A
female
age
51-59,
*loral girl
writes:If your fiancée doesn’t give you a Valentine or a birthday present (Feb. 17th) after 6 years would you be upset? I have spent months taking care of him after his cancer treatment. I would have loved a card, but he just calls me names.
View related questions:
fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): Oh my...seems like you are feeling some of the same things that I felt on Valentine's Day, Birthday, and Christmas. I am here to say that Valentine's Day 2011 was also a Day of Awareness Day for me. I have a whole different outlook now as to where I fit into my so-called man's life. I am so hurt that I am crying as I write this response to your posted question...all situations and issues are not the same. I do not know all that is involved in your situation but I know you have given more than you have received. I do not believe that relationships should be equal. I do believe that relationships should be fair. It is not fair for someone to always be on the receiving end and think so poorly of someone that are intimately involved with in their life as to not even send a Christmas Card, Birthday Card, or Valentine's Day Card. Perhaps, these individuals should be labeled users. I have labeled my so-called boyfriend as user after the last 3 holidays mentioned. I am a very generous person and I have always helped my boyfriend when he asked (not often) for financial help. I have given gifts for his Birthday, Christmas, and Just Because. I have only received 1 gift from him several years ago...a pair of gold earrings. As I celebrated Valentine's Day this year, I celebrated a New Beginning. I am no longer going to give gifts to my boyfriend for special days. I am no longer going to oblige to his financial needs. I offered him a much needed television for his truck and I offered him cash because he was low on cash and was on the road and was hungry. He told me he wanted to wait for the TV and he had a card that he could use for cash. He does not know that I have no intentions of doing a DAMN thing for him. I told him and made the offers to make him think I am not holding back on my desires to do for him as retaliation from Valentine's Day, Birthday, and Christmas!!! I from now on will not be making any offers and buying a DAMN thing. In fact, I still love him but I am looking to break away very soon from this user and no good man!!!
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (21 February 2011):
 hi
yes i would be seriously p!ssed off BUT how do things stand now with his cancer treatment? could be that he is depressed now and not able to focus on what he sees as small stuff like valentine and birthday cards? if it is nasty name calling then this is a bad sign too and i don't condone what he is doing but i think you need to have a good talk to him about his feelings, regarding his illness. make sure he understands that he is not the only one suffering, you are too because you love him
xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): Yes you should be upset. I don't know how you could tolerate 6 years of this really. Speak to him about it. Maybe he does not know how to express his affection through gifts and sentiments but this is something he needs to do.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (21 February 2011):
 Calls you names as in...? Does he abuse you?
Yes it would be upsetting to not be appreciated, but you havent given us much to work upon. How is it that you have stuck on to such a one sided relationship? Taking care of a cancer patient requires an incredible amount of time and patience. If he doesnt respect or acknowledge you despite all that, then there is something very wrong.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): Look, even if he has no money, paper and a pen can make a card. Certainly the SOB isn't so self-centered that he can't take 5 min's of his life and write you something... or can't he?
Sounds like you're engaged to a self-centered a-hole.
Tell him how you feel, and see if he's capable of a little empathy. If not, break it off and get out while you can.
...............................
A
female
reader, CANDY61 +, writes (21 February 2011):
YES, I would be very upset and as a matter of fact I'm upset because he did this to you, I would be looking for the card on valentine and my birthday with candy or something to go alone with it. Reading you question brought tears to my eyes. Seems like he is selfish and not having reguards for others. He knows that we give on valentine and birthdays to show our love and care for each other.
Taking care of a person with cancer is not easy. You must be a nice person to take the name calling, no valentine and no birthday, he better be glad he's not my man because I would help him to get well and I would be long gone and find me someone that would appreciate me. I dare him to do you like that after all the washing, cleaning and cooking you've done for him, I would love to tell him a piece of my mind. Not only would I be upset, I would be very hurt.
God Bless You My Dear
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): Yes, I would be upset.
I am 18 and I lack life experiences compared to you, but I definitely don't think you deserve to marry a man who calls you names.
...............................
A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (21 February 2011):
 ABSOLUTELY! I would have been totally upset! I could understand the Valentines Day, but not the Birthday.
...............................
A
female
reader, TexasTexas +, writes (21 February 2011):
Hi,
You don't say what names he calls you...is it "love bug" (sweet names) or "dumb-ass" (mean names)?
Does he have an income? Is it a money situation? Did he even mention valentines and your birthday, or just ignore them?
You have GOT to sit him down and tell him that your feelings are hurt. And that you don't want to EVER quit being each other's valentines. Maybe that you've realized, due to his cancer, you hope every birthday is always a celebration for each of you.
If you don't get this hurt off your chest then it will find a way to blow up and "express itself" in no-telling-what-way in your life. It's just not worth it to try to hold it in. You can't let that simmer with someone you are planning to marry.
...............................
|
