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male
age
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anonymous
writes:What do I do???? I am 45 and in a relationship with an 18 yearold!!! Where do I begin? Well for nearly a 10 months I have been seeing a woman/girl whos is nearly 27 years my junior!!! at first we knew each other as we live close and saw each other at parties etc, but we just sort of flirted in an innocent way and i thought nothing of it. Well last July 2007 I saw her at a village feast and we chatted for a while and she gave off signals that she liked me.around a month later I noticed she was on facebook and sent her a message which she replied to and we started a friendship on line which would take up most of the evenings chatting on facebook. We eventual started to chat and web cam on msn and we would spend up to 8hrs till the early hours of the next day chatting. we then met when we went to a birthday bash where we both knew each other was going and we just hit it off. we have gradually become closer everyday since then and have had a special moment when we were at a party and our eyes met at the same time and we both knew something was happening that we couldnt stop. We started going out together in secret for months until somebody saw us who knows her mother and told her. Her mother called me and wanted to meet me with her daughter and we discussed what had been going on and that she wanted us to stop. we tried but failed and continued seeing each other. We had not slept together at this point and we just enjoyed each others company. Eventually her mother could not cope with the secret and told her husband who is a year younger than i am! well he just flipped threatened us with all sorts and again that we must stop seeing each other. We have no be caught out a third time and he has stopped her from contacting me on facebook and msn and changed her mobile phone number. He constantly says its either him or me and other emotional threats. Even after all this we still cant help seeing each other. We are without a doubt in love with each other and have so much in common its unbelievable,we almost can finish off the others sentences we are so similiar.Now the major problem I am married with two children and had up until we met thought this was my lot and our marriage had literally hit rock bottom where we just seemed to live in the same house. I cannot get enough of my new love and miss her everyday we are away from each other and she feels the same. My wife wants us to try again but we have already split once before for 12 months, 11 years ago. I feel we are in the same place we were before and I feel I cannot let my new love pass me bye even though everyone wants us to and we are constantly being told it will never work. We both feel the same way and cannot keep away from each other. My wife and daughter both know as i have told them exactly how i feel and her parents, well her farther mainly will do anything to stop me as he thinks i have her in some sort of trance??? and that she is naive and too young to know what she wants from life. We enjoy each other in everyway now and love each other like crazy, we cant stop seeing each other and dont want to either. Why is life so hard when you feel you have found your soulmate no matter what her age is???? Help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009): well your lover is the other woman, your mistress. how else did you expect your wife to react. and now another pity party starts for the 18 year old??? maybe the lover should learn to keep away from other womans husbands. this girl has found out early in her life what lies and deceit breathes. what is sad is that you instigated the betrayal and both women, your lover and your wife, has to pay the price for your indescretion.
kudos to your wife for confronting the other woman. at least she was decent enough to put a stop to all the drama , betrayal, deceit and lies. once and for all.
A
female
reader, Accountable +, writes (26 August 2009):
 Sounds as though your girlfriend was under a lot of strain - honestly she probably did make the right decision for herself, right now. But I'd say see how things progress with a bit of time - if you really feel your marriage is unsalvageable and you cannot devote yourself to your wife with this younger girl on your mind after a few months, end your marriage and approach your (now ex?) girlfriend. Of course this is risky as your younger woman may not want anything to restart, but I think its the fairest thing to do, if only for your wife (who deserves to be loved wholeheartedly).Good luck again. :) xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Guys well an update on my situation!
Thanks for all the advice but at the end of the day my girlfriend could not cope with all the deceipt and lies that we had to go through to be together and it got to the point where my wife confronted her.
I know a lot of you will say at long last she did the right thing. But is it the right thing to finish someone you love because of other peoples feelings? what about our feelings?
well seems thats it for now so all I can do is hope that she will eventually see we were right for each other and try again. Well thats my hope.
Anyway thanks for all the advice good and bad!!
