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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Why do i keep going for the wrong kind of guys?I know I am young, but this trend is starting to worry me.The first serious relationship, he turned out to be violent and broke my nose and slashed my arm with a knife.The second serious relationship, he was doing coke without me knowing and cheated on me with his ex girl friend and then got done for GBH and is now in prison.And the last person I was "involved" with, is married and stuff.Its crazy.Its not like im one of those typical girls that goes for the "bad boy" persona, they all seem genuine and nice until say ten months down the line when they do something awful or i find something out.Im, as of today, now single and Im worried about this trend. What if i meet some amazing guy, who is always amazing to me, we get married then years down the line he turns out to be a wife beater or something?All these bad situations have seriously knocked my trust.I really can't trust men easily any more, which sometimes shuts people out.And the whole thing with the married man has also made me ask questions about myself. It was just sex but it still doesn't justify the fact that he was married.Im only 18 yet all these actions that ive done and things that have happened to me?am i being punished? am i just not meant to have a happy relationship or should i be attracted to different men?Please help meWhy does this happen to me?Will i ever find anyone?What am i doing wrong?:( thank you x
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cheated on me, his ex, in jail, married man, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Anonny  +, writes (9 October 2008):
I seem to have a trend for falling for the wrong men too! - Not violent men - but men who already have girlfriends that I can't have or men who are in prison but have no intention of seeing you upon release!! - Deep down I think its my heart's way of telling me that I don't really want a relationship else I would have fallen for someone worthwhile by now!!
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 Those who have tasted the bitterness first will enjoy the sweetness later.
Maybe you were born for greater things as God is making you stronger by this process .
Life is a series of learning curves.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): Nobody goes around wanting to date abusers & plqayers & bad guys. But if your criteria for a guy just happens to weed the list down to those types, then that is what you'll get whether you think you wanted it this way or not.
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A
female
reader, xlittleredcutiex +, writes (29 May 2008):
I'm unfortunatly not offering advice here but i'm currently sort of going through this sort of cycle where i'm jumping into relationships getting my hopes up,getting too attached to someone new and then having the relationship fail and having the problem of not being able to stay with someone. I'm 18 and would just like to thank
a-g55 as i am going to try doing the whole giving numbers out and seeing who calls and keeping my emotions to myself.
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A
male
reader, a-g55 +, writes (29 May 2008):
 Now this is a very very very big subject and im not going to sit here and tell you to wait for some guy to magically appear and pass that off as advice. So here is some instruction to build your own relationships that last. Alot of girls search for 'Mr. Right' but who is Mr. Right????? When you tell yourself that your going to search for something. your mind automatically assumes something is missing and lost. That’s negative and Sadly every man is Mr right for a while so what you need to do is design Mr Right yourself. Now I expect you probably feel like a relationship break now which gives you time to learn. Now im going to now explain relationship management to you in the form of a metaphor which a lot of my clients have found to be gold dust!.Truth is that its just not a natural phenomena for two humans to have what we call a relationship. So that means its down to management and people skills.Most people don’t possess these skills. They let their emotions drive their decisions and actions straight from the first time they meet a girl. This usually mean people jump straight into relationships within a couple of months of meeting them. You suddenly adopt unwritten rules similar to those that are in marriage. Eg. You must love and cherish for better or for worse. Trouble is because you’ve jumped strait into a relationship you may not be on the same wavelength and one person might feel they have to do certain things and that can end up in one side of the relationship crossing into their personal space. Your used to learning more about people whilst trying to maintain a relationship. Suddenly there are conflicts like the competition. The fact that u like her so much you don’t want to loose her which creates a fear of loosing her which is portrayed in body language and what you say. This can be on either part. Its negative. A relationship can be simplified into a model. There can be more complex relationship models than this but there is no better way to describe a relationship in the metaphor of a house!A house has 3 main components. Foundations, walls and a roof. If we imagine sex being the roof and walls being security then that leaves foundations. What might foundations symbolise? Foundations is the time you have spent getting to know and understand a person and their core values. This can take as little or as much time as you like. It could mean that you still have sex and make physical contact like kissing and holding hands. But you still give each other space and you respect each others freedom. If she does want to go out clubbing with her friends. Yes she might have a one night stand but who cares your both free. Your basically friends with benefits. Now a lot of people do still ask “will you go out with me” and they do have sit down chats where you express that you like each other and you should take it to the next level but that is where it all goes wrong. Your basically building your house upon the sand. The walls shouldn’t be erected! They should be built with blocks upon strong foundations. Until