A
female
age
36-40,
*asmin_x
writes:i am in a relationship with a married couple, i am deeply in love with the man as i met him first and have known him longer, the wife however who is born the day after me but 8 years older, sometimes i like her but other times i see her as competition, she irritates me trying to prove she is better than me all the time and it makes me feel like i have no confidence, the man does really care for me and sees me as equal, but she overeacts constantly thus getting all of his attention which leaves me resenting her. if this relationship doesnt work, i will lose him, and i love him so much i feel i cannot live without him, i can see straight through her and know she is playing games with me. either way she wins but it is emotionally destressing me as i am only 19 and he 30 and herself 27, i feel like i have no control of my own relationship. i will be by myself if she should choose to end it, and i know he and i both will not be happy. i accept she met him first but she constantly stresses him out and puts him down and i cant bare it, let alone like her. she wants me to run around after her, and it really angers me. i dont want to lose him, but i cant take this much longer. please kindly offer me your advice, as i have no one to speak to who can understand this situation. thankyou so much, i really appriciate it.
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female
reader, starchild  +, writes (12 July 2007):
 my dear im sorry to hear of all this.i emailed you privately on here so please check your mailbox and reply.love and light
A
female
reader, yasmin_x +, writes (11 July 2007):
yasmin_x is verified as being by the original poster of the question When you are in love with someone, it's hard to function, see sense or even understand where anyone is comming from. This couple are not bad people at all, and apologies for upsetting you but it still doesnt change the fact I felt that way. I dont want to be a horrible person but I just dont think anyone understands what I am saying.I really love him and there is nothing I can do to help or stop it. I know I have hurt them both, and they are good people, Ijust think the situation is wrong for allof us, and I really dont think 3 way relationships work.
But I can't help but feel a little bitter, because I want him. I feel like I need him, Why do I have to share? God it kills me, and I know it sounds so selfish. Im sorry for the way I am, And maybe one day I will find someone that I can be with on my own.
Well good luck in everything you do. again, apologies if I have upset you in anyway, I dont excpect you to understand.
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A
female
reader, yasmin_x +, writes (10 July 2007):
yasmin_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all, thanks for all your feed back, The relationship is over now and I now know that it couldn't work, however hard we tried. I tried to fool myself into feeling a cirtain way about someone and sometimes felt forced to do so. Anyway, I started to question myself, Why caan't someone just want me? I would always feel like second because of the way she looked and got attention all the time. He would always say how much he loved really skinny girls and what they wear etc and she was all of these and I am none. I never had a problem before with my appearence until now, I started to make myself sick so I could be as thin as her. I felt that she knew the way I felt but would still flaunt herself around us at any time she could, whether that was intentional or not I dont know. Either way they are still together and I am on my own. Good thing it happened early eh?xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2007): I can understand how your upset.The only thing I can say is to sit and talk to them.If you feel like she is always showing off.You feel like this because you want him to yourself.You should know that when their 2 women.That if the 2 women do not have a stronger connaction and love each other more.You are going to be hurt.Stop loving the man and start loving the woman.Yes love the woman not the man.He should be happy any ways.He has 2 women.I wish I could be that lucky.That is how I would want it.I would want them to be here for each other not just for me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2007): At 57 I have my fair share of relationships and experience. This is what I know-its not man/woman, woman/woman, man/man, 3 way whatever that matters. What matters is how do these people treat you-are they there for you when u need them or have problems, do they care, support you, can you rely on them, are they kind to you, are they good people-these are what really counts.Never take someone for granted, hold them close to your heart because you might wake up one day and realise that you have lost a precious diamond while you were too busy collecting stones.Dont listen to people on here or friends or anyone else because you could loose out on something or someone really good-maybe even the best thing that ever happen to you who knows. Ask yourself (only yourself not anyone else) are they both diamonds? Good genuine people that are diamonds are rare and hard to find in life so hold on to them,do not let them go if you are lucky enough for them to come into your life-if not you will loose them and end up surrounded by people, friends or even girlfriend or boyfriends who are like stones and regret your decision for years to come or for the rest of your life: trust me on this coming from an old timer like myself. If they are diamonds then stay and work through things-if one of them is a bad person or they both are bad people then leave as fast as you can-it is THAT which