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female
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anonymous
writes: My 16-year-old son told me yesterday he wants to marry his girlfriend soon - who is also 16.He goes to college and is doing well at the moment, so no worries there.I asked him had he thought about his future and he said yes, he wants to go to university in Nottingham in two years time and then work at McDonald's.His girlfriend isn't pregnant, thankfully.I don't understand why he wants to get married so young - won't he have a lot of problems in his life later on if he marries now??Jennifer from Warrington, United Kingdom
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female
reader, QueenB75 +, writes (20 October 2005):
A lot of teenagers want to have what they want and not think about the consequences of the choices they make. If he were to marry now the chances of the marriage staying together is not good. When you're that age you're learning about love and life. At 16 he needs to worry about being a kid more than trying to be an adult before his time. He's not ready to be a husband he's still got a lot of growing up to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2005): Well he's got distinctions in college so he can't be failing.
He said his dream job is to work in McDonald's
Jennifer from Warrington
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2005): He doesn't want children, and wants to get a job in McDonald's when he leaves university - and he's still determined to get married.
Jennifer from Warrington, United Kingdom
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2005): Hi Jennifer, it's difficult to advise you on what to do here as the reality is, these two teens are likely legal age to marry and they will do it, if they are determined!
Perhaps someone else reading your posting can offer better advisement than I can.. but I do want to offer some support and thoughts on this. I believe that if one's teenager must depend upon a parent for his care and support, he is too young to get married and start a family of his own. So if your son is still living at home and dependent on you and your husband..perhaps you need to sit him down and point out some important things about the responsibilities of marriage.
First of all I don't believe your son's too young or to know what loves feels like. Any age can know love & can be in love. It's just that at his age, making a lifetime committment right now, to 'that love' might cause him to lose his chance at a better life, in his future. This means going to college, having a great career, enjoying his friends, travelling, doing the things he needs to do so he won't look back years from now and regret not having done them. If he marrys now, there's a risk they may start a family (accidently or otherwise) and his education plans will come to a complete halt. He needs to know-he can hold off a few years before marrying, because if this girl truely loves him, she will want him to have the best start into the adult world. But..still sit down with both of them and ask them to think about what could happen, theoretically if they 'were to marry'. Have them find out the type of house or apartment they'd like to live in and the car they'd like to drive. Have them write down and add up the monthly expenses of a mortgage/rent, utilities, food, clothing, insurance, car payments, medical bills, incidentals, and then add in the cost of a possible kid, and see how much income he and her would have to bring in each week, just to make ends meet. Let them know hard dollars are necessary for survival. This might help them rethink the realities of married life and the responsibilities involved.
Stress to them, that love alone doesn't make it. The better education they both have, the better chance the two of them have for moving past the "making enough money to survive" to an economic future that is bright for both of them. Let them know, you respect their love, but tell them how crucial it is to date exclusively until both are ready to live on their own and can support themselves.
Quite often, young teen couples do romantacize marriage and family. They get caught up in the feelings of love so much-they fail to see the real issues that marriage does bring. Some teens feel they need to marry each other so they don't lose each other..they feel marriage will keep them "binded" together. Not so. We all know, the divorce rates are high simply because teens marry for the wrong reasons. Holding on to each other in a marriage will not change anything. But I know it has been set down as one of the most futile things in life, is to argue with a young person already in love, who believes that the happiness of being in love is a true measure of the happiness that will be found in marriage. All of us parents will still try to convince our young teen kids the dangers of this possible mistake. Perhaps these kids need cultivate other interests in life, other than this determination to get married. See if you can impress on them to take their minds off marriage for a while and try to be natural, to be contented, to be self-sufficient, and keep them both determined to make a good future for themselves before taking the plunge. My heart goes out to you, Jennifer. Good luck-you have a huge task ahead of you! I wish you the best!
Hugs, Irish
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2005): I think that maybe his girlfriend may be pressuring him. Or maybe not. I'm 18 years old and I have had boyfriends even when I was 15 or 16 and they brought up the fact of marraige. Whether it's true love or not, the best thing for you to do is to stay out of it. They won't get married this young they will either break up or realize they should wait. They're just in the sparks of it all. If they truly want to be together they will realize that if they lvoe each other they will let it take mroe time for their sake!
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reader, helpfull girl +, writes (19 October 2005):
i dont think he will have any problems it all depends on if they have a strong enough ralationship to pull through the hard times that will come in their way. put it this way its hard to find a sensible young male these days would you preferre him to be on drugs a alcholic or throw his life away, or would you preferre the son you got who is liveing his life well and soon to be starting a family and haveing responsibilities? god could of easily gave you a son who is out of controll&has a really crap life instead by the sounds of it he gave you a son who is ready to grow up&have a desent future. theres nothing wrong with getting married at 16 as long as their happy&sure about it you should be happy too, and should be proud you have a son who knows what he wants&a very clever one at that!
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female
reader, FlowerFaerie +, writes (19 October 2005):
Unfortunately, young people of that age, especially young men, like to think they know whats best for them.
I think a lot of it is to so with control. You can never be too sure of life path and career, but marriage is viewed as some kind of gaurantee.
Talk to him about it as you would talk to an adult, which will hopefully lead him to make adult decisions.
Suggest that they get engaged and see how it goes. It is important that you support him through, but not make, his decisions.
Of course, on rare occasions marriages at such a young age do last.
I only hope that you and your son are happy in the life he chooses.xSx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2005): First why bother going to university only to end up working in Mc Donalds. It's sounds like your son might be lacking in self confidence and thinks he's going to fail. Maybe he sees getting married as a marker for success and thinks that is all he will achieve. It sounds like this is his first love and the feelings are strong for his girl but he needs to get in his head that if he wants her to be his wife then he needs to prove he can support her finachially and emotionally. This means going to Uni getting a good job and loving himself before he can love someone else. This might take 5 years or maybe more. Let him know marriage is a serious business and being a husband isn't just a walk in the park.
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