A
female
age
41-50,
*iggerkeda
writes:I have been with my guy for 3.5 years. We've had problems and are working through them. The thing is he lies about everything! Lying is my pet peeve, he knows it, but keeps doing it. I give him no reason to lie, but he just won't stop. His stories never add up and when I figure it out, he gets mad. I need help as to why he lies. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Aunt Annie  +, writes (8 August 2010):
I think because you have been together for so long, he should know by now that lying hurts you like HEAPS! You need to sit down and have a talk about it because quite frankly, your relationship ISN'T working and if you BOTH want it to, you BOTH need to pitch in and do your thing.
Also, think about this. Does he have any reason to be lying to you? Have you ever done something to him that he feels is hurtful too? Again, a deep and meaningful conversation is the best way to go.
Good luck and I hope I have helped! :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2008): I know you love him, otherwise you would not still be with him.
I think you should re-evaluate your role in his lying. Are you perfectly sure that you do not set yourself up? Do you tell him all of your likes and dislikes and expect him to agree with you? Do you get angry when you realize that he is his own person and can like, dislike, and do what he wants?
If so, then his lying is not all his fault.
I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, silenta +, writes (19 June 2008):
Dido. My boyfriend is the same with the lies. I also give him no reason to lie and when I add things up or look at his paper trail and bring it to his attention, he gets mad and lies even more. I have noticed that he lies even when it means nothing to himself or anyone else. To lie about a resturant or what someone said to him all for the sake of conversation. Just don't say anything if you have to make up something. The problem with my friend is I am sold on the fact that he has a narcissistic personality disorder. To deal with his lies...I just don't question him anymore. I just know that if it came from him, it's a lie. I don't change my program at all anymore. If he says on Monday he is taking me to the movies on Friday, I say okay, and act as if he said nothing. On Friday, I am not mad about the lie because I never changes my plans. He may ask me if I forgot our plans and I have no problem telling him that he lies so much I wasn't sure if we were doing anything or not so I penciled in something extra. DEAL WITH IT.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): when a man lie too much that means they are avoiding un arguiment from my point of view lier is always lier they will get wrost and he lie bec he have someting to hide, when a husand start liying it is wake up call for the worst , so u have to open ur eyes and ear and make sure u will be strong if u found out somthing, take care
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007): If lying is your pet peeve, the real question is, why are you dating a lier? (Could it be that you actually get some type of satisfaction out of his continual lying?)
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male
reader, nologo  +, writes (6 June 2007):
 In fact there are two different types of liars.
From your story it's not clear which one he is.
Anyway, you are asking this: "I need help as to why he lies".
First, there is a type of people who lie with premeditation.
In this case confront him and if it doesn't help - dump him.
Second, there are people who lie without any premeditation.
And if this is your guy, the reason is that he has an issue.
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A
female
reader, Samira  +, writes (6 June 2007):
Have you ever thought of relationship counselling, it would definitely give you a bigger insight into what make your partner lie? Because he could be doing it for a number of reasons. One of the reasons could be low self-esteem, he may think that he is boring and the only way to engage in a conversation with you is to make some thing up that interest you. Then when you catch him out he feels embarrassed and upset, at the same time it leaves you hurt and confused as to why he feels he needs to lie after three and a half years of being in a relationship.
At the end of the day there could be a number of reasons why your partner is lying to you. But the only way to find this out would be to talk to him, try not to shout because he’ll probably get embarrassed and that will then open a whole other can of worms. I think your best bet would be to calmly address the lying with your partner and try to listen to what he is saying, if he does open up!. A lot of the time in relationships we seem to spend all day shouting and talking over one another when arguing, but we never seem to really listen to what the other person is really trying to say?
If this doesn’t work then I would highly recommend some sort of relationship counselling, because you have been together three and a half years and it would be a shame to throw all that away with out trying other options first?
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A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (6 June 2007):
 Usually when people lie it's a way of boosting themselves in the eyes of other people. It depends what he lies about. If it's exaggeration or lies about things to embellish stories and so on, then he's probably got a vivid imagination and enjoys using it. Often very bright people will do this. In that case you have to decide whether or not you can accept it. He won't change.
However, if he's lying about important things then you have a problem. Put it this way: can you trust him? If it's making you feel unsure about yourself or your relationship then he's using it to control and manipulate you. I've been in this situation and it never gets any better. Counselling might help him if he'll go, but otherwise I very much doubt that he'll change.
I'd seriously question whether or not you want a longterm relationship with someone who lies. It'll get that you never know when he's telling the truth, and that's an unhappy way to live. Hope this helps a bit.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2007): Then stop dating men who seem to deliberately lie. We all will lie and for those who have lied to the point it has become a part of who they are and how they live...I say don't choose them for romantic partners. Why do this? Why stay?
If it drives you that batty, why stay? You need to figure out yourself and really, you can't change a man and he will resent you if you try. He will resent you for not accepting him, and will think you are trying to control him so with this...he won't stop lying.
See where I am going?
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