A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have fallen for my sometimes hook up. We see each other only a few times a month. We chat every other day or so. He is not into having a relationship. I knew this and was ok but something about him is so amazing other than sex. I tried to break things off by telling him I couldnt do it anymore and he should find someone else to fool around with. He sent me an email saying he would hate to lose me as a hook up but more because he likes so much about me and who know what the future holds between us. When we are together I feel like I'm his girl he makes sure I'm pleased in bed plus that I'm comfortable. We talk laugh plus he compliments me on my personality, laugh, sweet and nice I am. what is going on? is there something worth waiting for. plus he drops work for me when I need to talk. Will this be more than a hook up or something more? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2012): OP if being just a hook up is no longer enough for you then don't accept anything less than a relationship.
"He sent me an email saying he would hate to lose me as a hook up but more because he likes so much about me and who know what the future holds between us."
Read between the lines OP. He didn't say he liked you, he carefully chose his language to sound like that but he says he likes so much *about* you. That's not the same at all is it? He also said he doesn't want to lose you as a hook up, basically he doesn't want to lose the sex but again he's not scared of losing you but what he gets off you. And as for "what the future holds" that's the clearest indication of all that he does not see you as relationship material isn't it? OP you've been fooling around with him a while if he had any intention of ever being with you you'd know by now.
I have to say OP to me it's very clear and I have a feeling you see things clearly too. You're my age, you've heard and seen this kind of thing before haven't you? He gives you just enough to keep the hope alive without giving you any assurances of anything. The wording of his email is very carefully constructed so as not to give you anything to be angry about when you find out he doesn't see you in that way because he really didn't say that he did and that's the most important thing here OP. It's what he didn't say that you should pay attention to.
He didn't say he likes you, he didn't say he wants a relationship, he didn't say he'd miss you he said he'd miss things about you.
As for pleasure and comfort thing come on what else is he supposed to do? Stick it in, blow his load and turn over and fall asleep? You wouldn't exactly stick around very long if it was like that would you?
I echo what the others have said OP. You don't stand a chance with this guy. He uses the oldest tricks in the book too. "I don't do relationships" "Who knows what the future holds" you know that both those mean he's not interested in you.
So you have a choice OP, stay having sex with this guy, keep feeding your hopes and feelings with absolutely no chance of a relationship with this guy or set your terms clearly to him that your feelings are too strong to be casual anymore and if he wants to keep seeing you then you'll take it to the next level.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 May 2012):
 He's not doing any great love feat for you , don't tell me you'd still be at his beck and call for hook ups if he would NOT please you and would NOT make you comfortable, and would NOT have the decency to add some appreciation for your good traits !
He is just fidelizing the client, and keeping you sweet to make sure he does not lose an easy ,low maintenance and convenient arrangement.
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A
male
reader, Mr. Y  +, writes (18 May 2012):
Hi,Let him do whatever he is doing for you but don't remain in a hope of something coming up in the future.Just enjoy your present.Be in the present with him and don't really bother about the hopes that he gave you.Don't believe in his hopes unless he makes a commitment to you and gives promises to you. Just live in the present with him because he is nice to you in the present.
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A
female
reader, Arete +, writes (18 May 2012):
If he's currently gettting good sex with no strings attached he has no reason to step up his game and commit to you only.
In answer to your question, there's really only one way to find out... make good on your previous vow to cut contact with him, and see what happens. If he doesn't realize you're worth more than just casual sex and come after you, trust me on this: he never would have committed, and he isn't worth it anyway. Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 May 2012):
 I agree with Denise32. He said the things he said to keep you as a hook up a FWB...
I would not wait for him to change.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (18 May 2012):
 No.
It's highly unlikely that it will develop into something more.
He behaves nicely with compliments and taking time to talk with you when you need him to. He's just keeping you sweet so he doesn't lose you as a FWB. He told you he would hate to lose you as a hook up, didn't he?
So there you have it.
Don't try to conjure up false hopes.......sorry, I know you wish it wasn't so, but unfortunately, it is.
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