A
female
age
41-50,
*tefffrench
writes:My boyfriend and I we have been dating for over 6 years, he lives in the UK and he is married, I am living in France and I am single. We do care about each other and we do trust each other. We get on well even though we are far from each other. However the last time I saw him was in June, since then we haven't seen each other again. It's been over 5 months and I am dying to meet up again. He is now in the US to visit his family and yesterday he added up 2 more weeks to his holidys. He makes me feel like he doesn't want to come see me. I asked many times already to come but without no success and when I open up myself to him to make him understand I need to see him, he won't say nothing. I am now struggling and thinking about breaking up because I don't see the sense of being with someone who doesn't put no effort into coming to see me. I am lost and confused, please tell me your thoughts. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): You are neither lost nor confused. Your problem is quite simple, as is the solution. You love a man who is married to another woman and is not available to you. Let's repeat that; he's MARRIED. A sexual relationship with him isn't just a waste of time on your part - it's called adultery.
Please stop wasting your precious time on earth and find a man who is single and available. It really is that simple.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): i was reading thisand i can say i know how you feel. how? i am going through nearly the same thing. but the relationship i had with my guy wasnt long distance, nor was it a sex based one. we were friends first and have been for near 10 years. however, my screw up when we were just teens lost him to me forever. he's married now, with a son, and it hurts like hell everyday. and though he says things to me like "i think of you when i am with her" and "i wish things could be different. i live with regret everyday" he's still not coming to see me. the first time ever he has refused.
the advice the others have given, yes i need to take it too and move on. but i wanted you to know that there is someone out there who is familiar with the pain and dificulty of that scenario.
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A
female
reader, sweetheart1nonly  +, writes (26 November 2007):
MARRIED?? Please stay away from him and find someone single to build your life with.
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A
female
reader, maggie1987 +, writes (23 November 2007):
 well first of all as he makes no effort to come see you then he obviously isnt worth it, even though this is a long distance relationship 6 years is a lot of time to be seeing someone thats not in the same country if you were really that much in love with each other both of you would make a decision for one of you to move to each others country and as that hasnt happened then i would give up now and go looking for someone more better than he is because you deserve someone that loves you and will be with you no matter what !! hopefully this helps ! thank you bye
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A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (23 November 2007):
 I am sorry but you say he is married and he is your boyfriend. Pardon, a married man can not be your boyfriend. And to be blunt he can only be your lover. It is surprising that after you have mentioned once in passing that he is married, it never occurs to you that may be he is just busy with his wife and kids.
Please realize...You cannot have a boyfriend girlfriend relationship with a married man. It is not ok to you to him and to all around you. Find someone single available and who has time for you. Wake up...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): he's married?! Please use some sense and leave him alone. It really is not worth your time or effort.
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A
female
reader, calamitysil +, writes (23 November 2007):
 I can't imagine you got much out of the relationship even if you've been "seeing" each other for 6 years and not living in the same country. What a waste of your life! It's fine for him, he has his wife while you get to see him at HIS convenience. That is not love. If you really feel that this guy makes you happy for the odd few times you get together, you really don't have very high standards for yourself. Stop selling yourself short, let him go! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain including some self respect. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (23 November 2007):
 Sorry got to agree with the others, i have been on the other side of an affair and it's bloody hell, just think how it would effect you if he was your husband doing it to you.
There's plenty of unattached guys out there.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (23 November 2007):
 For God sake you are a grown woman, not a lovesick teenager. You have wasted 6 precious years over this buffoon, who does not give you one ounce of commitment. When are you gonna wake up an sniff the Cappucino sister, this guy is dangling you on a string and you are too naive to see that. Ditch this loser and find someone who is available for you, he will not and I repeat will not be yours in a million years, he has a wife and family to think about not some bit of fluff who is there at his beck and call.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2007): pgissyd is so right. Sorry but i dont quite know just what you expect us to say. He is married and prefers his wife and family, what can i say? You played with fire and now your are suffering from burns!
My gran used to say that there were no bad men, only bad women, i still dont go that far, but part of it is true. If there werent any women out there like you there wouldnt be bad men about, and there would be happier and longer marriages.
Dont get in touch with him, have some pride, walk away with your head held high. If he gets in touch then tell him to push off. Get a bloke who is free and single and stop playing this stupid game with someone else's bloke. Second hand goods. He is not your bf, he is her husband, listen to me now! Stop!
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, pgissyd +, writes (23 November 2007):
 You know what, I am getting fed up with this.
He is married, he is OFF LIMITS, wake up and smell the coffe he has chosen his loving wife and family over the long distance meaningless (to him) affair.
Sure you may love him, and trust him and so on, but he sure as hell does not love you.
Put this MARRIED man out of your head and find a decent un-married guy ok.
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