A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Morning all!I don't have a love question but I'm just intrigued to get your opinions on my question.A colleague of mine emailed us all on thursday inviting us to a barbeque at her dads house today. In the email she asked if we can bring food and booze- which is fine, nothing wrong with asking that. However when a couple of us asked what food to bring she said " burgers, hot dogs, buns and booze" and that she would make a salad and provide soft drinks.... Now isn't it usually the host who does the meat stuff and the guests who bring salads, crisps etc...??Another girl asked her why we had to provide the bulk of things to which my colleague responded that she can't afford the food!!It's ironic she can afford cigarettes and new clothes, having her nails done etc...I think it's cheeky of her if she can't afford to host a BBQ then she shouldn't have suggested it! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, laetitia  +, writes (6 June 2010):
 Well, I think that's embarrassing...there is a fine line between not being able to afford some things and being lazy or plain cheap and she seem to be last...
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 June 2010):
 I'm with Cerberus and TalkingHelps.
Sure,if we ask Martha Stewart she would say the host for a potluck is supposed to provide the main course and the guests only to bring side dishes and desserts, but, do we really need to stand on ceremonies for a BBQ ?... It as informal occasion,a chance for friends to get together and have fun, and she kindly provides the location for that.
For many years I had an apartment with a huuuge kitchen and a table who could sit 12-14 people. My friends tended to naturally gravitate toward that kitchen and table, but
neither I could afford to regularly feed a platoon of people ,nor it would have been fair if I had had to be always the one to shop and cook beside tidyng up the place, setting the table, entertaining and cleaning up. So I used to host ( and offer ) one formal dinner a year , maybe two, and all the other times, it was totally self-catered and BYOB. Everybody would bring a different thing to share, we all used to have a great time, and I really can exclude that
anybody ever considered me a moocher because I could only provide the space ,but not the food, for all of us.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): Hi Cerebrus,
Dont worry, u only read what I wrote& gave your opinion. It's not always clear when someone writes on here& things can be misinterpreted.
I knew the food was going to be shared but had no idea the other people there weren't going to contribute& in the end my colleague didn't either.
Nevermind, as you said you live& learn.
She isn't the most easy person to get along with at work so we all thought we'd give her the benefit of the doubt but today just confirmed our thoughts about her,
Jess x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): Seems you were right about her OP and I was wrong about you, so for that I apologize.
I was under the assumption you knew her well and were friends with her, I see that I was mistaken and hold my hands up for that.
She sounds like a bit of an idiot to be honest, ah well you live and you learn.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): Hi guys, I wrote this but don't have an account.
Well I did go& bought some meat& buns.... But guess what... She "forgot" to make the salad & had no soft drinks because she was sure she asked us to bring it too! Lol!
She then told her friend to get some soft drinks& paper plates & plastic crockery as she "forgot" to get those too... She never paid for anything.
She roped her dad in to cooking& she didn't even help him.
The food we were asked to bring was not just for us - it was for us all to share & she had other people there too who we don't work with, her out of work friends& none if them were asked to bring anything....
My issue ISNT about me buying food for myself but I do draw the line at having to provide for people I don't know& who never contributed!
Luckily all my colleagues feel the same way& in future we won't attend anything she arranges.
Jess
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): Mmmm..... She's obviously 1 of these people who likes having everything HER way but doesn't like forking out anything herself!
She sounds up her own arse to be honest with u & spoilt and a daddys girl. No doubt she will eat all the food that everyone else has bought! Lol!
A host needs to be able to afford a party or why bother having 1??
Have fun
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): I've never been to a BBQ where we've been asked to bring meat, buns etc... It is odd... The only thing we were asked is to bring drink & dessert..
I agree with caring guy and chickb. Obviously she wants to spend the minimum possible & had succeded in guilt tripping everyone else.
Do go but ensure the food you bring is consumed only by yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): Look, she's invited you guys into your home, as a nice gesture. She didn't intend it to come accross as if she is using you, she just thought that it would be a nice idea to have a get togehter so you can bond, so what if its byob, and byof! I mean cooking and hosting takes a lot of work, and it wont cost much if you all bring a bit of meat, it'll be fun having a melangerie of different tastes. Don't be so ungrateful and sniding.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): I think you are all being very judgemental to be honest, a friend of mine recently had such a BBQ and it too was BYOB.
She can't afford to buy all the booze and food so we brought our own and you know what? it was great, because we all brought different types of meat and different combinations of foods with a little bit extra so others could try them. None of us can afford to host a big BBQ and pay for everything so we always have them like your colleague is. The host provides the place, the entertainment and cooks the food. You know for us it's about being there with our friends to have a good time not social politics about who brought the biggest steak.
'I think it's cheeky of her if she can't afford to host a BBQ then she shouldn't have suggested it!' So you think if she can't afford to then she shouldn't have a gathering at her house? I think that's ignorant and sounds like you need to get off your high horse of social etiquette, because simply put you don't mind bringing beer and salad but when it comes to meat oh no that's a step too far, the cheek of her, that's not in the BBQ hosting rulebook.
Yee call her a 'scrounger', 'cheeky' and 'user' but in no part of your question did you say she asked you to give her anything or bring food for anyone else but yourself. All it seems she wanted was your company, but how DARE she ask you to bring your own meat!!!
I'd advise you not to go, nobody wants a judgemental, over critically person that moans at having to bring a few pounds worth of meat but instead thinks the host should pay a few hundred bucks to feed you and everyone else instead. Who's the cheeky one?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): Actually it's nothing strange about this at all. At an informal BBQ people normally bring their own stuff. I'm sure she's not asking you to bring meat for the entire party just what you'll be eating yourself. She'll then provide the side dishes and venue for everyone.
Its a nice way for friends to get together within costing anyone too much.
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A
female
reader, Chickb +, writes (5 June 2010):
Haha! What a cheeky cow! I wouldn't bother going if I were you! Bringing salad, crisps, booze is fine but NOT the entire meal!
She is what I call a scrounger- someone wanting things off others as they are to lazy to do anything for themselves!!
Tell her to cut back on her pampering & then host a BBQ- when SHE can afford it!
X
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 June 2010):
Good question. Basically, she's using you to get all the stuff. A bit cheeky, I have to say. Whether you go is up to you.
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