would not be a good situation for you (NOT the 3 way relationship) Best wishes with it all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2007): listen kiddo-forget everyone else.listening to advise is the worst thing cos you end up doing what everyone tell you and not what you want then you end up miserable! ok so u like sushi while everyone else say they dont like it and eating raw fish is bad-so what? when I was 20 I got involve with a couple that lasted 18mths.all my so called friends and those around kept telling me its wrong,im too young,i would never be happy,the situation not good for me.i let myself get egged on into a drunken one night stand.BIG mistake! the guy was a friend of a friend of the couple and few weeks later he turned up a house party they had! of course they found out and it was over.funny thing is, it was only after it was over i realised how good they and the situation was while the whole time i was with them i kept looking for faults as according to soceity and friends it was wrong.no bf or gf before or ever since cared,supported me,was there for me like them-like i got kicked of my place they were there to pick me up at 3am and i stayed with them for free-they fed,clothed me,got me a job and was helpin me with going back to college.they say u know who you true friends are in your time of greatest need-when i really needed anything none of my friends or even family were there to help-sure they may listen or sympathize with me over the phone if i had a problem but that is very different to physically helping me fix the problem yet i foolishly listen to them and lost out on the best thing and people i probably ever had in my life.if i knew all those years ago what i do now believe me i would put two fingers up to soceity and do what i felt was right for me! do they care,support,respect you,are there for u if u need anything day or night-that waht u need to ask only YOU and that what matters.if they dont do any of those things and only call you for sex then forget them-dont be nobody's sex toy kiddo-just move on! life too short just be happy! F.T. San Diego
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2007): I went to college in a diff state & left my high school sweartheart home. 4 years later I returned & he had married. Still had feelings for him & he for me. Long story short 3 of us end up getting together. The wife always did her best to be kind to me but I couldnt help resent her & see her as the enemy & felt like I was always competing.Felt she had the upper hand as she "had" him & I didnt.I didn’t want to have to share him & questioned if she truly love him why let me be around? I had all this time alone with all these thoughts & feelings, wondering what they are doing together, feeling more resentful, insecure & jealous,listening to friends & family tell me how wrong it is & talk me out of it,but if you have a medical issue you wont ask advise from a carsalesman! So how could these people give advise when don’t
understand a thing of 3way & my love for him & situation with her-I think it annoyed more that I had such resentment for her yet she always turned the other cheek & was always so nice.Looking back now I dont know how she put up with me with how I treated her. So listening to my insecurities, silly friends etc I wanted to split up then she suggested me moving in so that I may feel more "equal".I did & things improved ALOT! My jealousies, paranoia, insecurities etc started to go. I stop feeling she was better or that he loved her more etc,I eventually fell in love with her too as I finally was able to see her for the sweet,beautiful,kind,caring woman she was.Anyway if u don’t live with them,thats normally contribute to those feelings etc-most people in 3way say the same & when they move in things change.Maybe give it a try if you don’t already live together. Nothing in life is worst than regret-I know I’d regret if I did listen to my insecurities & silly friends & miss out on the best relationship I ever had. Living together now we are all so happy. Once you make the right effort & commitment 3way can be amazing & even better than normal relationships! And yes I am in the best position to give advise than all these people who know nothing about it yet quick to tell you its wrong & judge.Hope it works out for you hon! x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2007): I am in the same except the wife was my girlfriend first. And no I am not immature, mislead or anything like that! In fact I could not be happier-I have twice the support and two people that have always been there for me in any situation life threw me-more than my own relatives-and believe me I have had alot of troubles all of which they were there for. They always cared for me and supported me. We have honesty, trust, respect, commitment and love. At first things were a bit difficult. jealousies, insecurities, etc Mostly I missed them if I couldnt see them daily. But when we moved in together things improved a great deal. We have been living together for about nearly 5 yrs now.I love them both so much and they love/care for me like no one else.Nothing makes me happier after a long hard day at work coming home to my girlfriend's home cooking and us all sitting round the dinner table eating and talking bout our day. Summertime, holidays abroad and weekends are the best! Couldn't be happier and I have every faith our relationship is going to last till one of us dies! I have had woman/man and woman/woman relationship and for me 3 way relationship is defo the best! Hope it works out for you! Ya,it can be tricky at the start but if you are commmited once it works the benefits are plentiful - BELIEVE me! Good luck with everything!