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female
reader, Accountable +, writes (20 August 2009):
Hi again OP; to clarify, i am the female anon poster from the 17th (finally decided to make an account to avoid confusion!)Thanks for replying to my post directly; im glad you found my post constructive rather than judgemental, as that was its intent. It sounds as though you are looking at the situation from a more balanced perspective now than in your original post, and it does seem clear that you have made the decision, consciously or unconsciously, to leave your wife. Given your history (though i do not condone your cheating in any way) it does perhaps seem fair that you move on now, in order to allow yourself, your wife and your new parter to venture off in different ways to find happiness. However i do worry that this action may cause a negative stigma to surround your girlfriend and yourself in your local community, should you be too open with your new relationship immediately - again, all i can say is handle with tact, and be respectful to your ex-wife.Returning to the issue of her father, i do understand why you may believe that her resentment in future would be aimed towards him, if he is truly being as closeminded and controlling as your posts would imply. But i would warn that if she has so far in her life had a healthy and loving relationship with her father, and this situation/both of your actions causes irreparable damage to that bond, it is equally likely that eventually she may feel some resentment towards yourself/herself; please do not allow this to happen and try to avoid being insulting of her father, even to her in confidence, despite your own belief that he is handling the situation wrongly. Although yes, he should allow her to make her own decisions in theory, i will again stress that this will take time for him to feel comfortable with; but i believe it WILL happen gradually as long as you both handle it in the right way. :)I apologise if this post has sounded negative, as I realise i have spent much of it pointing out potential flaws - i dont mean to discourage you from finding happiness with your new partner, i just hope that you will go about it in the right way, so that once everything has resolved itself (and it will do, in time) you find yourself with a fresh start, untainted by this tricky beginning to your new (legitimate) relationship.Good luck. xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Glownatural, I get where your coming from about this, I dont really have an issue with the age gap now she is 18 as we can go to pubs and clubs and nobody says anyhting whenwe are out and i dont feel awkward.I have asked her if she does and she says quite the opposite and she doesnt care what others think it was just her Dad.As for Mid life crisis! everybody says that in a situation like this, I dont see it as a crisis and its something that has developed over some years. Infatuation? Noooo thats not my style, she is really nothing like the type of woman I would usually go for looks wise its her personality firstly that gets me.Its just Ive fallen for someone I probably shouldnt of and she has me.It just seems so right when we are together or chatting on the phone for hours at a time or on line for hours. we both know its not the norm but what is in life?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): Dear RomI am not bitter. I am just realistic. You justify all your action and you believe you are doing right. You have not done the right thing for your family.You seem besotted with this 18 year old. You have messed up so many peoples lives in your attempt to justify your affair. You have away with words - more like a con artist, smooth. You do not call a spade a spade, you bullsh1t with your reasoning. You play with your words and as i said justify all you have done. Who are you trying to bluff. Only yourself! So please continue to call me bitter. Tactless even. But at least it made you to sit up and take notice, didn't it. See, i can be tactful. I think we both have spent too much of positive energy on your issues don't you think. This was not about the age difference but the ability for you to do the right thing, which you have proven, you won't. Good bye. I'm done.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the last posting I can say that alot of commen sense was written and Even though i feel the way I do as does My girlfriend, She is due to go to university and she will get lots of life experiences that I never had and things may change I am aware of that. What I have been really trying to say is why are there so many people wanting to wreck others happiness when it is hard to come across in the first place.
As for a payback on my wife I did not actual say that when my wife and I split up the first time she would not tell me what was wrong just she was not in love with me anymore, however she still loved me! I feel thats is where I am at this momment and when my wife found out about my affair I eventually managed to get the truth out of her that she had an affair when we split up and that she came back because her head rules her heart. I unfortunately do not feel the same way and my heart rules my head I do not want to hurt my wife in anyway but this was always going to happen at some point I think.
I do anything but smother my girlfriend and she is free to do what she wants when she wants and because of the situation we do not see each other a great deal.
On the subject of her farther I do understand that we have to tread carefully and that he will not understand as he has never been in this situation before. I never imagined I would but it has happened and there is not alot I can do now but to see what life brings me.
I do think that he should not blackmail her with his affections as it has not worked and I believe she will resent it in years to come.He would be better letting her make her own mistakes if it should turn out to be one. And it is no different to making a mistake when seeing someone her own age if that relationship should turn sour.
