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female
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writes: My friend and I have been dating for 10 month we share many interests and have very similar backgrounds. But this is the issue he said he doesn't feel so much excited with me, and as a result he doesn't get hard enough. He's not sexually attracted to me but says he loves me and want to get married in the future. He further said he loves me more and more each day and feels the physical part will develop. We talked about this issues we are both very open about this subject. He said our relationship is based on more than physical sex aspect. What should I do? I really love this man but I do not want to hurt him but I feel hurt as well.Thanks for listening.. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2005): I am a bit concerned here because you describe your relationship, more like a brother-sister dynamic than a sexual one. I suspect that your boyfriend, whom you already know to be averse to sexual intimacy, is sending you a loud, clear message to possibly stay away from his heart. Why do I say that? Because..many men need to become intimate sexually before they can open up their emotional channels; whereas many women need to feel that emotional closeness before sharing their sexuality. But he seems to like being just 'pals' with you and I get the sense that he feels safe with you, in this platonic relationship, which may or may not ever change....or he may have just a very low libido, in which case he should get to a doctor and find out what can be done about it.
Before you marry, you need to think about these questions. Can you live in a sexless marriage? What's more important is that this is your life, too. What do you want for the rest of your life? Is this the man for the long-term? Perhaps he is-if you can be sustained by a 'pals-only' relationship. Despite the statistics showing that most couples consider their friendship to be more important than the time they spend in the sack together, having a relationship in which one partner wants sex and the other doesn't, can be a very painful place to live. Right now it sounds like your needs are not being met sexually, although your friendship is flourishing. So, think well before walking out the door or signing a marriage contract with this guy. I hope you can have a heart-to-heart talk with him soon to determine the breadth and flavor of his intentions and his capacity for true love before you suffer any more. Take care, dear and I wish you luck.
Hugs,
Irish
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2005): I think sexual love is a very important part of a relationship after all it's what nature intended. It's very good that you have so much in common and your relationship is more than just physical sex. But I am firm beleiver that life is about balance. You need to be friends and lovers. You need to feel desired. A woman needs to feel gorgeous and thats where boyfriend comes in and says something like you look sexy. I don't think you can both go your whole lives together with just that little something missing from your relationship. I bet it's making you already feel insecure and low so imagine in 10 years time. Will you both go seeking someone who makes you feel desirable?
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