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reader, starchild +, writes (27 June 2007):
my dear sorry i have not log in here for a while so i only read ur folowup post today.i thaught u would reply to my last message i send u but u didnt?ok good to hear u feel better.email me and let me know what happen after our last chat as i had often wondered but i never heard back from you.love and light
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female
reader, lisarocksyoursocksoff +, writes (26 June 2007):
 people have got so caught up with bickering over their own point of views here.. that they've forgotten about the real issue... which is that this girl is asking for advice
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A
female
reader, heyheyhey +, writes (26 June 2007):
 I posted a comment here a while ago but seems it never got approved. Anyway it said firstly that I think people should stop the name calling and bickering on here. We need a bit more respect for each other - if some people choose to live their lives differently to how we may live ours it is their right to do so.
Anyway I private messaged you a while ago but doesnt seem like you have read it. Reply whenever you can. I hope things work out however you want. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2007): You said you can't stand her, resent her and she angers you. Those are very harsh comments to make of about someone you are in a relationship with and I am surprised she has stayed for all those months (please don't misunderstand,dont mean that in a bad way-you cant help if you dont like someone! lol) Women are amazing creatures, we always know our instincts so I am sure she know you have all these negative feelings for her. Ask yourself-would you stay in a relationship with someone that said all those things ie they didn't like you, can't stand you, resent you etc? I dont know her but she let you into her life, agreed to share her husband with you then knowing you have these bad feelings towards her must be a hard pill to swallow. What I know of these sort of relationship-they can definately work! but only if there is love. It is cheesy but true-love conquers all: negative feelings, jealousy, resentment, anger etc. This will simply not work by loving him so much then hating her just as much. The relationship sounds very one sided. Someone below who was in this situation said he has 2 lovers, 2 soulmates and equal love. I think that is how it need to be for it to work-there needs to be love all around and love for them both.I don't think it is fair on her if she is bi to have a gf that hates her like that and isnt fair on you if you are straight and being forced to have a girlfriend.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2007): From couples I know who have a 3rd,some start off from the man cheating,then somehow the mistress get introduced-which if that was ur case u can understand any bad feelings she has if her man was running about, sleeping with u & lying to her.That's hard to forgive!
Or most times, this sort of FFM relationship comes because the woman is bi & need a female partner.Which let's face it-the man already has a woman so the need isnt his for another-the need was mainly hers.So if u got involved due to her needs,her needs arent being fulfilled-u say u love the man & dislike her,perhaps u give him doe eyes all the time & other stuff that's really obvious-while she doesnt get the attention or affection she originally wanted from a female partner & she has to grin & bear watching him get it all instead? She might even feel left out or ignored.
When we were kids,my sis nagged my parents for a cat for years, they finally got her one. I didn't like cats nor wanted one. But the cat took a liking to me-followed me everywhere,slept with me etc. No matter what my sister did to try to make it like her, nothing worked. In the end it became my cat & it upset my sis alot & caused alot of resentment which is understandable.
As a bi girl, if I had a 3 way ideally I would like it to be equal-but if it is way unbalanced & she loved my man & didnt dig me much personally i couldnt deal with that if the whole reason we started dating was because of my bisexuality? I need a girlfriend who would be able to give me the love, attention & affection I crave as a bi woman than a woman who i felt just tolerated me because she is in love with my man. Maybe that how she feel too. If that is the case she may try to find another woman that could give her those things she may not get from u.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2007): Ask him to choose-tell him if he wants to be with you to leave this woman. She sounds evil wench from everything you say so you two are probably better off without her. I think speak to him about it and discuss having a relationship with just both of you. Sound like you and him want to be with each other so maybe she realise this and know she is in the way so its why she is a nuisance all the time. You already do not like her and maybe the way she is he doesnt like her much anyway. Maybe he was looking for a way out of her claws and it coincided with when he met you. So speak to him about his feelings first then go from there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2007): If people are not familiar with something or if it is out of the ordinary they will be quick to judge. I knew a guy who had issues with his sexuality. He felt shy to speak for fear of being judged and those he spoke to didn't always understand what he was going through so their advise may not have been the best. Then he got in touch with people who were going through same as him-which helped loads. Most people on here won't understand so may be quick to judge you or give you one sided opinions without tryin to keep an open mind to you individually. So maybe you need to speak with others in 3way relationships. Personally I know nothing about it so I checked the site for othere like you. The following post is from a man who was in a relationship for 18 years then there came a 3rd person and the 3 have now been together for 4 yrs. Here is what he said - I hope this helps you and also those who dont understand how it works.
