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Why do I not attract nice men?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 April 2011) 5 Answers - (Newest, 5 April 2011)
A female Ireland age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I'm 33yrs lasy year a guy i normally wouldnt be interested in asked me out he a farmer 40yrs came across shy at first everything was going well except he wanted to keep our relationship secret i was ok with this at first as we have same circle of friends at a club i joined recently.

we broke up last july because his behaviour was rude always working and i was fed up with all the secrecy, but then he kept in touch wanted to stay friends we did got back together for a few weeks all his doing then gone again he said he didnt want to settle down and all that. why did he ask me out in the first place and joked about gettin married and children so cruel i developed strong feelings for him i thought he was a nice guy all our friends thinks he a great guy

we been kissing on and off for the last few months and i just found out he was out with someone at the weekend i feel betrayed as a friend.this guy doesnt respect woman

View related questions: broke up, got back together, kissing, shy

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A female reader, kaiti30 United States +, writes (5 April 2011):

kaiti30 agony auntOh Sweetie, all weomen attract horribale men! its just the matter of if their worth it.. Im currently going through a horrible break up, and all the men ive dated were players, its just something we all go through, my advice, stop dateing for a while, friend some guys so you know how they are and act, and maybe it will turn into osmething more... im sorry i cant help any further! please keep me updated on how it goes!

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A male reader, RamAndJam United States +, writes (4 April 2011):

listen there are many guys out there that are "man whores" they feed off the feelings and emotions of woman to get what they want. Mosst likely this fella was trying to get laid, and he probably had another woman/wife on the side. i have several friends like this and they do not have any respect for woman or their feelings they just want that quick satisfaction. i personally cannot do this. i alays think about the woman and their feeling and dignity. just a word of advice the good men will treat you well and let you know. the others will try to get into your pants and use you. just be yourself and never settle for less and in the end you'll be fine. oh and ditch his ass you dont deserve to be on a chain and out of the loop with him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011):

Hi, it seems like he wants to play the bachelor. He prob does want those things with you (marriage, kids) and prob does hav strong feelings for you, but he seems to be set in his ways and im afraid at that age he's not goin to change.

I know im the same always attract gobshites, I dont know people say go for someone you wouldnt normally be attracted to, that wouldnt be your type like, but how does that work?...

I cant give an easy answer to attracting "nice" guys, if I knew that sure id be in a loving relationship, so if you find out let me know :-)

All the best.

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A male reader, honestman Mexico +, writes (4 April 2011):

That guy doesn't seem to be a good man for you. Just keep away from him.

Having that secrecy it is OK when you are younger, like in your early 20's [me and my girlfriend did that, because we were our first love, and didn't wanted problems at home. But now we are getting little by little more open about our relationship with our families]. But at his age, such secrecy sounds kind of ridiculous... if he lives by himself, I don't see the need for secrecy.

There are many good guys out there, you just need to keep looking for. But don't expect Prince Charming nor Mr Right.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011):

I know men can be deceptive at times. In this case, however, you are not a child therefore I am not sure I understand where your naivete comes from.

Women our age, in our 30's, we have experienced enough to read between the lines, especially when it comes to being fed BS. A guy who wants to keep you a secret OBVIOUSLY is hiding something from you. Most likely another relationship. A guy who keeps you a secret OBVIOUSLY is not in it with you 100%. He is probably just looking for sex on the side. You accepted the terms of this "relationship," the mediocrity that he offered you, to keep you a secret, and now you are mad. What did you expect to come of this? He showed you from the very start he had little respect for you, I mean he wanted to keep you a secret. And you are just now realising it?

Forget this guy and next time you go out with a guy make sure he wants to take you out in public.

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