A
female
age
41-50,
*amarillo
writes:Ok...ex bf dumped after 2+yrs together saying he wanted space and wasn't sure whether he loved me as gf or a friend. Gave him space then few weeks ago said he doesn't want to be with me anymore and wants to be friends with me. I never bothered to contact him after that (except to wish him a Happy birthday). He called me up a couple of days ago again wondering why i haven't answered and that i'm igoring him. He keeps wanting to know how i am and about my family (relatives i am staying with).What gives? Does he want me back? (i doubt it) or just alleviating his guilt over the break up? The annoying thing is he keeps referring me to the petname he used to call me when we were going out together! (i told him last time to stop it, he did for a bit but then still does it)The crappy thing is that I still love him! So far I have ignored his phone calls. Do i contact him?yes i do want to get back with him but its really not my choice is it? I can't force someone get back with me. I'm too scared to call him in case i break down again...should i just email or text him?
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female
reader, unknown1111  +, writes (21 April 2011):
Can i ask how it all turned out for you. I'm in a similar situation with my bf of 14 years.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): Hiya
I am also going through EXACTLY the same thing. My bf broke with me 3 weeks ago. He txts me every day, morning and night, we work in the same place, and if i treat him like any other colleague, im ignoring him or blanking him!? He says he still loves me etc. I think we all need to just hang in there if we think the relationship is worth it. Otherwise, I'd just let him go. I told my ex this yesterday that I think it's worth sticking around for and that if he didn't feel the same way, he has to stop contacting me so I can get over him, and him me if that's his decision. This morning he txt me. Actions speak louder than words in every way.
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female
reader, nativegrl +, writes (14 May 2008):
Girl, I am going throught the exact same thing you discribed. I am lost, a wreck,and I try to be all cool about this and when I see,talk or think of him I loose it all over again. But he still pays the bills and calls to say "hi". I don't understand because he also said he wasen't sure if he still loved me anymore. He did say he wasen't coming back, but he clearified it as reffering to the apartment. If he's serious I wish he'd stop pulling my emotions around like a puppet.When you find out what helps you get through this let me know, I'm an emotional basketcase.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): if i dont call him are text him would he come back
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): Do not answer him.. let him do the work, after all it was him who needed his space so let him have it.....they always want what they cannot have... just make sure that if you do get back to hold back a little and don't give too much in words or actions.....sad but true.....
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female
reader, sadeyes +, writes (30 March 2008):
HIAs mentioned before,going through this myself and as difficult as it is,you really now need to concentrate on not doing it again.I have just spent the whole weekend moping about the house wanting to pick up the phone.I was so sure he was gonna call me and when he iddint it made me even worse.However,you have called your bf,just remember teh next time you think about doing it how stupid you felt this time.If someone tells you they want space then that is what you need to give them,by calling,texting etc you are only appearing needy and desperate and this will reinforce in their mind why they split from you originally.I want nothing more than to call my bf but i know that if i do we will chat great for 10 mins then the overwhelming feeling to discuss what went wrong will appear and do you honestly think he wants to talk about that AGAIN.By not contacting him he is gonna wonder what you are up to and it might make him sit up and notice that you can function without him and he wont like that.So i honestly think the key here is PATIENCE,hopefully he will eventually realise what he is missing,and if he doesnt then it wasnt meant to be.It is really hard but that is the principle I am working to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): Hey your not alone there girl, I emailed my boyf asking could we start again after he said we should take a break and he text me back after reading it saying he was goin out with his brother and that I should go out wiht the girls and have a good nite and it will take time for "us" and I really don't know what he means by that.
If he refused you the first time you asked him for a 2nd chance you shouldn't have persisted with it! But at least you were upfront and honest about not been able to be friends with him. As for moving you, all you can do is stay busy, get out with friends and make new friends and go to new places! I kno the feeling as for me during the week is fine as I'm busy at work but at the w/ends when I would be with my guy its the hardest and I think thats why I emailed him today like I did!
I'm sure you'll be fine and that your friends will be there for you to help you get thro it all too
Best of luck x
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female
reader, Tamarillo +, writes (29 March 2008):
Tamarillo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i did the most stupidset thing and called him up. at first it went well then it kind of went downhill from there. I was pretty much asking him for another chance to make it work but he refused and i kept persisting but he wouldn't budge. In the end i just told him that i can't talk to him anymore and don't want contact with him because it hurts too much. He got annoyed at that point but i think he agreed to it. I told him that I could never be friends with him ever. He was afraid of losing me as a friend but to be honest tough...he can deal with it. Do you think i've done the right thing? I have tried to make an attempt at reconciliation thinking thats what he wanted by contacting me but he refused. At least I know I tried my best and that it didn't work out but not on my part. How do I get over it now? I'm finding it so hard to move on...i can't function right now. Its doing my head in
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): You could always be polite and reply back via email in relation to his voicemail and just ask him how his easter went? If you want you could also mention the fact that you still have feelings for him that its not fair of him to expect you to be friends straight away that you need some time before you can do that.