"Complicated. But it gets easier over time. Nothing prepares you for it, it just happens. We are very happy, but there is also the matter of distance between us. Early on, emotions, jealousy were really destructive, honesty was important. Trust was the most important issue and it was hard working at it. I have 2 lovers, 2 soul mates and get double of everything! My first partner of 18 years, we had issue over it and fought hard not to fall for this person, but over time you cant deny your feelings. We were very strong and secure and let this person share our life. He in returns has equal love and respect completely and the balance is just right, but its been hard working getting here. I suppose my first relationship required a lot of hard work and effort for it to last 18 yrs, so we both realise that more hard work is needed to see our new addition works well with us both. God we have had ups and downs and jealousy has nearly destroyed us, but when sorted, the rewards are double. Hope this gives you a little insight"
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female
reader, lisarocksyoursocksoff +, writes (13 June 2007):
hun, i don't understand your situation.. neither does anyone in the world... because it is individual to you. people can relate and have very similiar circumstances...
i can understand, that no matter how you got involved in this situation, it has teh potential to be very emotionally distressing, i know that i wouldn't be able to handle it.
this isn't a 'dig' at anyone here, just my own opinion and what has been said. no it may not be considered the most normal thing, but normalty should be your own opinion, not what society dictates... because again what is normal now wasn't necessarily normal twenty years ago.... and vice versa DOES NOT mean either or bad or immoral.
besides that, you did go into this relationship aware of teh circumstances, so if it doesn't work out in your favour, you have to be willing to accept that.
are you clear about how the man feels towards you? are you expecting him to leave her for you? you have to remember they are married, a bigger commitment then they have made to you. and if the wife is feeling jealous, then that is bound to happen; if she involved you in the r/ship thinkng to have fun, and now it's obvious you have strong feelings for the husband(which i'm quite sure will be obvious)
if you feel you can't handle it, and (if it's what you want) they don't seperate, then i suggest you cut your losses.
to be able to relate to this, if i view this as a relationship of two, then in any relationship.. if it's not working.. you end it, don't you? therefore this r/ship isn't working, so what do you do? weigh up th epros and cons maybe....?
afterall you are only 19, maybe you may have gone into this relationship naive, not realising how you would feel, which is fair enough...
and maybe you've realised that you need to be with someone who will give you their full attention... if that's the case... you've learnt abit about yourself....
and i'm sure you'll have no problem finding someone else...
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A
male
reader, wildturkey  +, writes (13 June 2007):
 2 females 1 male and there is jellousy are you kidding? Tough sittuation have work. i personaly dont know of anyone that could cope with that situation. If your feeling jellous i suggest you cant cope with it aswell. Leave and find a new person maybe a open relationship would work easier if u find the right person.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): To the anonymous posters:
If you are going to rant and call someone else close minded and ignorant, then have the courage to post with your identity to the people you are chastizing.
In my opinion it is you that are close minded and ignorant...you haven't the first clue as to what a loving relationship is all about....in your instance, first you say being bi doesn't mean you can't make up your mind and chose a sex to be with, but at the end of your rant you say why do you have to chose, so you are contradicting yourself....and the main goal of your 3 way love affair seems to me to be a financial one, you can't afford a nice house on two incomes.....Your logic is a bit out there from your musings about what it is to be in a three way affair....it does not sound to me to be ideal at all, and one person is bound to get hurt when it is all said and done, because someone always will be the third wheel when two of you are wanting to be closer.
The other woman who said she and her boyfriend had a girlfriend and that the only reason she is not in their lives is because she had to go back to Germany is most likely telling you a one sided tale....the woman if she had been blissfully happy in her 3-way relationship, would have never left it for any reason, and the two that are the original couple remain, which to me implies that they were always the stronger unit, using and taking advantage of the girl who was a nice diversion from the monotony of a boring relationship.....You can rant all you want, you can say how great it is, but consider the source and from which part of the three way you are getting the viewpoint from.
