A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my girlfriend and I started out having sex all the time. Lately we have stopped doing it, like once every 2 months. She said she's scared and i respect that. She used to give me head also, but now she completely hates it. I do everything for her. I drive her everywhere, buy her things, and i compliment her all the time. She shows no appreciation towards me. She wont make me feel wanted by her. She will occasionally give me a handjob, but only if im doing something for her. She just doesnt understand that handjobs are meaningless to me when its something that i can do myself. I dont get why she wont give me head. She says shes in love with me, and im in love with her. I would do anything for her. And i do, i go down on her, and meet her needs. I would feel more appreciated if she would just give me head. I dont smell down there, and its not like she hasnt done it before. I understand that some woman dont like it. But I do things for her that I dont like, but I do it because I like making her happy. It just makes me sad that she wont do one thing that would make me happy that she doesnt like. Especially when i do everything for her. Its like I would have more of an incentive to do things for her. I would feel completely appreciated if she did it. And yes I have tried to sit down and talk to her about it. She says its not happening. Head is just the only thing I could think of that would make me feel appreciated. She cant think of anything else either. Im not a pig or anything, girls just dont get it that guys need those kind of things. Girls feel neglected to say sweet loving things like guys do for them. Guys like that stuff too, but since girls wont do any of that, i guy needs his other needs met. Shes just selfish and I need some help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): sounds like your sex life is experiencing some boredom, tell her that, and tell her its important to you. If she doesnt make you happy then find someone who does, theres plenty if woman who have the same ideas as you for the bedroom- life is short!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): I think a lot of girls will give head, lots of sex and make you feel irresistible in the beginning to real you in. Then, once there is a comfortable co-dependence in the relationship, all of a sudden she's never liked giving head, and she doesn't really like having sex, and she stops liking the same movies and music too. It's boredom in a relationship lacking in love. It seems to me like you guys don't love each other, so have the strength to call it quits and move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): Dude. Sorry to say but its time to move on. A healthy relationship between a man and women must include a physical side. Its the two parts that make a whole.The fact that you were having sex and then it all dried up means that you probably were not doing it for her. She is probably fantasizing about meeting another guy who can turn her on and make her cum. She treats you like crap, doesn't appreciate you, and puts out once every two months?Not good. Not good. Go find some one new.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 October 2009):
I cannot tell you enough how bad it is that you see her as selfish, when she has said that she really hates doing it and is scared. Have you no respect for her? Yes, men do have certain needs, but this is the worst possible attitude to have. If she thinks that all you care about is head, she'll leave you, then any other women who finds you will leave you for the same reason. Do not ever force a woman to do something she doesn't like. Instead, find out what she doesn't like it. Ask her if there's any way you cnan make it easier for her. But don't force her, or you'll lose her and end up not having anything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009): I can't get over this post at all, how selfish are you?! You say you dont get why she doesn't give you head? I think I can have a pretty good guess, its all you focus on, its all you think about and probably only care about(apart from yourself obviously) why would she want to give you something that is basically all you are hanging around for, she wants to know your with her for something else and quite rightly! It's awful that you would resort to what is basically bully of your own girlfriend for something that should be based on care and affection.I know what I would do if I was her and it certainly wouldnt involve giving head!
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (28 October 2009):
 I am going to ask you to read what you have just wrote to us. There are a few things in there that I find rather disturbing and for different reasons.
Lets start with the first thing I found rather odd. "She used to give me head also, but now she completely hates it." So here you have acknowledged she has tried it and dislikes it. You should drop it. She could have been trying to either get used to it or just please you, but ultimately she needs to feel comfortable with it. You know she doesn't like it so you should consider how she feels. The fact that you can do things you dont like to please her means you are comfortable doing the things you dont like for her. Be reasonable and understand she simply doesn't even if she has done it before.
"I do everything for her. I drive her everywhere, buy her things, and i compliment her all the time." You doing things for her should be done out of the kindness of your heart and with no desire to get anything back. Its nice when we do and it usually means we want to continue our actions, but it doesn't obligate the other person at all.
