A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am an 18 year old girl who has recently been diagnosed with genital herpes. I have only ever had sex once. This occured when I was very drunk,and even though I didn't want to, I was persueded otherwise. I now feel as though I will never be able to find a boyfriend, as there is a lot of stigma around having herpes. Will anyone want me with this virus?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): I am sorry to hear that. I personaly have never had an STD but one of my best friends since highschool has genital herpes and she has had 2 long term relationships since she got it. Of course someone will still want you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): Hey Girl, I'd Google, "dating with an STD," - there's lots of interesting articles that may help.The other thing I'd mention, is there are dating sites which are specifically cater to people with herpes (you'd probably feel more comfortable with someone that already has it):www.STDmatch.netwww.TwoCan.com www.H-Date.com www.mpwh.netwww.positivesingles.com[They don't display profiles publicly, so discretion shouldn't be a problem]Here are some support sites which help with dating for those that have it: www.datingwithherpes.orgwww.herpesonline.org/herpes_dating.htmThe next thing, someone commented that you should wait till there's an "emotional connection," I DISAGREE with that. I'm not saying you need to bring it up on the first date, but a few dates in, and you feel there is chemistry between you two it's definitely something you need to bring up. It may not be a problem for some, which is good. But for some it may be a deal breaker, and it would be sad for you and him to get so attached and it not working out. So it's best to find out sooner than later.Since recently diagnosed, I don't know how much you've read up on it or learned about it - but information and knowledge is key.When you tell your partner about it, you need to just let them know you'll answer any questions, that they may have about it, etc.And I'm extremely sorry about the way you had caught it, esp. since it was your first time. Please contact that man, and let him know he's positive.God Bless
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (22 September 2009):
 You've had some very good advice. I only want to point out one thing: you have to tell the guy you had the one night stand with. He needs to know he's carrying this virus; it's possible he doesn't know, and if he goes on to have sex with future partners, he may be infecting more people.
I really don't think this is something you can bow out of, he MUST be told, or there will be more people who contract this virus.
If he knew he had it, and he had unprotected sex with you, well, he is a snake of the most reprehensible type. If he did that, my dear, you have every reason to let the people around him know he has herpes. You may be doing another girl a huge favor by forewarning her. The problem with that, of course, is that you disclose you have it too. Not a nice place to be in at all.
http://www.webmd.com/genital-herpes/guide/coping-diagnosis
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/stds-hiv-safer-sex/herpes-4271.htm
As other aunts have said, it is not the end of your sex life. It complicates things, which is a great pity, but it doesn't mean you won't find a great guy.
Don't chicken out of telling this guy--he needs to know.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): That is a touchy subject, I would be careful not to disclose too soon. Give the other person a chance to become attached before bringing it up. The reason I say this is because I had a guy tell me that he had herpes...well, I did like him, but we didn't have enough of a connection yet for me to take that risk, so I didn't go out with him anymore :(
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A
male
reader, koenig +, writes (22 September 2009):
Don't worry, treat it as well as you can and you won't get many problems with it. I very much doubt that it'll have a significant effect on your search for a partner...
While it isn't curable at the moment (just manageable), I have heard about various developments in research to cure herpes. It won't stay incurable.
I hope a bad first sexual experience doesn't put you off sex, it is a brilliant thing in the right context.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 September 2009):
From a male.
There is medication available to supress the symptoms. There are guys out there who won't accept it. But there are some that will, which is good. :). You're not a bad person, and any guy you speak to will understand that. Be prepared that some guys won't be able to take it. It will hurt you. But, like I say, there are guys that will like you and see past that. Always make sure you're honest with them though. Dont give up. x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): Hi hun,
Herpes is not a death sentence... its a condition that; if treated can have almost no effect on your life.
It's very susceptable to high stress and friction... the longer you have it the less and less it will flair up. With medication it can be pretty much controlled.
If you suspect you are having a flair up - tingling sensation, then it will be uncomforatble for you anyway but if you must - get your guy to wear protection. The best way of prevention when in the flair up time is abstainance.
1 in 20 of the UK population have Herpes... so you're not alone.
Have fun - enjoy, but please be careful.
Steve S
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): Yes they will. However when you get a boyfriend, you need to tell him before you jump in the sack with him. You're not obliged to tell him before that time comes around, and hopefully you will know how to pick men that are mature and not easily scared.
I know men tend to freak out about STD's more then women do. Ask your doctor about how to have safe sex (use of a condom is often good enough), and make sure you and your boyfriend know each other well and feel comfortable around each other when you tell him.
People with herpes have one night stands too. How do you think the virus spreads otherwise? If those with the virus only waited until marriage with sex, STD's practically wouldn't exist. My point is: if you feel that you should not have random sex because you have this virus, you are better then most. I am also wondering if the guy you got it from told you before he had sex with you? If he didnt then you know most people choose not to tell. I hope you have the decency to tell your boyfriend about the risk. What he decides to do I can not tell you, but 100% sure: you will find boyfriends, and you will find the one who loves you and doesnt give a damn.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): My first advice would be to seek out some ways that you can protect other people from herpes - I know there are some medications out that can keep you from spreading it, which will surely make your life easier when you do find someone.
Secondly, don't let this be a damper on your love life. Simply don't tell your interests that you're infected until you trust them and know that they respect you (but BEFORE you have sex). If they really do care about you, chances are they'll be sympathetic and work with you to help protect themselves yet maintain a relationship.
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A
female
reader, samurai girl +, writes (21 September 2009):
 You are a young woman with your entire life ahead of you. I know that everything now seems gloom and doom and you feel 'dirty.' But, you are not. You will live a long, healthy, happy life and find a man who will love you. The longer you live and the more experiences you have, you will realize that human beings are an amazing lot.
You will be all right. Just BE CAREFUL in the future and know that you DO have an obligation to tell anyone w/ whom you plan to become intimate (i.e. have sex). Be careful w/ you heart and you will be fine. Just be more discerning with whom you share your body and your heart.
Good luck.
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