I may be close minded and ignorant, but I am also very intelligent and am educated and am old with lots of life experience, and I can tell you for a fact that this is not how life should be spent, this is not healthy for you and the bottom line is it is not what this society supports, and is considered immoral, amoral, and does not support the idea of family which is the bedrock of any society and it's foundation for lasting beyond a decade of self indulgence (the Roman empire fell due to self indulgence, gluttony, and an immoral society)....The ranter brings up gay marriage, and gay lesbian relationships, which does not have anything to do with a three way affair, even most gays want a loving relationship with one partner.......I am sorry but the ranter not only sounds off center, she sounds ignorant as well, just my opinion from a close minded old fart with a degree in psychology.....Her whole point of view about her three way relationship is what is in it for her, more support, more money, more sex, more indulgences to her selfish wants)....many people confuse wants with needs....she does not need a third person to feel happy, if she wants one because of all of the stuff it provides her that is another....From what I believe about love and being in love it does not have to do with what is in it for you, but what is in it for the other person whom you love, your focus is directed on their every happiness and the good feelings that you get out of a reciprocal loving bond with one person...it is not the same thing as a mother dividing her love among her children....she does not have an intimate sexual bond with her kids, she is entrusted with their very survival and care and it is her job to raise adults, not kids.....Loving two adults is a choice that you make to be one who settles for less of a relationship for the stuff it provides you monetarily or for security of having a roof over your head or for the sex you get with a threesome, it is not your job to raise these people as it is with your kids, so it is not remotely the same thing.....that logic is stupid and short sighted and linear....
All, I can say is you seem way too young to be mixed up with this couple who in my opinion are taking advantage of your youth.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): I know nothing about these relationships but I will try to keep an open mind. It's obvious you really like him but really dislike her. The people on here who had experience with this all seem to think it can work if everyone is on the same wave. But it wont work if you carry on hating her as I would imagine one of the waves you gotta be on is liking them both and not just him. Maybe there are these problems because of that hatred you feel for her. Personally I could never imagine being in a relationship with someone I hate and whether you realise it or not you are in the relationship with her as well. I suggest speaking to both of them and expressing your feelings.Maybe question what exactly make you hate her that much -don't know what kind of person she is but if she really is as bad as you describe and you can't resolve your hatred and resentment for her, then it will never work.Don't know if that helps but best wishes.
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female
reader, yasmin_x +, writes (13 June 2007):
yasmin_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi people! Thank you very much for all your advice, It really does help my situation. Anyway cut a long story short, I am going to try this one more time, maybe you are right, maybe I disliked her because of my jealousies. I have apologised to her incase I upset her. But another part of me feels like she wont let me live it down. I do like her, and care for her but some times little things bother me. It is not in my character to just agree with someone about something I dont agree with for the sake of a quiet life (like him) so i'm finding it a little hard to change that. I am working with myself to try and get to the bottom of my resentment. I am not sure how to go about that but i'm going to try. If it doesn't work out, then , I will just have to suffer alone, again. I am taking a big risk here, because if this ends, it will not neraly effect her as it will do me. Please keep on responding, your advice is priceless. xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): i was portray as the evil wife too-dont judge til u know all sides.my friend lost her job&got evicted.she stay wit me&my hubby for free-fed,clothe her,wash&iron for her-not rich but buy her thngs when we could-try to help get her life back-even got her a job wit me.i was there&did more than even her own family.we became a 3 way relashionship.she never aprreciate me or things i did, was spiteful&had bad temper-one dy she lost it so bad got scared she may hit me. coudnt take no more&ask her to leave.she told everyone lies&that i was bad&evil to her. was so deppresed lost nearly 20 lbs&had to take sick leave. lucky she moved away. 3wks ago got a call at 1am-as usual-she phone me when in trouble or need something as im the only one to help.i drove all teh way to florida to get her.she now live nearby&calls sayin sorry&want another chance.no one know the pain of someone bein so hurtful&ungrateful after all i did to help her.she say she can change&want anger managment.part of me want to try again&part of me cant put myself trugh those emotion again.im still so upset even though it been near 5 mths.im so confused dont know what to do.i think everyone right that u need to find the right 3 people becoz i think it can work if everyone on the same mind frame.dont should judge anyone til u know the full story.maybe his wife want thing to work or woulda end it long ago.is the wife really as bad as u say?u say u resent her & u jealous so mayb that what make u dislike her.maybe she know u dislike her after she let u in her life like that so shes hurt,try to see her side&how she feel.nobody stood