A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why is my boyfriend behaving like this?? Am I overreacting?whenever i see something nice my boyfriend would like i buy him it when i have the money and also cos i know he would like it.my birthday is next week and i don't want him to spend alot of his money so i just told me to get me a big teddy bear.. it was £30 but now its gone down to £10.ive been telling him to get it for about 4 weeks now and am sure is not in the shop anymore.i know most of you will probably be thinking why cant i get it.. but the thing is the teddy is soo cute and cuddly every time i hug it i'd like to know my boyfriend bought it for me.. cos hes not bought me anything before..the shop is right next to where he works and he said he'd get it today on his break but he didnt(he says that all the time).. i got really angry and called him stingy cos i feel like he doesnt want to spend his money on..is just 10pounds:(why is he doing this?? yet he claims he loves me..but if you love someone you tend to buy them lots of gifts cos you think about them that much.. i do that to my bf..but he doesnt seem to wanna get me anything:(he works.what should i do?? i got angry and i hung up on him.. should i just ignore him for days??please help?? am really upset:(thanks..xx
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 December 2010):
 I am of two minds, here. My gut reaction is to say : what a tightwad. Jeez, just pull out the tenner, get the bear and be done with it already !
It is also true that some people don't have the habit - or the inclination - or the cash to show their love by the showering of material things. They choose other ways- verbally or with actions, helping you with practical stuff, being supportive,etc. .
So your bf is a not a gift giver, but, is he caring attentive and considerate in other ways ? does he know how to show you his appreciation ? also, who pays when you go out on dates : always him, half each, or ( urgh ) always you ?
You should consider all these things before jumping to conclusions. And also , hold back a bit with the gift showers- as strange as it may sound, some people does not
even like to get a lot of presents for no reason, it makes them feel smoothed, or embarassed, or under obligations which they did not ask for.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): You seem so sensitive and emotional..but that's just your personality. Some people simply aren't gift buyers though..you need to accept that. However,he should try to do things to make you happy..in which ever other way that he can. Take the gift thing out of it,and make up your mind..decide on whether he cares for you or not. Just remember,males don't normally spoil their girlfriends/wives..unless they've done something wrong and try to make up for it. We all go through it,it's typical!..Aslong as he makes you feel important and special,keep him..if not,DUMP. Good luck! Xx
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (11 December 2010):
 I never get people the gifts they request, it takes all the motivation, fun and surprise out of gift giving.
It becomes an errand.
I hate errands!!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (11 December 2010):
 you're*
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (11 December 2010):
So the bear is more than half off, still I think $16 for a bear is a little pricey but seeing as it's your birthday coming up and that's what you want.
Now, the whole duration of the relationship has your boyfriend ever bought you anything at all? Birthday, Christmas, Valentine's day, just because gifts? Because it doesn't seem fair that your spending all this money on gifts for him and you're telling me he hasn't spent a dime on you? Is that right?
First, I would stop buying him extra gifts, unless it was his birthday, Christmas, or Valentine's day. Next, I would stop expecting your boyfriend to return the favor of buying you things when (if) he hasn't done so since day 1. You never know he could have gotten you something better than a teddy bear for your birthday. If he gets you nothing at all, then I would rethink this relationship. From your post, it sounds like you're giving more than your receiving making this a one sided relationship.
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A
female
reader, tamtam  +, writes (11 December 2010):
If it's not your birthday yet, it may be possible that he just wants to surprise you or he may have different plans as to what to get entirely. So at least in regards to that, it's a bit too early to get angry yet.
About the gift buying thing, it's true for SOME people (like yourself) that they'd do it a lot for the people they love. But just like how some people hardly ever say "I love you" even if they do love their partner deeply, not everyone expresses their love the same way. Some people through materials, some people verbally, some people physically, and there are probably many more ways as well. Some people are just really bad at buying gifts and it's possible that he just doesn't see the importance of buying gifts like you do. You are different people so it's likely for the two of you to not have the same views.
I suggest you wait until after your birthday so that you've given him his chance to "do his part" before you talk to him. There's no point in getting mad at him if he doesn't think it's wrong because he's not going to understand why you're mad. Therefore, talk to him. Tell him your feelings and thoughts first (why you think gift giving is important to you and the reasons you get him stuff) and then ask him what his thoughts on the subject are.
Some questions: Is this the first birthday/holiday that you've spent together? Does he show his love for you in other ways? Does he get gifts for other people voluntarily?
I hope you have a fun birthday and update us about it.
Just to add one last point, if your boyfriend is a bad gift giver, perhaps on your next special holiday instead of asking him for a present, ask for a romantic date. Get him to plan all the events for that day so all you have to do is just show up =)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): Heya sweetie,
sometimes in a relationship its nice to have gifts from someone you love BUT.. theres so much more to a relationship than gifts.. he will buy you something if you just let him do it on his own acord.
Love is something which shouldnt be shown with money but by kind words and affection, i know us girls love to be pamperd and spoilt now and again but just look at the positive things in the relationship and focus on the little but important things he does for you.
life is to short to worry about presents or anything like that , just enjoy your time with him.
im sure he will buy you something lovely, its nuthing to worry and get upset about, just be happy and treasure memories with your boyfriend, spedning time and sharing moments with someone is far more vauleble!
xxx
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (11 December 2010):
 I understand you being angry because it's common sense to reciprocate to show you care. There are better ways to handle intense emotions. He does sound stingy but has he shown you other ways of giving, like treating you to dinner or movie? I guess this relationship is less than a year. There are many other things to buy besides a teddy bear so don't make a conclusion that he's stingy and uncaring until he shows up at your birthday empty handed. Maybe he got really busy and had little time for lunch that day? There is no need to punish him with silence. He may not think it's that big of a deal. Just explain why you are angry. Tell him it's uncomfortable for you to always be the giver and be taken for granted.
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A
female
reader, Fluffyone +, writes (11 December 2010):
 Loving someone doesn't mean you have to buy them things. ^^;; It's nice if they do, but if they don't, it doesn't mean that they don't care.
Maybe he honestly just forgot to pick up the bear, maybe he is planning something else for you, you never know. o:
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): He probably bought it but is keeping it as a surprise
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A
female
reader, SmilySmily  +, writes (11 December 2010):
Ahh it's tough one to say something about it till I know what is really on his mind.
But I personally think that guys would spend money on you if he thinks that you're worth it as in many different ways and it still applies after when yee are bf and gf..
HOWEVER, I do not know his finacial situation, I know its only tenner but he might not have that money at the moment to even afford little teddy bear for you? ( you will know whether he can afford it or not) then you might say sorry first coz it's not as if he said 'oh im not gettin that for ya!'
or he could be just pure lazy and forgetful one, keep tellin you that he will but he never actually buy it for you? and it's not as if you're askin a diamond, it's only a teddy bear that you want for your birthday and xmas is also around the coner!..
maybe he wants to give it to you on your birthday?? x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): A gift should not be ordered by the receiver. Unless it is a gift to oneself. I think you are being a bit rude and a bit controlling by making him get something specific. He makes the choice of how he wants to spend his own money (on gifts, which he needn't give, and on anything else), not his girlfriend.
I think you are being inappropriate.
-Tante Victoire
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