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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: What is the main reasons of staying a marriage if it does not work?When is the limit of bad things?What if it's not bad enough to leave, but not good enough to stay?I have security, and stabilty.But I don't have affection, joy and fun.Am I too selfish to thinking of leaving after 25 years?Is divorce always the wrong choice?How can I make a good choice?
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female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (14 July 2009):
 The three most common reasons for staying in dead marriages are finances, children, and a misguided sense of loyalty. Different people have different perceptions of what makes a marriage bad enough to leave. My personal belief is that if there's no affection or fun, then you're just two people living in the same house while some of life's best things pass you by. You have a right to seek happiness and contentment, and sometimes that means putting yourself first and making tough choices that affect others. If you don't think things can change, and certainly if you don't feel loved, then you definitely should think seriously about setting yourself free while you're still young enough to find some of the things you're missing out on.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 July 2009):
 Dear poster, many of your questions can't be answered if not by yourself. We can give opinions, but you need to decide what to do.
I am not old enough to have been married twenty-five years. I am afraid I must not be the best person to answer this. But I will what I can do.
The key aspect is this: your marriage is not bad enough to make it necessary to leave, but it is not fulfilling. Whether that is the worst possible life for you, or, at least, one that you don't want to live, is up to you.
Maybe I would leave.
You're not selfish for wanting to leave after 25 years. Marriages should not continue just because they have lasted long. Divorce is not always the wrong choice; much to the contrary, sometimes it is the best choice. And, if you want to know what the good choice is, please write down your feelings, what you think would result from the decision, et cetera, and put it away for some time. Then go back to the problem, and see if you still have the same answers. See what your ideal result is, and see if you can achieve it.
All the best for you.
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A
male
reader, holikdad  +, writes (13 July 2009):
Divorce isn't always the wrong choice, but in your case I would make sure that you've exhausted all avenues before seeking that final definite ending to your marriage.
You need to ask yourself "Is affection all I'm missing from my marriage?".
Have you tried everything you can to get your husband to show you affection?
It sounds like you still love him so I would suggest that you try as hard as you can to rekindle his affection for you and if that doesn't work at least you can say that you've tried while you're filing the divorce papers.
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A
female
reader, vodkablue  +, writes (13 July 2009):
hi
at the end of the day you have to say to yourself is your marriage worth saving or not.
25 years is a lot of invested time and emotion
are you sure youre not just bored and things have gone stale ?
is there anyway you could talk to your husband and let him know how bad its got ?
your feelings are important aswell divorce isnt pleasant but if youve exhausted all options its worse staying in a loveless marriage
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A
female
reader, betterdays2come +, writes (13 July 2009):
do you love your husband?
i was married 16 years, and i left. it hasn't been easy, but staying would have been harder.
divorce isn't a right or wrong choice -
you only get one chance at life so do whatever is going to make you happy
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