"She shows no appreciation towards me. She wont make me feel wanted by her." Is being sexually pleased by her the only way you can feel appreciated? Damn, what ever happened to "thank you"s and expressing her appreciation with a smiles and her general attitude with how she treats you. Remember you could have an entirely shit girlfriend who rocks your world in bed. That doesn't mean she will appreciate the things she does for you. I think you are focusing too much on what she can offer you sexually.
"She just doesnt understand that handjobs are meaningless to me when its something that i can do myself." This is actually the worst part I think. Because its not what you want, her attempts at relieving your sexual fustration is worthless. I can only imagine why she would have reservations of sleeping with you.
"Im not a pig or anything, girls just dont get it that guys need those kind of things." Well unfortunately you are coming across as a pig. I am sorry. Worse off you sound like a whiney immature man who thinks men NEED these things to survive. I am sorry, no they dont. A need is something you cant live without and a desire is something you want. You WANT head and you aren't getting it and are sexually fustrated with your girlfriends desire to abstain.
Please grow up. Think about this a little more rationally. If you are this displeased and this mismatched you really need to let her go. She needs to be with someone who will respect her boundries and you need someone who will do what you want done to you.
HonningKanin
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009): I find that you are contradicting yourself. First you say she doesn't do anything for you. Then you say she gives you handjobs. Then you say you have sex every two months. Does that mean you get the handjob every two months or she actually gives you head and whatnot in the sexual department every two months? In your post you go back and forth like this, like you arent really sure what it is you want or how often this actually happens. As a side note you are the first male I hear say that "handjobs are meaningless to me when its something that i can do myself." All other men I have ever been intimate with enjoy a good handjob as well, as the feeling of someone elses hand on their manhood is different, and knowing that it is someone you care about who is touching you is also a good feeling.
I get a feeling this is not just about getting a blowjob. You feel she is completely neglecting you. "Girls feel neglected to say sweet loving things like guys do for them. Guys like that stuff too, but since girls wont do any of that, i guy needs his other needs met."
It is simply not true that girls wont say sweet loving things to their partners. And I am also wondering how you can equate getting affection with getting a blowjob. I think that even if she does start to give you head, you will still be unhappy. And guess why? Because as long as she neglects you, you will feel neglected. Maybe this whole blowjob thing is something you focus on and have decided is the issue, but it might also be that it's only a visible sign of the real underlying problem.
You dont say much of the relationship in other areas. Is this a woman you are genuinely happy with and the bedroom is the only place there is a problem? Or is this relationship filled with daily troubles and the blowjob is the tip of the iceberg? If the latter, perhaps it is time to say goodbye and find someone who you are more compatible with who can take care of all your needs, the emotional ones as well as the physical ones.
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A
female
reader, angelbbabe7490 +, writes (28 October 2009):
 This has nothing to do with her being selfish. A relationship is not based upon sexual pleasure its based upon having a loving and trusting relationship with respect for one another. You shouldn't keep tally of the things that you do for her and if she does not want to give you head then you need to respect her decisions. It is your decision whether or not to go down on her..you do not have to do it if you really feel like there in an imbalance in your relationship.
If you love your girlfriend for who she is then you need to accept the fact that she does not want to do it and do not pressure her into doing so. I know many girls who have never done it and others that think its gross.
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A
female
reader, Barbara +, writes (28 October 2009):
I hope you're not being too pushy with her. Reading your post was somewhat alarming as if having 'head' was all you need to be happy and that her giving you 'head' would mean you would do more - if she doesn't give you 'head' you won't be cooperative. No wonder she doesn't want to know.
Sex for men is just a need that requires fulfilling. For a woman we need to feel that we are loved and cherished. We generally don't want sex without love. That is the way most of us are made. We like to feel valued and cared for. There are probably women out there who are experienced and have had hundreds of men but most men don't want a slapper. Treat her well and you may get 'head'.
A relationship is not just about fulfilling your needs and giving 'head'.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009): stop pleasing her... turn the events around. as it stands you're kissing her ass and doing everything for her... why would she doing anything? there is nothing to motivate her...
either that or shes getting it somewhere else.
just being honest...
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