up for me when she put me down so good if i can do it for someone else. just wanted to show another side.if anyone has any advise for me also please reply.thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): i was in a simlar situation & got unfairly portray as the evil big bad wife too so dont judge till u know all sides.my friend lost her job & got evicted.i let her stay with me & my husband for free-fed,clothe her,washed & ironed for her-we not rich but buy her thngs when we could-try to help get her life back-even got her a job wit me.i was there if she need anything & did more for her than even her own family.we became a 3 way relashionship in the end. but she never aprreciate me or things i did for her, was spiteful & had a nasty temper-one day she lost it so bad i got scared she would hit me.i coudnt take no more & ask her to leave.she told our friends & people at work lies & that i was bad & evil to her.i was so deppresed lost nearly 20lbs & had to take sick leave from work.but lucky she moved away til 3wks ago got a call at 1am-as usual-she phone me when she in trouble or need something as she know i be the only one to help.i drove all teh way to florida to pick her up.she now living 10 miles from me & calls sayin she sorry & want another chance.this my first time with a woman & realize now im atracted to them but no one know the pain of having someone be so hurtful & ungrateful esp after everything i did to help her.she say she can change & will have anger managment but i dont know.part of me want to try again but part of me cant put myself trugh those emotion again.im still so upset even though it been near 5 mths.im so confused dont know what to do.but i think everyone right that u need to find the right 3 people for this kind of relashionship becoz i think it can work but everyone need to be on the same mind frame.but i dont think u all should judge anyone til u know the full story.his wife put up with this for so long-so maybe she want things to work or she woulda end it long ago.maybe u should qustion urself if this wife really as bad as u say,u say u resent her & feel jealous so mayb that what make u dislike her.maybe she know how much u dislike her so she react to that.she open her life to u-were u nice to her?u should try to put urself in her shoes to understand how she may feel.nobody stood up for me when this woman was putting me down so if i can do it for someone else then that good.my advise prob didnt help u but just wanted to point out another side to this & share my experience.if anyone has any advise for my situation also please reply.i might post a seperate question for advise on this.ok thanks.
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A
female
reader, heyheyhey +, writes (12 June 2007):
I know of someone in a similar situation but it’s a slightly different angle.My friend’s father was married but his wife couldn’t have children.His father end up having an affair and the woman got pregnant. Instead they all decided to live together to bring this child up (my friend) as they both wanted this child for a very long time and the 2nd woman was ok with the situation. My friend is now in his 20’s graduated with a degree in history and economics, and just started a really good job. He is one of the nicest most “normal” guys ever! While most of our friends parents went on to get divorced etc-its interesting that his 3 parents stayed together some 20 odd years later. He says that he would not change a thing and is certain he had more love and stability than any other children-says he had the greatest childhood and parents ever. An interesting point he says is that it is more confusing for a child whose parents split then they have a stepmum and a stepdad they see once every weekend -which lets face it-happens in most relationship these days!. For centuries this sort of relationships were common-romans,greeks,Egyptians,Indians etc-Only modern people have seem to become ignorant and small minded-but times are evolving-gay marriages are now legal in lots of places and I know of even 3 way marriages that take place in Europe too! I say if you are happy,loved,cared for,supported and respected in a relationship-thats all that matters.So if you really want to have a 3 way relationship forget everyone else-you need to do what makes you happy! Hope things work out for you! Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): OK now my rant is over! This bit is for you honnie-Were you attracted to girls before you met this man or did he bully you into pretending to be bisexual? If that is what he did then that's really twisted! From the way you describe her, his wife doesnt sound like a good person-has she ever even done one nice thing for you? Maybe not! Let me tell you-my girlfriend love me and does so much for me.She is always there for me whenever I need her or when I have a problem she is straight away there to help me.She is my best friend-she cooks me romantic meals, buys me nice stuff when she can afford, runs me a bath after a long day at work, surprises me with stuff, take me nice places, drops me and pick me up from work-too many to list. Also she would NEVER be jealous of me-but proud of me when out with me she holds my hand,hugs,kisses me etc and always try to do little things she knows would make me happy.That's what a girlfriend should be! From how you describe her, his wife sounds like the opposite of all of that and like a real evil nasty cow-you are younger,maybe prettier than her-at 27 maybe she puttin weight on,loosing her figure,dont get as much attention from men,maybe her hubby dont find her attractive anymore, with her kind of character i bet she prob dont have friends and people dont like her-while you prob go out and are young,friendly,get along with everyone-maybe that why she is so jealous of you! Whatever you decide to do good luck.But forget all these narrow minded ignorant people on here when they aint got a clue about jack-of course 3 way relationship can work-but it just need to be with the right people and all 3 of you have to have that understanding with each other. ITs for you to decide if they are the right people to have this kind of relationship. Maybe Im wrong as I dont know the situation fully but from the way you describe them, they both sound evil (esp her!)-ask yourself if they ever did one single good or nice thing for you (maybe not!) You need to be with pople who will support you,care for you and be there when you need someone-up to you to figure out if they could ever be that.But I agree with the poster before who said that all three of you need to sit down and talk things out at this stage and discuss what you all want to do from here. But to me 3way relationship is definately best and it is the only kind of relationship I would want in the future.Good luck! Kathy, London x
