A
male
age
36-40,
*ms
writes:Hi here's my problem -- I feel sick and upset even thinking about the fact that other men have slept with my girlfriend. She is 18 and I am 20.I fell deeply in love with her the day that I met her two years ago, but it took her 5 months to feel the same for me. The day we met, she started confiding in me like a "big sister" and confessed that she was having sex with a mutual friend of ours. Obviously, I was devastated. I told her that I was in love with her a few weeks later, and she responded by saying that she was not ready for a relationship (mostly because we would be long-distance). She stopped confessing her hookups so freely, but I learned that she slept with her ex-boyfriend shortly after this. Those were her only two partners, and that doesn't seem like a big deal compared to some of you with the same problem... She was my first so maybe that's why I'm uptight. Why do I still feel that rejection if we have been happily together and faithful for a year?
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male
reader, duce00 +, writes (2 November 2009):
 I think most guys fall hard with they're first love. Its like dreaming of flying for years then one day you are hurled through the sky trying to get your bearings and struggling not get a little scared when you look down. By the way it is like that even later on but you learn how to get straight and level quicker and really enjoy it.
As for how you perceive your girls past it is something that you just have to get used to. I wouldn't say that if it sounded like she was very sexually indiscriminate. Always steer clear of those types of women. Doesn't sound like it from everything you said. The thing with her ex was a little off but she was not with you and that is what really counts.
If she is loyal, loving, and honest with you then you are in a good situation. Make the most of it by rocking her world as often as possible and really living life together.
DONT WORRY BE HAPPY!
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (1 November 2009):
 I don't know why you feel this way, but I do recommend you get over it. You will lose tomorrow reaching back for yesterday.
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A
male
reader, lionelhutz +, writes (1 November 2009):
Just remember this: you girlfriend wants to be with you, NOBODY else. We all have pasts. But in a relationship you should enjoy the present, not dwell on the past.
I think you are correct, perhaps this is on your mind because she is your first but you are not her first. But you need to put it out of your mind or you are going to miss the great moments that are making up the present.
good luck
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A
female
reader, Blackbird86 +, writes (1 November 2009):
I really understand. I think anytime your partner is significantly more experienced then you, it can be a little off setting. You feel like your are insignificant without rational reason, and I think this is a normal response.
However, don't get overwhelmed by your insecurities. Remember, no matter who she slept with before you, she has been exclusively yours for one year and the relationship is still growing strong. She has been with you for a year, which means in spite of the other guys she had feelings for before you, you got the girl. She has something with you that she didn't have with those other guys, otherwise she wouldn't still be with you. Just think that some of those guys are incredibly jealous of you because you get to really be with her and they only had a brief experience with her.
So, some of your insecurities are natural because your not as experienced as she is. But, if you were this would probably not even be raised as an issue. Just remember she is with you for a reason. You succeeded were the others failed.
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