A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't understand why when i'm at a bar and a guy approaches me he seems nice, funny and pretty respectful at first. But then he'll start getting handsy whilst we're talking, such as putting his hand on my waist or bum and it's like they do it thinking i'm not aware of it!? I don't mind them touching my arm or waist, but when they touch my bum or sliding their hands on my thigh/hip it feels like they've cheapened me! So i make an excuse to leave...I just cannot understand why do guys move so quickly and get handsy when a girl is JUST talking to them!? Do they think girls like that and that and will want them if they don't show her respect?Sure i understand that it's a bar and what guys hope to achieve going there, of course yeah some girls do to... But i'm not one of them! I don't even dress in a provocative or revealing way, so i really don't understand why they do it!???!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 Because if they were interested in conversation, they would not look for it in a bar to begin with.
Like the other posters say , it's simply a pre-screening process of your availability. The fact that you don't dress provocatively and you don't show a lot of flesh won't totally shield you from this kind of attentions because in a bar usually there may also be women who'd be up for some fun but prefer not advertising that too obviously.
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 Jmtmj has it right. It's the fastest, most efficient way of seeing if you're DTF that night. If you're not, they don't want to waste time and effort. Most of these guys would show respect and decency in other environments.
The lack of provocative dress will prevent one group of guys from approaching you (the ones looking for cleavage), only to draw in the ones who think you look more approachable.
Fact is, you aren't going to meet a lot of guys looking for relationships at a bar. And if you hear from any women about the great guy they met at a bar and dated or married, ask how many random guys they had to turn down before that happened. Try other places.
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A
female
reader, adamantine +, writes (23 May 2011):
 Yeah. They're just doing it to see if you're DTF or not.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (23 May 2011):
 It's a litmus test as to whether you'd be up for something more. If you aren't, then it becomes obvious sooner rather than later. Sorry... but after 4 years working in a nightclub, that's what it boils down to for many guys.
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