A
female
age
30-35,
*urple01
writes:hi, i have been with my boyfriend for nearly 6 years, which is a really really long time so obviously we have been through some rough patches. But i guess the main thing is that throughout the years he became really controlling and abusive and there was a period were he used to physically abuse me really badly to the point were he has stopped, in the last 2 years, so i guess he has changed. But he still from time to time can be verbally abusive when he is angry and sometimes grab me hard or poke me, the little things trying to hurt me but not really but that happens very rarely, and hasn't happened at all in the last year but I mean since iv been with him so long i am obviously thinking of marrying him but the issue is even though the physical abuse has gone and the verbal abuse has calmed down, he still when hes really angry or feels out of control tends to threaten me, and ofcourse as soon as he has said it he apologizes but it makes me feel really scared of him as i know what he is capable of even though he has stopped. i mean i know your not supposed to feel scared of your boyfriend and if you are you should leave, but i feel like if i do he will make my life so problematic and cause trouble for me everywhere i go, and i really dont want that. i mean in my heart im hoping this will go away aswell but i cant help thinking what if im married to this guy and he starts abusing me again, i mean i really dont want a divorce!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): Deep down you know the answer, i think. 6 years is a long time a very long time to invest and many woman would naturally be thinking of settling down but you MUST look at the reality. How much has he changed? did he get professional help? Why does he get abusive? maybe he can find another way to take out his frustrations. Fight for him if you think there is a real chance of change but if he keeps falling into old habits you must look at the real picture and not an image you have made up in your head. Could you live with the abuse? I dont think you should- respect yourself and look after number 1.
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