Thanks for your comments tho as they were more constructive and taken on board than those of the other anon female. who seems just very bitter.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): First of all i think i should make a distinction; i am not the female anon that has been posting, this is my first post (i just cant work up the effort to make an account). And while I can understand your defensive reaction to her posts, as they were not the most tactfully written, i believe they do make a valid point which needs to be taken on the chin - its all good and romantic to say that you should follow your heart, which will lead to happiness with this 18 year old etc etc, but you can't ignore that your selfish actions could be torturing your wife, a woman you profess to love. In fact it almost sounds as if you think your history with your wife - the 12 months separation - justifies what you are doing now, as if it is some kind of morbid payback. Call me narrowminded if you will; that is just where i stand. Before you go any further with your mistress you need to sort out your marital situation, and if your girlfriend is as mature as you say she is i am positive she will understand and will be happy to stay away and wait for you.Furthermore, I dont think any criticism of your girlfriends father is in any way justified - you say you have a daughter (though have not disclosed her age); i would venture to say that when she turned 18 you would have been naturally suspiscious of any 45 year old's advances on her, if you had never had any experience with a situation such as this before. It is his right as a parent to try and protect his daughter; though you may feel you are not a threat, he certainly does and this opinion needs to be respected and overcome carefully. He should not be slandered. While you argue your girlfriend is mature enough to make her own choices, this is true, but i can practically guarentee her father is looking at the situation in a much more objective, longsighted and wise way, and instead of driving a wedge between her and her father by disrespecting his wishes you should work on repairing current damage and gently bringing him around to the situation - this is almost definitely something he never wanted to face with his daughter, and you need to be tactful in how you handle this.As far as "age is only a number" goes, this is true (although a phrase thrown around so often on this site i feel it somewhat loses its meaning!), and at 17 i entered a relationship with a 20 year old last year, when i was 16 - i dont have any issue with age gaps in relationships on principle. But i would caution you in this case - although each person grows differently, there is a risk that if you smother your girlfriend now, as she is developing as a person, she may resent you later for never having had the chance to branch out and have wider experiences. And as a much younger woman a problem of what you each want in life may arise; she may not want to settle down with kids when you do, or may want to if you dont, etc etc. Think carefully about the longevity of your situation anyway, is all i'm trying to say, and good luck with whatever you decide. xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWoW! apology! for what? Kids! Pure evil! you choose your words well, and are a very hurtfull person in your choice of words.I feel you do not read the postings in full as if you did you would realise that I have said that my wife knows how I feel I am not leaving her in the dark and that she has done the same to me 12 years ago. I have a finacial commitment to my wife and children and cannot afford to leave at the momment as it would have a finacial impact on my family. I will always be able to support my self and could easily walk away and leave them to struggle however I would never do that and the person I am seeing does not want me to do that either.You also mention me catering for her emotional,sexual and financial needs!firstly she does not have any emotional needs other than the fact she has fallen in love with me! Sexual needs, she could easily find someone else to fulfil those needs if she wanted to and as she was in no rush to have a sexual experience until she was 18 I dont think she is exactly in need of it. And lastly Financialy, She is going to University in September, she works most weekends and over the summer holidays she has been working most evenings earning her own money.The most I have given her finacially is bought her dinner and a few drinks when we have been out and she always offers to buy the next round.In fact she has bought me things just off the cuff for no reason. Your replies make me wonder actually whether you have yourself been left by a man because he has found someone better??? I do not wnat to be rude but you have a lot of speculation into how people act and I feel sorry for you that you feel that women actually act like you think they do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): dear rom, if you want any respect i think you need to do the right thing for your long standing wife and kids, what you then do with your young mistress is up to you. as i said before we owe you an apology. you just took what this kid had to offer. she knowingly persued a married man and got her married man. kids like that are pure evil, they do not care who they hurt as long as they get what they want, and your one wanted you. i am sure you may have led a decent life with your wife previous to this girl so maybe you need to divorce your wife and move on. do not continue to be selfish. allow your wife to move on.i must warn you though. just be careful your young one doesn't set her eyes on another married man she fancies. you have ade against you and shortly she will be in her prime. i just do not want you to go through heartache and pain when she leaves you. for now you are seeing to her emotional, sexual and financial needs the moment she finds someone better you are out. just be aware of this reality. i don't want you in your old age to be alone. as you said before your mistress is very mature for her age. she knows what she wants and is not shy to go out and get it. good luck, boy you need it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhmmmm again I think you have missunderstood me. We have known each other since she was around 14 not as friends or anything else but just in passing!