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female
reader, Tamarillo +, writes (29 March 2008):
Tamarillo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell since the voicemail he left on late tuesday evening I haven't heard anything else from him. The thing is I do want him back but don't know how to go about it. :(
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female
reader, Tamarillo +, writes (28 March 2008):
Tamarillo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI still love him..so it hurts so much. He says that he loves me but not sure as a gf or a friend. Anyway he says he is confused.
In his last voicemail it sounded like hes resigned to the fact that I'm ignoring him and it was final because he said he only wished positive things for me. I feel so tempted to contact him by email but i dont know what to say. Do i reply and say: "Hello X, How are you? Hope you had a good easter weekend. Hope you're well."
In the 2+yrs together we never argued..but had little disagreements which were always resolved in the end. He would always say when we were together that I was the most pleasant and nice gf he has ever had and always trying to make him happy and he said it again when he broke it off with me. If i was the nicest gf hes ever had then why break it off with me?
We had a meeting a couple ofweeks ago which i asked for..things were tense and he didn't seem very happy to see me. In the end I was so distraught that I was crying. After that meeting i thought i wouldn't have to hear from him anymore and then a few days later he phoned me and I answered (his phone number didn't show up - he hid it)and he sounded like he was trying to get reassurance from me that it was the right thing to do. After that phone call i thought that would be it. Then last week he emailed me to wish me a happy easter (using my petname) which I never replied to.
I want him back..i still love him and its terrible! I guess I'm reading into things too much? Anyway he pretty much left it to me to contact him. His last voicemail he said to call him or if i dont want to talk to him to email him to see how i'm doing.
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female
reader, Tamarillo +, writes (28 March 2008):
Tamarillo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm in a state of confusion right now...i know that its over. But the contact thing just confuses me even more. Its like every time he contacts me which i have ignored so far he always wants me to contact him or if i don't to email him. He got annoyed on the last voicemail that i was ignoring him.
I dont expect any birthday greeting from him for my birthday next week even though i did the courtesy of doing that for him when it was his birthday on the sunday just been. I'm sure that its just going to be another day for him and nothing more.
slightly off topic and long winded..but i did have a dream about us breaking up six months ago when we were still together. I was at his place and I woke up terrified and crying and he asked what was wrong and I told him. He was so adamant that time that we wouldn't break up...and look where we've endedup now. :) guess someone up there was sending me a message.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): I broke up with my boyf last week over something silly but we talked at the w/end (I was hoping we’d sort things out) about a lot of things that both of had bottled up in about our relationship but now he wants a “BREAK” for a few weeks. I agreed (reluctantly) to this but now I so badly want to ring/text him to see how he’s doing and any time the fone rings etc I find myself hoping its him… Things didn’t end badly with us and he said we’ll always be friends… I have managed so far to hold back from ringing/texting him as I want to give him some space that he feels he needs too. I’m afraid that by not contacting him it looks like I don’t care which is the total opposite of how I feel and that if I do, I’m not respecting his wishes for the break and will look desperate and needy – it’s a no win situation I think. If things between you didn’t end badly there’s no reason you can’t be friends unless you still have feelings for him and want to get back with him. If that’s the case your just gonna have to be honest with him and tell him that you can’t be friends with him at the moment as you still have feelings for him and that it would only make things harder by trying to be friends until these feelings are gone. I’m sure he’ll understand and respect you for been honest with him.
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female
reader, CharmmyKitty +, writes (28 March 2008):
 Even though he's told you that he's not in love with you anymore, I'm sure that you still mean a lot to him as a person. Feelings change, but you've given eachother a lot and two years is a long time...
It'd be great if you guys could stay friends, but you need some healing time. Since you're still in love with him, it'll be hard for you to get over him if you talk to eachother often. I'd just let him know that your hurt, and you're the one that needs your 'space' now.
When you feel like you don't miss him anymore, it's safe to try and get in touch again, but you might want to start off with just text or email.
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female
reader, sadeyes +, writes (28 March 2008):
HI
Going through exactly the same thing myself,bf of a year has told me he isnt in love with me and will never be anything more than friends,but as i'm sure you will agree,actions speak louder than words and you know by the way someone looks at you whether they are in love or not.Anyway same thing,he has told me he wants us to carry on exactly the same as before but obviously the romantic side of things will be gone,we have only split a week ago and already I am going mad,the phone is like a magnet and then you are so angry with yourself when you give in.Like you,i think ball is in his court and sometimes the best thing you can do is cut yourself off because as long as you are in touch they know exactly everything going on in your life and they dont have chance to miss you
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