relationship. Not all guys think like this, but many do.

I know a girl who did the same thing you plan to do and she had great difficulty finding a bf because guys were turned off by the idea that anyone who wanted to got to see her private bits. Her current bf sort of accepts her, but he has a case of retroactive jealousy, so their relationship is rocky at best. If you're up for being viewed as a slab of meat and being looked down upon for a sum of money, go for it. The consequences will ripple on and on in your life.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Wow! Thank you all for your (sometimes BRUTAL) honesty. I really, really, really appreciate it, and it has given me quite a bit to consider. I understand that once it's out there, it's out there; that doesn't faze me now, but it's hard to predict how I'll feel in the future.

Special thanks to Miss Tisha-1 for letting me know exactly what she'd think, and to Mr. Eek for being so understanding.

I'll leave you all with something to consider, as well: if a girl has a lot sex anyway, is getting paid by a professional production company to do it such a bad thing? Especially since the truly professional companies require regular STD testing, something that you can never be sure regular people have really had.

Maybe the problem isn't the fact it's porn, it's just the perceived promiscuity.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2012):

Wow. Mum and Dad must be so proud.

No, I would not touch a girl who takes porn pics or has to have sex in front of a camera for the whole world to see, with a 10 foot poll.

It's very sad, that a girl your age can't find it within yourself to go and get a good education and do something worthwhile with your life. You get into that industry, whatever damaged goods you are in the first place to even consider it, you will come out of it even worse. Go seek counseling and find out what drives you to such lengths to degrade yourself and want to disrespect your beautiful body.

Bottom line, we (men) are keeping the industry going, but in the real world, many men who knew you did porn would completely dettach emotionally, make you the ultimate right now girl, use you for sex, armed with condoms to protect from possible STD's you picked up along the way, quest and conquer, male bragging rights and throw you away like yesterday's garbage, and move on. Or be completely embarrassed if another male friend recognized you, and would keep you a secret. Or your photography is so photoshopped, you will be a disappointment in the real world.

We will give you all the attention you crave and ask you to do the most depraved things when we are behind our computer screens watching you screw/blow someone, and the immature guys would try to do as much as they see on porn to you instead of having a real intimate sexual experience with you in person. More mature experienced guys in real life would be disgusted and look down on you as something to pick off the bottom of their shoe. You could keep it a secret and not tell anyone who you date, but it will come out eventually. It always does.

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A male reader, doublejack United States +, writes (24 April 2012):

I'll be completely honest and say that I would date a woman who has done porn, but the relationship would never be anything serious. A woman who has been involved in porn does not share my values, so that would disqualify her from any kind of relationship with me.

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A male reader, Jmtmj Australia +, writes (24 April 2012):

Jmtmj agony auntDate..? not a chance.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2012):

I guess many fans/supporters of pornography would still date you without any reservations because many of them feel porn is harmless and not real anyway. So I think they would have less of a problem with your porn activities.

If I met a guy who had appeared in porn, I wouldnt even date him let alone want a relationship with him. I think your friends are right. Not only is there the potential for relationship problems in the future but you will probably be limiting your appeal to some guys too.

Getting your butt out for cameras is hardly the same as winning the Nobel Prize.

It takes no talent or intelligence to appear in pornographic material. It is trashy. So be prepared for some girls to immediately go off you. Not want their guys around you etc. If your family find out they will probably be mortified. It will almost certainly mean some jobs are off limits to you in the future. Future children will be ashamed of you if your past is discovered. And most partners would be terrified of discovery in case co workers found out about you, mocked him or were rude about you. That`s an awful lot of negatives, so give it some thought before you do this.

I hope you dont go ahead with it. If I were your mother it would make me very sad. You are young, I am sure you are a lovely girl. You have your whole life ahead of you and it could be a beautiful life. Im not sure why you would want to blight it and ruin chances just to appear in pornography, so some sad old guys can masturbate over your image for a few seconds before they move on to the next girls image. Its sad.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2012):

If we were dating, I would 100% be alright about it and wouldn't change my view of you. Also Since your honest about admitting it, I think it shows a ton of character, and that is rare these days. If the Dude isn't comfortable, he's not worth your time because he's self-conscious and is acting confident when he's actually weak.

BTW make a decision based on what you think not the opinion of others. You have to make yourself happy, because you have to live with self. You are never going to please everyone in the world, so you may as well please yourself.

If the guy can't handle you for who you are 100%, then go to the next on until you find a person that appreciates ya.