When she was 16 I said she had flirted with me at local parties nothing more! and it was not until she was 17 that we actual started seeing each other and nothing happened until she was 18.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): i think we all have been mistaken. we have been feeling so sorry for the 18 year old, thinking that she has been manipulated, but this is the farthest from the truth. rom posted a few day ago (7 August in another age related post)that this girl was giving him the comeon since she was 14 years old. flirting with him and making herself available to him. this child knew exactly what she was doing. rom just took what she offered it seems. so rom from me to you, sorry for blaming you. i have always spoken about kids playing dangerous games with adults, and knowing what they want and going all out and getting it, no matter what the consequences.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): what does your wife say to all this great happiness being experienced by you and your mistress. what happens to your wife and kids now. how does your 18 year old feel about being the other woman. you have been in this girls life since she was 14 so that makes her under age inintially isn't it. you started your affair with her when she was 16. i am astounded that you can condone your actions. this is not only about age but the deception you have been embarking on with your affair. you were flirting with this girl since she was 14, OMG she was a CHILD. While you were officially married you were giving this girl the indication that you were interested. after a while of grooming you made your move. smooth, man. there is a name for people like you. how do you face your kids. oh wait, you have nothing to be ashamed of, since you have done nothing wrong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thought it best to reply to the last three anonymous replies from the female writer! What I would like to say is firstly I am sorry for you that you were manipulated by someone older than yourself into sex!! when you were 18. And that when I was 18 I manipulated lots of women into sex as thats is what mainly young men do as they have very few morals when younger and a will lie to women just to get them into bed.
That does not happen with a man when he matures as we respect women more and understand them better. As for 18 year old women they are more mature than than boys of the same age.
In my situation It was a mutual getting to know each other and over a period of spaning 10 months we have grown to where we are now and are both very happy with the situation it would seem that its others who are not so happy about the relationship and thats not eveyone by the way. I would also like to point out that we talk often about our situation and what the effects for the future could be. She is very optomistic and we just take each day as it comes as we may not be here tomorrow.
Also I like to refer to Charlie Chaplins marriage to his third wife who he married when he was in his 60s and she was just 18. They were married for 26 years I believe, had 8 children and she lived another 10 years after his death and never stopped mourning him the full 10 years.
So what I am trying to say theses relationships can work and do work and as for the other posting you refered to about the woman who can stand to be with her older partner, well that is a totaly different set of circumstances.
Also I keep myself fit and healthy I eat good healthy food and work out in the gym at least 4 times a week and dont smoke, I have a physical job in construction and as such am pretty lean and showing no signs of slowing down in fact I can and do show up guys half my age when it comes to physical work. I am not doing this either to try to keep a young girlfriend but to keep fit and healthy for myself. Everyone is different and you should judge people on their individual merits not that we have a large age gap. We are happy is not good enough for some people for now?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): i think the 18 year old should read the post dated 11 August 2009, "He's 30 years older and he's now giving me the creeps". The age factor does matter.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): I dont care how intelligent she is, she is still a child. Teenagers often have identity issues, and you might be going through midlife crisis not a very good combination.
Age should not be an issue when it comes to "love", but at 18, you think you know but you dont!
I really feel for this girl and her parents.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): I will not judge your actions as I believe you have no malice. However, I speak as 39 year old who was once 18 and went out with a 38 year old man. Trust me, she might seem grown up to you and 18 might be a the age of majority in some countries but she is still a child. She has not developed enough, there's a lot she needs to experience before she really knows what she wants. Please let her go, I know it might be hard, but please let her go.She might have some feelings for you, but at her age, with little information about life, she cant be going out with a man as experienced as you are.
If I was her parent I would lock her in and throw away the key. I wish somebody did the same for me. I was a "good" teen, planned to have a bright future, abstained from sex as I did not want to get pregnant. Boyfriends my age were not experienced enough to manipulate me. I broke up with my boyfriend who was my age and this man older man was there. I knew nothing abound rebound and thought I loved this man. He manipulated me to have sex with him, I was easily manipulated and I trusted his every word because he was older and my teacher. I made it clear to him that I did not want to get pregnant and he assured me that I wouldnt. I also thought he had a lot to lose if I did.
I later realised that I was on a rebound, and wanted out. Needless to say, he manipulated me to stay and got me pregnant in the process. Something I learnt later that he did it deliberately because he wanted to keep me.
