A
male
age
41-50,
*illyRayValentine
writes:Women, Alcohol, and Sex Question. Thank you in advance for your responses.My wife has had sex with 60 men or so since before meeting me. Most of these were with guys she met out at a bar went home had sex or maybe actually set up on a date or two, but had sex on the 1st date. 90% of these men never lasted more than a date or two. She even heard back through some friends at times that told her the reason why he did not call you again was because you slept with him the first night you went out with him.She only had 2 or 3 relationships that lasted 7 months, 6months, and 4 years between 18years and 30 years of age when she met me.My question is all the guys she randomly hooked up with she was drinking alcohol (not just one or two drinks).I have hooked up with girls in the past after drinking alot, And yes If I was sober I would have had sex with the one night stand, I liked them, was attracted to them thats why I slept with them.My wife however says she remembers the next day in the moment sometimes wanting to have sex, and sometimes not, but just went along with it anyway. However she says she would not have slept with a quarter of the guys she did if she was sober. I guess meaning the next day she had no intentions of sleeping with them again. I guess I don't get blaming the alcohol on sleeping with dozens of people? Not just my wife, but I have heard this from other women over the years.It seems women blame the alcohol on random hook-ups, but men don't seem to do this? Maybe they do but I never heard from a guy, hey I got really drunk last night and dang it I slept with this cute girl?Just curious what others thoughts are on this?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2012): Nobody likes taking responsibility for their questionable actions.
That is really all there is to it. Don't overthink the whole thing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2012): In so far as there is some validity to the idea that women are more likely to find alcohol leading them into encounters they wouldn't participate in sober, it may be because their lesser body weight means they will be at least twice as affected as men would by the same amount of alcohol, and therefore a good deal more likely to end up in the totally out-of-control 'god I'm really drunk, wow you look great' stage. This is why the 'safe drinking limits' recommended to women are a good deal lower than they are for men.
Also, given the continuing double-standard in terms of how people perceive casual sex (a guy who goes out, looks for it and gets it is a stud: a girl who does likewise is a slut) it may be that binge-drinking provides an excuse or at least a context in which girls won't be judged quite so harshly for simply doing what nature tells them to do from time to time. But in reality, the 'wild side' wasn't just magically put there by the alcohol, it was allowed out.
Cheers! (clinks wine glass)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 June 2012):
 No, but you must have heard from a guy : hey I got really drunk last night and dang it I have slept with this total dog, now I am going to have to dodge her calls, bummer.
Come on, OP- I commend you for having an aesthetic sense that remains unperturbed by alcohol, but, you'll be familiar with the expression " beer goggles " ? It was not invented specifically for women and it's in fact seldom applied , or appliable, to their hook ups .
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (5 June 2012):
 I agree with Ciar 100%. I also agree that I don't think she was blaming the alcohol so much as stating a fact, that she would not have done that if she had been sober.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (5 June 2012):
 First of all, it doesn't sound, to me, as though your wife is BLAMING alcohol so much as she was acknowledging that if SHE hadn't been drinking she wouldn't have slept with as many men.
To answer your question though, as it may apply to others, it's probably for the same reason many women under report or undermine their sexual experiences. Because they are not confident enough about sex and their right to enjoy it on their own terms. Many still think of it as something they owe men.
Women are under ENORMOUS pressure to have sex, whether they're in the mood or not, to engage in acts they don't like or that carry considerable risks. And when they do, their pasts are put under a microscope, scrutinized, analyzed (as you're doing now) and often judged very harshly. And most of these women have had a fraction of the sexual partners your wife has had.
I have to head out now, but I may add to this later...
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 June 2012):
 I think alcohol was part of the encounters, not the reason for them. I think she had all those encounters because she wanted to. And I would say the same thing about the men who had sex with her.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (5 June 2012):
I don’t think your wife is blaming alcohol, she is simply saying that, were she sober and fully aware of her surroundings and in full control, she would not have had sex with these men. Perhaps she says this because, when she is sober, she realises that they are not attractive to her. Both men and women have sexual encounters whilst drunk that they later regret. Whilst it might be true that they behaved differently because they were drunk, they have to take responsibility for drinking too much. I think that both men and women, when they can’t understand why they made the choices that they made whilst drunk (I.E having sex with a girl/guy that they don’t find attractive), they tend to say that their judgement was impaired by the alcohol. That might be their reason, but it’s not an excuse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2012): Yes it's true...not a blanket for all women, but for a lot of them, that's for sure...it's a crutch, it loosen's the inhibitions and sadly, it's a poor excuse, but it's usually the typical one...seems to be more acceptable or easier to digest than, when I go out I meet guys, and hook up with them that night or sleep with them on a first date...because a women who does this is typically labeled as loose, a slut, wild, no value for themselves, etc. but men can do this without anyone even flinching and is why they don't really "need" to find an excuse for poor and careless behavior. I think women want to be able to have hook ups too but it will always be hard to shake that label or made to feel that way... (well, your wife was a bit accessive, hope she's over it now). Some girls continue the behavior and just can't seem to figure out why they can't find quality guys, a man with substance...because they have sex with them after a first date or pretty close after...they just can't seem to make the connection...
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