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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I'm "still" in love with my friend who is kind of still my boyfriend except we don't have sex now. I think he thinks we might not be quite right for each other in the long run, and so doesn't want to. But we spend endless hours together and he sleeps over in my bed and holds me close. i notice when he leaves, i alway feel like my head is hitting a brick wall, and I think a lot of it is sexual frustration. I think he loves me deeply and maybe things COULD be all right, but how do we get there? Sex, love and marriage all at once but right now only love because unless marriage is in the cards, no sex (though we had it long ago)??? How can I last? I am so frustrated, andyet deeply entrenched in this man. What can I do?Maybe we aren't quite ready for the marriage route yet, but I am also scared of sex. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 Confusing story, we'd need a bit more details to say something useful.
You say that you sleep in the same bed and hold each other without ever having sex. You feel frustrated by that- so it sounds that this abstinence is HIS choice. Because he is not sure you can marry, and he does not want to have sex outside of marriage ? ...
So, why did you use to have it before ?
And why is he not sure you can be married ?, is it something that you can work on or change, - or he just needs some more time to make up his mind , or... ? what I am getting to, is - is there a possible expiration date to his state of indecision, or could/ would he drag it on indefinitely ?
And in this last case... why are you with him, and waiting for what ?
And most of all, since at the moment your relationship status is not quite clear, and you don't know if he is your boyfriend or just a friend or something in between -.. why do you allow him this level of intimacy, that, even without sex, is pretty high ? I mean, people do not share their bed and sleeps entwined with their opposite sex friends. Wouldn't it be better first to define what you are to each other ?...
Then, you reasonably wonder how long can you last in this state of frustration, but then you say you are "scared of sex ". So maybe was it you, instead, that decided to skip
sex ?..
Sorry about all these questions, but I feel that you must have left out a whole lot of background info, without which it's hard to understand your situation and give you helpful advice.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): He loves you deeply, and you love him, and he sleeps over and holds you close..but no sex? was it solely his decision to stop the sex? Because he doesn't think that a marriage could work and he only wants to have sex if there's going to be marriage? And you want to get married but he doesn't think it will work?
You two could go to couples counseling to try and work on your relationship or at least see where it is headed.
otherwise, you could get individual counseling for yourself to help you break free from him and move on with your life.
another option is to stop seeing him and officially end your romantic relationship. You would probably find it a bit easier to heal and move on if you cut off all contact with him completely, at least for the near term until you feel that you are 'over' him.
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A
male
reader, Partyboy123  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 hey,
I have never been through this before, NOR do i know how to handle this... but i would be glad to give you some advice on what i think.
options:
1. Talk to him about it and ensure to him that you want to be with him for the long run etc. and that you want to make it work
2. whilst he is in bed with you, go to the bathroom and change into something that is more suitable for the sexual encounters that you desire with this man.
2.5. come out of the bathroom and walk sexily towards him, and get him excited etc.
2.75. hop into bed with him and let instincts take over, act desperate, do whatever it takes to fulfill your needs.
3. deal with the not having sex part, and hope things get better..
i think you know which option i am pointing at :) (number 2-2.75)
if you do not think that my help is any good, or that it doesn't really help... PLEASE do not feel bad, i was only trying to tell you what i think, and NO i am not mad, i understand completely (i'm just a 17 year old haha), and possibly look into getting some professional help (it can help you out a ton) :D
hope i helped.
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