To this day, I am very resentful, and strongly believe such unions should be made criminal!!!
I know you mean well but please let her go......
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): i said child because,well what else can i say. she is her fathers child,that is what i meant. i cant exactly say the fathers adult now can i?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Anon,
You clearly have not fully understood my situation fully and that I have not decieved anyone! In fact I could not have been more honest. Granted in the very begining when we where just talking and went for an innocent coffee together I had not told anyone of our feelings and when we were seen having this coffee I fully explained everything to her mother and my wife and even my own daughter as she is old enough to understand.
I will do right by my wife and I do love her but not in the way I should as a husband. I also failed to say that 11 years ago my wife left me for 12 months and i had no idea what was going on or why and she never told me even when we got back together. Only when all this came out did we sit down and talk and she told me she was seeing somebody when we split for the 12 months but decided it was better to get back with me! in her own words she said she thought with her head and not her heart!!! unfortunately I allow my heart to do my thinking as that is the route to true happiness.
So as for decieving anyone it is not me I have been totally open with my wife and she wants to try again and I have told her whilst I have feelings for this girl I cannot even contemplate that and that if our finacial circumstances were better I would move out and maybe then we could see how things developed.
As things stand it is very hard I do not want to hurt my family as my children are my life but they will grow and move on in their own lives. I will always be around to help the mother of my children no matter what and my girlfriend as i will call her for now is completly with me on that.
I understand her dads reasoning but when she says how she feels he should let her make her own mind up and if this all turns out to be a mistake its her mistake and mine and she will not have ruined her life? as you stated! if anything it is I who stand to loose the most if this goes wrong and if it does atleast I will have tried. To love somebody no matter how old they are and to just let them go because of narrow minded family and friends would be the biggest mistake and one I may and she may live to regret. At least by following our hearts we can at least say we tried. And if it all works out as we would like then what would you want to deny us that happiness?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): the problem you have is not the age difference. it is everything else you have done in your affair. age is but a number, however you have pulled a number on your wife. that is the problem. the age difference is the least of the real issues.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): my dear anon OP, you failed to see the severity of your actions. you are a married man having an affair. what do you want me to do condone your affair and let you think that by you destroying all those lives around you, that hey is ok. you have not accounted for your actions, you suddenly become self righteous when it is you conducting yourself in this "despicable" manner. you seem to only have a problem with this girls father. why? all of a sudden it is her father who is at fault for wanting to protect his daughter from the likes of older married men. get this- he doesn't want her to mess up her life, as you have done in yours. what father wouldn't want the best for his kids. i use of the term "child" was trying to give you an indication of just how young she is, yet you failed to see this. in fact, you think you have done nothing wrong. this is not about the huge age gap only, it is about how you have deceived the people in your life and how you continue to mess up. you only see this girls father as a problem, when in fact it is you that is the problem not him. how narrow minded are you, indeed. well as for your wife, did you not hear of the word "divorce". strange that you still hold on to your marriage yet you are not committed to it. just making observations. moral backbone is something we all stive for but sometimes we sadly miss the mark and we don't even want to acknowledge it.
firstorm, i see that you are jumping to this mans defence. but i am sure you will agree, he is an adult and he can handle some constructive criticisms. by leaping to his defence you put your foot in it - "childs father is a menace". you also call this female a "child". we are not so different after all by our choice of words.
so OP, age is just a number. but if you go about deceiving and hurting people in the process while trying to attain this chance of happiness what do you expect in return. something to think about. this girls father is not the enemy. maybe it is time to realise this. he is concerned about his daughters well being. and so whould you. i still maintain if you truly love this girl, let her go. end your marriage. then if you two were meant to be, then its all fair game. but don't build on lies and deceit, betrayal and hurt, humiliation and disrespect. if you build your life on this, how can you move forward and try to maintain a decent life.
so firestorm and OP, my comments are different from yours. we are all entitled to look at things differently. just as i accept your constructive criticisms of my views, i trust my thoughts on this matter will also give you food for thought. OP , go well and please learn to do the right thing going forward.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso just wanted to say to the anonymous writer, in england we have allowed our citizens to work full time at 16, to have legal sex at 16, to vote at 18 and to drink at 18, yet you still think that they are children!!!!I am glad that I have more faith in the future of our country from these so called children in there decision making.Think about that for a little while!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): to female anon,you are one narrow minded woman.how dare you treat him like that he only wanted advice not grief.the childs father is a menace and so are you.he is not a fool or anything else you have called him.and one day you should learn age is only a number,and that causing others grief will get you grief in return ten fold.remember that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the comments but you are so far from the truth its un believable! We knew each other for more than 8 months before anything sexual happened, this is not anything to do with any sordid behaviour! I am sorry you are so narrow minded not to be able to see that love does not see age as a problem but mearly as an obsticle.
