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For those who have herpes, how did your partner react when you told them? I need support.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Health, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 February 2011) 5 Answers - (Newest, 23 February 2011)
A age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I have herpes type 1 and 2 and would like to know if other people have it and how their partners react when they tell them. I never have outbreaks I just had a blood test that showed I was positive, after having 1 lesion about 4 years ago. So many people think they are "clean" just because they go to the gyno and get std checked and are negative, problem is, herpes is not done in standard std checks, you have to ask to get a blood test done. So, people can have it and don't know it. I have told a few friends and family members, and it's amazing how many people have it. For me, it's hard because I really like this guy, and he is taking it slow with me and knows I have it, but does anyone else have it, so I could have more support about it?

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A female reader, No watered down advice here! United States +, writes (23 February 2011):

No watered down advice here! agony auntYou seem to be a very positive person, I wish you well!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

well i'm hiv negative, i guess i just want to know how many people really have it. I've only had 1 cold sore "down there" and i got my blood tests mailed to me, and it said when i was diagnosed i only had type 1, but i remember my doctor saying that i had both types. well she was wrong. but, when i just got tested again last month i did have both types, even though i've only had the one symptom or cold sore down there. so who knows where my type 2 outbreak is, or if i will even have one. it's so confusing and interrelated. i guess i'm not too worried, but it just sucks thinking i will be responsible for giving it to my guy if we end up together. i do believe in naturopathic medicine, though, and truly believe i can get rid of this on my own. a lot of diseases exist in the body because our mind manifests them by negative thought processes. i am hopeful!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011):

No way of knowing how someone will react. The more educated on the issue the partner is, the more understanding they can be.

It's not only the person hearing it that freaks out.

My partner freaked when she told me that SHE had Herpes.

It didn't bother me, I was much more interested in her HIV test (which was negative). Eventually, as we stayed together, I expected to get Herpes, and I did, but it took around 3 years to contract it. However, it didn't freak me out, I expected it eventually, and when it happened I knew I'd got it finally, though it did hurt quite a bit with that first outbreak (like pissing razor blades) and I was thankful for antivirals which quickly took the pain and swelling away.

Far more people have it than realize it, the blood tests don't lie, but outbreaks vary a lot, and the blood test doesn't tell you that you have "genital" herpes, both strains can infect you orally and once you are infected in one place they don't tend to infect any other locations (so you get either strain orally then it doesn't end up genitally on you). However, sexual habits being what they are, you can't count on your oral infection not ending up on the partners genitals.

As far as frequency, I've had it for years, and symptomatic outbreaks vary from 1 time a month to 1 or 2 times a year, all over the place, same with my partner.

But, first, make sure your gyno did an HIV test, because if you've got one STD, you can have another, and HIV kills.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011):

I have HIV and I am an engineer who works for the largest STD dating and support site STDslove. com. I have to tell you a secret, you can choose not to believe me. But the truth is that this site has more than 1,880,000 members and about 80% members are good looking in my estimation.

Unfortunately, STD rates soar worldwide and most people with STDs don't even know that they have them. The government should grant more money for STD education to lower the rates of STD transmission.

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A female reader, No watered down advice here! United States +, writes (21 February 2011):

No watered down advice here! agony auntI’m dating a man that’s HIV+ so, that’s a little bit scarier then herpes today. Some people would be relieved to “JUST” have herpes. He told me, I did my research, and now I know more about it then he does! I find that with his friends he has met with HIV that a person, who is educated about their condition and can answer questions that will come up, will find that it’s not hard to find someone who will accept them. Just educate yourself and be prepared for those who will reject you, that’s OK too, who needs someone who can’t accept you and all of your issues? NOBODY needs them anyway! I wish you well with your friend and just remember you’re not alone. I respect the fact you told your friend, some people never tell and pass it on.

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