A
female
age
30-35,
*keez
writes:Hiya guys! im hoping someone will be able to help me.Ok well i am a 20 year old uni student and I have been single for about a year now.Recently I was hurt by a guy who i thought really liked me but ended up just using me. After that i was a bit of a wreck for 2 weeks. Im over it now and getting on with life, but very recently Ive had another guy pop up into my life who 'seems' to be interested. He is friends with a few of mine and he seems to be a lovely guy, but im still rather cautious. Mind you I have never met this guy but he insists we met at a club when i was really drunk, obviosuly I dont remember this. Anyways he added me on fb and straight off the bat he acted too confident for me to believe a word he said. He was calling me 'a very pretty lady' and immedietly asked when we were meeting for a drink? I know the signs of a player and he screams player sometimes with the way he talks. He is a confident lad but Im not sure if thats just a good trait of his or one of 10 tactics he uses to pull girls. Anyways we first started talking about 2 weeks ago and he gave his number to me. I text him a few days later just saying 'hello its '' heres my number' and ever since hes been texting me every day asking how i am, and what im up to. He always texts first and i always answer, not immediatly but not taking hours to reply to the point where i give the impression im not THAT interested.he talks to me online quite a lot and has asked me about 3 times already to meet up. First time i agreed but he had to cancel, so i was like 'err ok not that fussed' but felt it was so predictable for him to do that, i was literaly just expecting it. So i just let him contact me, which he did and he still talks to me almost every single day at least once. Hes asked me again to meet up and i agreed but again im not keeping my hopes up. Ive been hurt quite a bit and ive gotten to the point now where i question 'why would anyone like me?' Quite a lot of the time i feel as though he is too good to be true. He is my ideal guy. He has a job, he goes to uni, he has a beautiful talent with illustration, does very interesting hobbies like clay pigeon shooting and fish spearing. He has 2 cars, owns a motorboat and has a beautiful house in the country. And i just refuse to believe why any guy like this would be interested when he could probably get any girl he wanted? So anyways, im very cautious with the way he speaks to me online and sometimes when hes going out drinking he does contact me and still talks to me when he is with his mates, is this a good thing? I guess i just refuse to believe this guy would have any genuine interest in me and convinced he just wants sex, but would a guy bother contacting a girl for so long just for a one night stand when they could get anyone? Thanks sorry long question haha hope it makes sense =]
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drunk, one night stand, player, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): Only talking to you by text and cancelling on you should tell you he isn't that keen and not real interested in getting to know you as a person. He probably has several girls who are filling up his schedule and you are just someone he texts now and again. I wouldn't get too excited about him and it would probably pay off for you to learn more about how a guy acts when he's genuinely interested because this one is a waste of your time.
A
male
reader, shawncaff  +, writes (24 June 2011):
 You are right to be cautious. "Players" do exhibit some signs as the guy you are describing: they are charming, they use a lot of flattery, and they have so many girls going at the same time, they can't keep appointments.
The real way to know is through his actions, not his words.
--Is he genuinely interested in you? Does he listen to you and ask you questions about your life, plans, etc.?
--Does he show you respect, like keeping appointments, and making time for you? (One cancellation is ok; but two soon after each other would make me suspicious and would be a red flag; and three close together is a definite dealbreaker.)
--Do you enjoy the same activities and interests?
In other words, tune out his looks, his sex appeal, and his smooth talk, and look to see if he really seems to like you as a person by observing these things above. If he really likes and is not using you, you will soon know it.
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A
male
reader, ManAfterChrist +, writes (24 June 2011):
 Well, you two are definitely on different confident levels. That can be a problem in itself! The club that he claims to have met you at--do you remember going to that club that night? That was my first thought.
If his first impression of you was you being incredibly inebriated, then I don't see how he could have a strong attraction to you. It's not that drunkenness is a bad trait for everyone, but he just wouldn't have gotten a very clear look at your personality; the attraction would have been based mostly by looks. This isn't bad either by itself, but "drunk" "partiers" who frequent clubs are seen as "easier". It's not always true, but just a subconscious association many guys will make.
Without much information, it's hard to truly tell if he's really interested or not, but I'd be very cautious. I'm again brought back to your question "Why would he be interested in me?" Your low confidence level screams "easy" to many guys. I don't mean to offend you because I highly doubt you are "easy", but again many parts of this story would point to him trying to get an easy lay rather than a steady girlfriend.
So the answer is: Nobody can know for sure. But be cautious and don't give your heart out to him right away. If you wind up getting hurt again, just remember that the only way to make it up the mountain is to keep climbing.
From one 20 year old to another, good luck ;)
Update this question in a few weeks and let us know a little more of his character and personality. Let us know if he was a catch or a jerk!
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (24 June 2011):
 "would a guy bother contacting a girl for so long just for a one night stand when they could get anyone?"
"Anyways we first started talking about 2 weeks ago"
Two weeks is not a long time...
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