I would never of considered a relationship with someone as young but she is in no way a child. In fact she seems far more mature than your reply leads me to believe you are?
At 18 she could be married with two children and be in an abusive relationship, and still be as you call it a child! This is not the case and she is in a loving relationship with a person who cares for her with all his heart.
And yes I understand that my wife will be hurt from this, but is it better to sty in a relationship that is more like a friendship and miss the chance at true happiness that you may regret in years to come?
If she was 25 and I were 52 nobody would bat an eyelid and as years go by it gets easier as age does not seem to matter as you get older. So why now!!!
She is a very intellegent woman and we have so much in common except our age.
I hope that one day you will be able to accept things that are outside the realms of what some would say normal and then you may even accept others differences!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): you are 45 yrs old, married with kids, and you are sleeping with a mere girl. right? you have a problem with her father disapproving of your relationship with his child. right? your wife know about your affair. and you are still married to her? right?
you have been given a lot of liberated views on your situation and i believe you think you have done no wrong here. in fact you canot be firther from the truth!
you are messing up a young gilrs life.. you will destroy it. so yes, you persued her, while you were fully married 9meaning not seperated from your wife). you did no care who you hurt in the process but you ended up starting an affair with this girl. you did not care for anyone, this girl is going to get a reputatino and you are not bothered but his , are you? her parents are right in wanting her to be rid of you. you are a grown man for goodness sake,. stop thinking with that sexual organ dangling bet your legs. she is CHILD compared to you. she is equally to blame for having an affair with a married man, make no mistake of this. you have messed up your wifes life, do you even bother with this? i think not. so you and your child lover want to be together. well then, just go on ahead. it will only end in disaster, and you know it. her parents may want to protect her from you but maybe she doesn't need protection. birds of a feather, flocking together???? the only person hurt by your sordid behaviour is your wife. you may be lusting after your child lover now but in a while this age difference will catch up and your young lover will move on to better. yep, she will move on. she is 18 and she will do to you what you are doing to your wife.
i really admire this child father. he is man enough to stand up to you. you expect a grown man like yourself to know better but sadly you do not. what an old fool you are going to turn out to be. you should grow some balls and try doing the right thing, that is if you know what it is. do you even care about doing the right thing. well time will tell. know the saying, you will reap what you sow, well, it has never been truer in your case.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): in which case her mother is a good woman in some aspects,but even though she does not approve she should not try and stop her make her own decisions,as i said she is an adult.even if she wasnt it is very cruel.perhaps she does not realise how much you both want this for each other?in which case make her understand that this relationship is all you both want.i understand this woman/girl respects her dad but i do not know why as she is treating her like a toddler and emotionally abusing her.plus he disrespects her wishes in life.given all i do not think her dad is the type of man to let things rest or leave you two in peace.in which case as i said other things must be done.to prevent serious emotional damage in the future on your girlfriends behalf and for you not to lose true love.losing true love is nothing nice,and i know.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirestorm, thanks for your comments, However I did not mention that her mother actually even though she does not approve knows me and knows i would never do anything to hurt her daughter and realises how much I love and care for her. It is her Dad that is the one who will not let this relationship continue and would do anything to stop it. In his eyes she is throwing her life away on me. She has be brought up very well and is a credit to her parents and holds a lot of respect for her dad which i respoect her for. He is just very narrow minded and I would rather he came around in his own time to accept us as a couple, how ever long it takes. She is due to go to university this september and this alone will offer its own problems to our relationship. I also feel so guilty for my wife as she has done nothing wrong except probably distance herself from me over the years. she is a great wife and anyone would or should be happy. But for whatever reason I have fallen for this other person and I have never felt so strong for anyone in all my life. so mixed up and messed up at the moment. But I do know I want my new love for ever.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2009): age is only a number and her parents need to realise this.also she is an adult and her parents have no buisness in stopping you two seeing each other,emotionally abusing her,stopping her use facebook or changing her phone number!now it is very clear you and your wife are over and you have found your true love in life.so please i beg you to help this girl leave her abusive,controlling,useless parents because she needs to be happy,and deserves a man like you.find a place to live together,or rent a place,anything just leave and live your lives happily.she does not need parents like that any day so the further away she gets the better.do not let anyone get in the way of true love,because THAT is more devastating than losing parents(in her case id say no loss but hey)or friends.and i should know.not that my mum is bad but most other people are pathetic and never leave others in peace.i trust you will make the best decision for the both of you.