you form a solid structure that is built to last. Here is a thought for you. Lets add the metaphor of central heating in there and we will call it emotions. What you feel for each other and how relaxed you feel about each other and your well being in the relationship and many more. When you have a strong foundations and no walls you feel relaxed and free to act how u like about each other. And everything is positive and the heat can escape but it doesn’t. it naturally stays within your site perimeter. Without the use of walls. If you suddenly throw up a cheap wall to gain a sense of security without any trust being earned then the heat is just going to escape thru them. This is a detailed general analysis of what happens when people are driven by emotion to make the decision u should go serious. Its only when you demolish those ill constructed walls so all the negative condensation can escape. What you will find is the positive heat from the central heating will stay in the perimeter still. that’s why u always find that they admit their true feeling once your separated. And its nothing to do with you personally. Its just because you don’t manage relationships smartly. The bad walls just collapse because the foundations are weak and the wind comes thru and frees all the condensation and cobwebs until your just left with the “ I still love you”Ok now you just need to know how to fish for guys. You just got to go out with your friends in clubs and bars. The reason why a club and a bar is a good place to go is because a lot of assumptions can be made about people in this social environment. There not all guys who are just looking for sex. There are men there for all sorts of reasons and you need to fish for them. Go with two friends out to some nice bars in the city and just wait until some guys approach you and talk to you. And you just have to be aware of what impressions they first give off. Your looking for warm comfortable funny guys who have a bit off confidence. Now they will chat with you and you may give him your number and if you like the first impressions you just say “ call me sometime yeah” simple as that. As month go by you will give out many numbers. Some wont even call, some might text and yes of course some will ring you. Now its all about when they ring you. You want a guy who rings you the soonest after you have got the number. Because he isn’t one of those guys who sit there waiting a week so they can come across as some kind of alpha male. If you have to worry about times to call a girl you are not being natural. What your looking for is the guy who is direct, honest, nothing to hide, doesn’t try too hard to impress ect. Now you could even start sleeping with some guys the night you go out if you want its up to you. But what your basically doing is dating again. But your dating from a point where you can sit back and judge accordingly. Now what you want to aim for is to properly get to know the guys first with loads of little dates spread apart. The thing is that you must be in control you must wear the trousers or the guy will and you will be at his disposal. Now you want him to be at yours. Now you want to play games like truth where u ask questions you want to go nice places and as the dates keep happening you want to keep on meeting him in these ways until his feelings develop and you can see that he does have love for you. Your basically controlling your feelings and pacing him until you can see him taking a shine to you. This could take as long as a year or two in some cases but it’s a year or two of fun isn’t it so there is no rush. So you have a foundation there. If lets say he sleeps with sum1 else in that time….who cares or if you sleep with someone else in that time……who cares. In a serious relationship that would cause an argument. You can slowly build these walls over time to get more security and stableness and because your like friends as well you can communicate so you don’t have conflicts that end in rows. that’s how you do it . Now its up to your personal choice weather you want to swap my ideas of bars and clubs with something like a night class or something. Or maybe you feel uncomfortable with one night stands and you wouldn’t want to sleep with random guys on a night but I don’t know you so I leave those up to you. But the idea is that you build on a friendship for quite some time and you will still kiss and cuddle and have sex like you would in a normal serious relationship but you just wont argue and fall out and he wont loose interest in you because your pacing him. Now if you take a friend you have already. They wouldn’t beat you up ever or they wouldn’t never hurt you. They listen to your problems and you know they are there when you need them. This is because the understand your beliefs, experiences and core values. And because its always kept fun and adventurous with sex and going nice places. The relationship will last a lifetime. Friends are for life. Love comes and goes . Thank you!
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A
female
reader, lushlass93 +, writes (28 May 2008):
 look i know i am alot younger than you but this is what happens to me i find lad he seems nice or he does have a repretation but he is fine with me then it all falls apart and he hurts me or everything goes rong
you just have to look psitive and if it goes rong again you have to move on thats what i am doing i am trying to find a nice guy but also i just hace to stay positive you will find someone that is nice soon and you will be fine dont give up
god luckxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, x..BabyGirl..x +, writes (28 May 2008):
 You'll find someone. Unfortunatly there are people out there who take great people, who want loving relationships for granted. I don't really think there's any way of telling what the person is like when you first start dating, you just end up finding out and then feel like kicking yourself, but make sure they know that trust is earned over time and not given as a 'welcome into the relationship' present. Stand your ground and if you feel that the volcano is about to erupt, get out of there, you will meet a guy who'll want to look after you properly and care for you! Good luck in your search for Mr. Right!!
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