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): Firstly-here is my RANT!Right-for all you ignorant narrow minded people.Don't dare be judging people who are bisexual unless you have a clue how it FEELS to be bi or really understand! As a bi woman I struggled all my life with it-cant tell you how many times i wanted to be just straight or just lesbian but its very hard let me tell you! Im fed up of people who say bisexuals are greedy and just wont pick one.But you can't choose your sexuality OK! I have tried to choose just one-have a relationship with just a man or a just a woman but I always find myself having that need for the other (and NO it is not about a sex thing OK!) In the end I decided to have a boyfriend and a girlfriend. That was even so difficult having to divide myself etc-one may be jealous if I choice to spend the weekend with the other instead and stuff like that and in the end i felt i wasnt spending enough time with either of them. So decided to see if we can all combine it the 3 of us and work things out like that. Honestly it was hard in the first year and a half - many arguments,jealousies, whatever but heck ALL relationships whether just man/woman expereice those things in the beginning! But nearly 4 years on and the 3 of us live together now and could not be happier. Sure we still have little arguments or disagreements but heck doesnt everyone? Show me a couple who never argues or disagrees? Of course it is possible to love two people at once-if it wasnt how could a mother divide her love between her two children? or a brother between his two sisters? some people have two best friends? SO yes you can love a man and woman at once-you will find these two people offer totally different things into the relationship and if anything you get twice as much support when you need it and 3 incomes has much benefits-we are now looking at buying our own place together- it is even better as we can afford a bigger/better place than if it was just 2 people! All of our close friends know the truth-but for narrow minde people who is that brainwash into the rule of man/woman relationshp-well i couldnt care less-and for those who talk about coming to the point of when you will have to choice just ONE of them - well newsflash:what if you dont HAVE to choice one? If things are working and all 3 are happy together then who are you to judge??How dare anyone say it's sick or whatever?You all who pretend to have one partner then go lie to them and cheat behind their back-now THAT's sick! Kathy, London x
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): My boyfriend and I got involved with student friend at Uni. Frst it started like a few drunken sexual encounters but then it turned into a 3 type relationship. We were together for about 2 and a half years and lived together before she returned to Germany (where she is from) and if she didnt have to go back we would most probably still be together. I never got jealous as I knew neither of them would cheat on me either with a man or woman and when things became serious we agreed to only have sex if the 3 of us was there-believe me when 3 people live in a small one bed student flat you know if someone is having sex! Also I saw her more as a best friend than as competition-we would go shopping,then get dressed up together do each other hair,nails,make up, go out partying and dancing-sometimes he would even chaffeur us for the night! It was a loving, caring relationship for us all and we were all happy. My boyfriend and I are still together and don't regret anything -it has alot of good points providing you all want and feel the same and if we ever meet another similar minded girl we would definately consider this kind of relationship again.But from my experience it can definately work if you all want it to work. You 3 been together for a bit under a year so make me think that it hasnt just been a sex thing or it would have fizzled out in the first months. You 3 need to sit down and discuss things properly.Let them know you feel and tell her what she does to upset you. Maybe try to see if you can be friends with her as she may be feeling exactly the same as you. In all relationships (esp this kind) you need to have good communication with each other and talk about problems and feelings-habouring it alone in your head is the worst thing you can do. Maybe invite them out to dinner all 3 of you and get things out in the open-how everyone feels,their thoughts,what everyone want from this etc.Then after everyone voices their feelings & opinions see what you all want to do-ie if you all want things to work and discuss what you can do to resolve these problems or if to go seperate ways. But I feel that's what you need to do now. Anyway I feel the best person to give advise on a situation is someone who has actually been in that situation than people who might pretend to understand what you are going through so I wanted to tell you my thoughts as I seem the only one on here who had experience in this kind of relationship so I can probably relate more than everyone else here. Anyway hope that helps!