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reader, therightman +, writes (31 July 2009):
By the way, if you really want to, inspite of your feelings for this young lady, you can indeed rebuild your marriage. It looks doubtful but it can be repaired if you really want to.
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reader, therightman +, writes (31 July 2009):
hi, While most people will talk about your age difference and marriage complications, I want to say that I understand that you are both truly in love. You both consciously or unconsciously engaged in activities that not only build and bond people in the emotions and feelings of love. eye contact, talking for long hours, exchanging and disclosing deep personal information etc. leads to emotional bonding. couple of things you need to bear in mind, despite your strong attachment:1. if you plough ahead with the relationship many people are going to irreparably affected. Regardless of what you think divorce has a devastating effect on not only your wife but definitely your children.2. Also she will definitely have to deal with lots of social stigma of getting involve with a man who could be her dad3. the relationship will permanently damage her relationship with her father4. what is going to happen when she is 50 and you 77?5. it is not impossible for this to work but there are lots of things at stake, you must look beyond your strong feelings of attachment and do what is right for her, your children, your wife, her father and you.Trust you will make the right decision
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2009): Age is Just a number. Time doesnt exist. All you know is you have this moment, so live it how you want.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah I understand that her paretnts wouldnt want her messing around with an older man. But how can you help feelings.
I do intend to settle my marriage so I can move on but currently things have to remain as they are so her parents do not cause her more grief.
I say Woman/Girl only for the people reading to understand that I see her as a fully grow and mature woman, however I realsie others would see her age and say she was still a girl. She is without a doubt mature and has more common sense than most women i have come across. As for moving at the same pace I believe we do and have so much in common. I am very young at heart and she has a wise head on her shoulders and we seem to compliment each other.
She respects her parents and does not want to hurt them but they are very controlling. I feel that her farther could be driving a wedge between himself and his daughter as she is 18 and wants to be treated as the adult she is.
Thanks for your comments though
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reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 July 2009):
 Exelent advice Babymama99
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reader, babymama99 +, writes (30 July 2009):
 This is not really that hard:
1st - she is 18 years old, an adult (no problem).
I was really feeling for you until I got to your last paragraph and then all sympathy went out the window. I also feel for her parents. I can understand why they wouldn't want their little girl messing around with some man who is older than they are. ewww.
2nd - You need to get your marriage settled before you can move on to someone else. This needs to be your first priority. Either fix it or end it but you need to do something! Expecially for your children - and why is your daughter in the mix?
3rd - You referred to her as a "woman/girl". Which says to me that even YOU don't see her as fully mature. Give her a while to grow up a little and to get out on her own. You have to let her mature give her some time to grow. When two 18 year olds are dating they are moving along at around the same pace. But when an 18 year old is dating a 45 year old the pace is completely out of her league.
Maybe while you're getting your marriage settled or ended. You can give her some time to grow and become more independant. Because quite frankly even you need to step back for a minute and get your situation under control.
Only then will you be able to enjoy your life with your "soulmate" without the added stress.
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reader, lonestarchalk1 +, writes (30 July 2009):
 Hello my friend, first off, your a dog dude, but on the other hand, I have been in a marriage like yours, in fact I felt more alone in my marriage than i ever did single, also, my biggest regret from years gone by is not following my heart when I was in love with someone, my advice my friend is honor your feelings and honor your heart, likewise I'd encourage this girl to do the same, it is far more fulfilling to have loved and lost, than to never loved at all, role with it man, full steam ahead, and let the by standards say what they will, tell them to kiss your ass.
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