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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My ex dumped me four months ago. He was my first and it was a serious relationship for both of us. We had no contact for 3 months until last month he called and said he missed me and needed me. I told him to move on because it was a bad breakup and he hurt me too much and I know we would just go back and forth if we're back together again. Our problems have never solved. He kept calling for a week then he stopped. I've been thinking about him since then. Honestly, I think about him every day. I miss him so much. I wrote him an email last week telling him I wish I could take back our relationship to save our friendship. He said when I'm ready, he will come back. I know he has moved on since he never called or wrote to me or asked how I have been. I was doing ok the first few months he broke up with me, but now I just can't stop thinking about him. I try to tell myself to let go because we will never ever get back together, but it seems more difficult for me these days. I still love him. I want to tell him every time I miss him like crazy, but then I have to stop myself from calling or writing to him due to my pride. He's still there in my heart and never leaves. What would you guys do if you're in the situation like me? I've tried to move on and now I'm like I'm going back to stage one.
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (26 September 2013):
 Ahh, under those circumstances I definitely change my opinion on reconciliation. If he's got a record of cheating, he's not worth the forgiveness again and again.
No wonder you were "controlling and clingy." He made you insecure.
As much as it hurts, you're doing the right thing. Can you block his calls and emails? Not seeing anything from him may make it so much easier to get over him. Out of sight, out of mind. And as you said, hearing from him set you back. Try to avoid that at all costs. You've just got to get your head in the right mindset. The mindset of it's over and there's no going back. And after a while, you'll start to be okay. Just don't allow yourself to see or hear anything from him. good luck!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2013): This is from OP.
To answer llifton's question, we were in LDR. The reason we broke up is mainly about trust. He has records of cheating, kissing or being touchy with girls and everytime I would forgive him. I've given him like 4 or 5 chances. I know I spoiled him. We were constantly fighting before we broke up. I initiated it, but he didn't say a single word. We then went no contact for 1 month until I asked why he wouldn't give me a closure. He told me I was controlling and clingy and wanted me to move on. It hurt so much when I heard him tell me to move on. I was heartbroken and accepted the fact. I've been trying to move on since then, but last month his call pushed me back to stage 1, I just don't know what to do.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 September 2013):
 When you said he hurt you too much, that means no going back. You have to stay strong. You missed the good times you've had, but in reality he's not good boyfriend material. Keep on remembering his bad qualities. It seems your mind is hell bent on not going back to him, but your heart is saying something else. I still think you should follow your mind. A man who seriously love you would not break up like that and be silent for 3 months, then call you out of the blue. I am afraid it is rebound sex. He has not convinced you he had changed. Any man can say the trigger words to gain sympathy from you, and get touchy feely again.
Because I've had experience of being messed around, what I would do in this situation is to not contact him and not pick up the phone, and be patient about moving on. An on and off relationship is ugly when it's dragged on, and you feel stupider and lose trust in yourself each time.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (25 September 2013):
You say you know he's moved on. But you mentioned that he tried calling and telling you he needs you. And persisted calling for a week after you told him to move on. It doesn't sound like either of you is over the relationship, to be honest.
You don't mention how the relationship ended, but if you both still love each other and think about each other as much as it sounds like, then why not try one last time? Maybe you could go to counseling together and work on your issues so they don't continue over again.
Don't let pride get in the way of telling him how you feel. Maybe he's just as miserable without you as you are without him.
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