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reader, starchild +, writes (8 June 2007):
my dear I am going to send you a private message about this-please check your private mailbox on here and reply if u can.love and light
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reader, yasmin_x +, writes (7 June 2007):
yasmin_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys so much for your answers. It really does help me alot. Well I have told him I am so unhappy, I know he really does care about me but I am telling you, I cannot take anymore. I have been crying all morning and only wonder who is to blame....myself. I am hurting so much right now and do not understand why I am the one left on the curb by myself. Trouble is, I never had anyone to talk to, when they had eachother, and because I never would be extra enough to always offload my problems and feelings onto him (he works very very hard) she wouldnt mind, thus getting all attention. I feel really broken and the pain is unreal. 8 months wasted. I havent got anywhere. I realise the situation has slowly made me lose my security and confidence, not to mention brought out the jealousy in me, which should have never ever come to surface.Please send anymore advice you have, as I feel only you know my problem, and I feel as if you are the only people who understand, and the closest thing I have to friends right now, how sad am I. :(xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2007): When I first read your posting I thought this was a situation known as polyamory. Although it's not a lifestyle I agree with...it works for some people. But polyamory is multiple partnering in a caring, respectful way. The basis of ployamory relationships is love, stability, compatibility, peace and personal and relationship honesty with all people involved. Doesn't sound like you have that, here. At least not on the part of the wife, it isn't. It seems to be just a situation where you and her husband are having some fun, while she looks on and resents it deeply. All I can say, this couple made a huge mistakea nd played with thier marriage. They decided to open their relationship to include others for sexual and perhaps, emotional reasons. A couple that does this must be highly secure in the strength of their partnership bond. They never waver from that. This wife is not secure and she's feeling unsafe. You state you regard her as competition. Well..let me say, she is the wife. If anything, this woman regards 'you' as competition, dear and you are no longer wanted by her, smack in the middle of this marriage. Your relationship with this couple has now become a war-zone with two sparring women fighting for the attentions and love of one man. She likely has had a change of mind and attitudes about opening her marriage and letting her husband, have the attentions of other women. Perhaps, she is feeling deeply undervalued and sees that her marriage may soon be dissolved, if this situation isn't stopped. For some reason she feels threatened. If this is the type of lifestyle you choose to remain in, then it's time for you and her husband to sit with her and get feelings, thoughts, complaints and differences, out on the table. If you are only in this, to 'take' her husband for yourself and the wife bails out...you could be 'in her shoes', in your future when he brings a new, young honey into your relationship with him. Or on the other hand, he may come to realize he has legally, so much more financially and to lose, if he divorces her. So watch out, you risk hurt and deep pain as you may be the more expendable, replaceable one. Just something to think about. If I were you, I would think about leaving all this behind you, and look towards finding another caring, nuturing , giving monogamous relationship with a man, who loves 'only' you. And I am sure if you really think about it, you do deserve that type of love, don't you? Good luck, hun and look out for yourself, here.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2007): Not many people are going to understand your situation....You are the victim of abuse by this demented couple, he is 30 and you are a mere 19, how did you ever let this happen to become tangled up sexually with this couple....no wonder you are unhappy and under stress.
You are not in love with this man, love is not supposed to hurt like this, it is not supposed to be shared with his wife, it is not about a threesome, it is about two adults making the conscious decision to love each other, to commit to making the other first priority, not about left over sloppy seconds and crumbs.
Get out now and get into some therapy for your own sake, I can't imagine what has happened to you in your past to lead you down this path, how gross for you.
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reader, DV1  +, writes (6 June 2007):
 I think that you should be in a relationship of your own. You're always going to be third wheel. It's an incredibly strange situation. I would get out of it.
DV1
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reader, Prik  +, writes (6 June 2007):
 So this is some kind of bigamy, right? This is exactly the reason why monogamy is the standard in our society. Having a relationship with two women is not really ideal, and in this case, it's a catfight for attention. As i understand your story the 27 year old woman is teasing you and makes your life nearly unliveable.
Step out of it. Try to figure out what is happening here. There's 2 women in love with the same guy. "She was first" is not applicable in the world of love! The man who you love must choose between the girl who he loves most. He must figure that out in order to make a decision.
If he never makes that decision you must step out this triangular relationship as soon as possible, or it WILL kill you eventually (mentally of course)!
One thing: do you have any sexual relationship with that woman? Sorry for asking, but it makes things much more complicated if it's the case.
Good luck
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