A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 22 in 2 months i will be 23. I am divorced (i got married at 16) and a single mom of 3. I have been alone so long and i cant even get a guy to look at me. I have done all of the stuff people have told me. (be yourself go out stop looking...) But it doesnt work. Will i be alone forever or what is wrong with me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010): No, you won't be alone forever, although 3 years seems like that at 22.
Take good care of yourself, of your children, and the better you feel about them and yourself then the better you will appear to others.
This isn't easy, you need support from friends, family, etc. But, you are still young, very young, and just have a difficult situation that is hard to face.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 October 2010):
 Perhaps you need to take the same approach to dating life as other divorced single moms out there. They are typically around the age of 30-50, so a good decade or more older than you. But that is perhaps the way to go. Maybe look for dating tips online, but not follow the same approach as other girls your age. Because men your age will expect you to not have been married and have kids, and certainly not 3. They don't expect any baggage. But, is your problem that men are scared away once they find out about your kids, or is your problem that you do not get in contact with men at all?
And, I am taking a good guess here, you are not interested in, and do not need, an immature little 20 year old boy. You need a proper man. Someone with an income (so preferably someone who is not still in school), and someone who has a bit of baggage himself, so that he can accept you for what you bring with you.
Maybe you should aim for men who are a little older than you, say in their 30's?
Do you have a list of qualities, both practical and personal, that you look for in a man? Say are you interested in a long-distance relationship, are you looking for something short term, long term, casual, marriage material... ? First step is to settle on what you are actually looking for, and what would suit your lifestyle. Then when you do meet a man be clear on what it is you want. Im not saying this will help you, but it will certainly make is easier when you know what you are looking for.
And then if men don't approach you: take initiative. Ask him for his number, or out on a date.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was asked how long I have been alone. I have been alone for going on 3 years.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (2 October 2010):
How long have you been single? You ask if something is wrong with you, I will ask you "like what?". What is it that could be wrong with you? You will probably realize that you are just like every other human being, and that if there is something wrong with you there is something wrong with all of us. Anything "wrong" would be something that could be diagnosed by a doctor. If you don't have that then rest assured you are perfectly normal. Just a little lost at the dating scene.
Also, without really knowing you I can't tell you what you could possibly do. Do you have any girl friends? Ask them, they will know better. If you don't have that many friends, perhaps focus more on getting friends than getting a boyfriend.
As for sex life, I recommend you go to a sex shop, or go online, and get yourself a toy. It helps out a lot when you want variation, and will keep you sexually happier than walking around without getting any. Overall happiness is a great thing.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 October 2010):
 There is nothing wrong with you as a person, but you find yourself in a situation that, unluckily,puts you at a disadvantage in the dating market. You've got 3 young kids- you come with "baggage". I am sure that as a mom you don't see it this way,and neither you should !-but it's like many people are gonna see it. Starting something with you is starting something with a ready -made family ,yours is a package deal and not everybody,logically,feels up to the challenge.
It does not mean you must be alone forever. Never say never. But most guys around your age just want to have fun, and I mean it in a good way, like they want to hang out and go out at night without having limitations of time or behaviour imposed by kids - not even their kids. I think you should try to meet older guys, or divorced dads , someone who can better relate to what your life is now. And I am sure that things will go better in a few years when your kids will be older and you'll be able to
have more time for yourself, and to meet people that are more mature not only in age, but as for life experience.
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (2 October 2010):
 I know your situation must be very hard to deal with. You must feel very lonely at times as you are on your own with 3 children. I bet you must miss adult conversation and company sometimes. I think you are a very strong person to bring up 3 children at your age.
I agree with CaringGuy, most young men would sadly be put off by the simple fact that you are divorced and have 3 kids, not because of you personally. It is a sad fact of life that people judge others by their situation before getting to know them as a person. Most young guys are extremely scared of the idea of commitment and children. That doesn't mean that they all are, but this would explain why you have found it hard to find a partner.
Try not to be disheartened though. It may take a while to find the right kind of guy, but when you do find someone who will accept you and your 3 children into his life, you will know he's a keeper :)
I know you must feel very lonely at times and long for someone to love and support you, but you have to be strong for your children. You are a wonderful person and I know its a cliche, but you DON'T need a man in your life to be happy. Take this time being single to do the things YOU want to do. Think about your self and your kids. Get out there and meet more people, make new friends. Try to find some clubs or activities you can take your kids too. Find other mums your age and take your kids out together, to the zoo, or park, or the seaside. Be the best mum you can be.
The more fun you have, and the more friends you make, the less lonely you'll feel and you'll soon realise you can be happy by yourself. Then, when the time is right, someone special will come along and see what a fun, happy person you are and fall head over heels in love with you and your 3 kids. But concentrate on finding that fun happy mum first.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): I don' understand your focus on your love life when you have three kids to take care of. That's more than a full time job and if you do it well you will be proud. Most young men see your kids as baggage, many of them see you as a slut or as a desperate woman after their money. Don't live down to their expectations. Start living for your kids, not for men.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): CaringGuy advised well on that. Best to you.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 October 2010):
Your problem is an interesting one. I know this is getting to you, so when I'm honest, please don't get upset or think it's all hopeless. It's not.
I'm your age. This month, I will be turning 23. So we're basically almost the same. Except you're divorced with three kids, whereas I'm not.
At our age, something like that is a big deal. I'd love to be able to say it's not, but the fact remains, it's a big deal. I know that if I met a woman my age who was divorced with 3 kids, I'd be very wary. That isn't your fault at all. That's the way I am, and I think it's the way most young men are. I know I wouldn't be ready for a commitment that big.
It would be a huge commitment at our age for a man to date a very underconfident divorcee with 3 kids. That would require a very special man, and at our age, a very special man like that may be hard to come by because we're still out there living, being young, having fun whilst single, getting drunk, travelling the world and all the things young men like to do.
Right now, you're underconfident and you may coming across as perhaps a little desperate to find a man. Men may be jumping to the wrong conclusion and think that because you have 3 kids, or because you're a divorcee, you're tainted or you're just after getting another man to pay your way. I know that's not true. There will be a special guy out there who also knows it.
But...you need to seriously work on your confidence, and right now focus on your kids. If a man sees you're underconfident, he'll not be interested. If he sees that you're after him, and not focused on your kids, he may jump to the wrong conclusion.
Being single is hard, but not the worst thing in your life right now. The worst thing would be to let all this get to you so much that your kids see you unhappy, and that other guys see you as unhappy.
Focus entirely on your life right now, and focus on your kids. Your situation is far from hopeless, and you'll certainly not be alone forever. Men our age (like me) are often just not ready for big commitment. You're in need of a very special man, not just any guy. That man will take time to find, and you need to be confident and independent enough before he comes along. But he is out there.
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A
male
reader, turbine  +, writes (2 October 2010):
These kind of phases do come in life. What you must be more worried about is your healt because you have to rear 3 children. You must immediately join a good gym and make sure you are fit for the sake of your children. The gym is the best medicine for depression as well. You will find some one sooner or later and I'm sure about it but your health should be your major concern now. Both mental health and physical health. Who know's you might just bump into a handsome dude in the gym itself!!
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