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A male reader, eek United Kingdom +, writes (24 April 2012):

eek agony auntPersonally I don't see it as an issue. Plenty of people have "interesting" pasts I myself have given it a try, it was a joke for my friends for a short time but I have never had any problems from it. When dating I don't normally tell many people and anyone I have told did not have an issue with it. Just be aware its not like being in bed with a lover, your stuck into different positions not all of which are comfortable and you have to look like your enjoying yourself. If your wanting to try it, its your life give it a go and enjoy. You might even be able to look back at it and laugh one day.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2012):

what kind of photo shoot?

To me, it's okay if the girl has nude pictures on the internet. But if you're going to have sex in front of the camera, that's a different story.

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A male reader, Steelhawk65 United States +, writes (24 April 2012):

Steelhawk65 agony auntNo, not me. But chances are you'll be under a fake name, lots of makup ect. so unless you tell them they'd never know

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A male reader, Lt1birdman United States +, writes (24 April 2012):

I would, for me I am not really one to judge anyone for theor sexuality. You happen to be proud of your body and show it to the world there is nothing wrong with that in my book. Some of us are more conserved with our sexuality than others i for one find no problem with dating anyone who does or did anything with the adult industry.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (24 April 2012):

Tisha-1 agony auntHere are the things that occur to me when I hear someone is choosing to do porn:

She's been abused

She had an absent or abusive or distant father

She started having sex too young

She's confused about what kind of male attention is desirable

She's not really very intelligent

She's going to wind up with huge plastic fake boobs, bleached lifeless hair and ridiculous amounts of makeup

These are just the random thoughts that arise, I expect other people will have their own list of assumptions. I wouldn't say those out loud to anyone one, but I would think them, quietly.

It's a bit peculiar that you've decided yet you still need to ask the question here. Is the question a means of challenging people's assumptions? I mean, the obvious answer is that some guys will mind and some won't. What do you expect the answer to be?

I guess it's the exhibitionist in you that has to ask?

Back in my dating days, anyone in the porn industry would have been an immediate 'no', and the same is true for my husband. Most of our friends I think would feel the same way. There are one or two who like to party.... but for the most part, no one I know would feel good about presenting a former porn model to their parents and friends. It would feel like you couldn't find someone intelligent enough to know better, sorry for the bluntness, but there it is.

And once those pictures are out there, they are out there forever. They could surface and harm future career choices as well. Your close friends who know, well, all you need is one who can't keep the secret to herself or himself and before you know it, your quiet work choice will precede you wherever you go.

I know people gossip like crazy. You'll go from "Janet, the college student and aspiring actress" (or whatever your current label might be) to "Janet, the porn model." That will be how you will be defined by many people. I know there's more to people than the immediate label, but there you are.

So there will be some people who don't care and there will be people who do. Some will be guys.

There will be guys who want to have sex with you because you are a porn model and will consider dating you, and there will be guys who will want to have sex but would never consider you as dating material. There are some who will worry about what STDs you may have encountered. Most will assume that you are up for sex with random guys.

Again, people will make assumptions based on this choice of yours, like it or not.

So why ask a question this simplistic? Some guys will, some guys won't. Pretty basic.

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A female reader, traeumerin242 United States +, writes (24 April 2012):

It may affect your relationships for a while, but if it's just this one time, people will get over it. It may even get you some dates from guys for a little while, though those guys may be more interested in you for your sex appeal rather than in who you are as a person.

If you continue to make porn, it definitely will affect your relationships. Most guys wouldn't want to date someone who shows herself to the whole world. It says that you are willing to show your body to the millions of random men who happen to come across your photos on the internet. Your boyfriend isn't so special anymore at that point because he's not the only one who is seeing you naked.

I suppose my answer to your direct question is yes, I would date someone who has done porn, but I would have to be sure that running around phase of their life was done.

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A female reader, Wisdom Australia +, writes (24 April 2012):

Wisdom agony auntMyself personally no. My male friends no.

In the ever changing world of internet and technology, remember that anything that goes on the internet you can never get it off. Future relationships, Jobs and such are in jeapody. I respect your choice to do what you feel is right but I hope you think this though.,.. ask yourslef this if one day you have children and they go to school and one of their class mates finds these pictures of you how are you going to feel then?

Please really think about what you are doing. Why are you doing it and what are you expecting from it?

Good luck

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A male reader, anonymous12345150 United Kingdom +, writes (24 April 2012):

i wouldn't touch a girl who had done porn i wouldn't even consider it

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (24 April 2012):

person12345 agony auntYes, that would be a problem for some guys. Not all. It's not just relationships though, it's also future jobs. You want to risk that your future employer or coworkers have seen you in porn? Just remember once those photos are out there, you can't take them back.

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