A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please, please, I really need your help. I have so many mixed feelings now that writing this is hard. I had recently gave my bf my v-card. It was unexpected to him because I've planned it all to my self. We've dated for a year and up til now, all we've done is foreplay and oral. I bought the condoms, went to get a Brazilian wax and everything else [new bra and undie]. I sure did surprise him [and I think he was happy too? because he has been waiting for a year now.] but … afterward it didn't turn out the way I thought it would be. There was no sparkles or whistles...it actually had no ending. The condom was on and he broke my hymen but when he saw the blood, he stopped. Everything stopped. He said he didn't want to hurt me any further and we should wait until my hymen heal before we continue. He didn’t want to keep going because he thought I would feel more pain. I was too shock to say anything. I was stuck between “Aw...he's so caring." and "wtf, does he not want to have sex with me?" He always want to but why when we’re doing it...he stopped? I wanted to tell him, it’s alright and keep going. But I couldn’t. I let him took off the condom. Everything just ended like that. All we did was laying there waiting for me to stop bleeding and then we ‘play around’ a bit. I acted like I was okay but I guess I was surely not...I thought we’re both ready but I guess it was just a oneside thought...Maybe i’m thinking too much...But I really don’t know how to read this...I just don’t know. Please help. Tell me what do you think about why my bf doesn’t want to continue. Is it really simply not to hurt me … or more?
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female
reader, stressedandtired  +, writes (22 October 2011):
 It could be just the simple fact that he did not want to hurt you. Then there's the possibility that the sight of blood turned him off. This is really something that you should talk to him about. He obviously has strong feelings for you because he waited a year and most wouldn't do that. So just talk to him about what you're feeling.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question=) yes yes...I'm a very difficult child to handle. lol. Thank you alot. I'm going to talk to him today to reassure him that I am fine. You guys helped me so much. Reading all this comments made me feel better and I think I just love my boyfriend more. Since I know, most guy would just jump at it to end. Thank you. =)
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 October 2011):
 OP,but, there's no pleasing you, uh ? :) He sent you a caring, affectionate message, why does it not sit well with you.
He saw blood, thought he had hurt you bad, and or caused you a lot of pain, and freaked out a little. Knowing intellectualy something will happen is not the same as actually seeing it happen, which explains why so many dads faint when they assist to the delivery of their child.
Just reassure him that the pain was / is / will be bearable, and that if it is not, you know you can stop him any moment. Just relax, the both of you , and everything will be allright.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 October 2011):
 He just didn't want it to hurt for you. And with you not speaking up, what do you expect? He's not a mind reader. He saw blood, rumour has it loosing your virginity hurts for girls, he thought it best to stop rather than make you hurt in silence and unable to walk.
He's just looking after you. You need to speak up and tell him you didn't actually want him to stop, you wanted to have a complete intercourse, and hope that next time you have sex you can continue, as that's what you want. Just talk to him. Don't worry, it's not like he didn't want you, you're just being nervous. He does want you. But he doesn't want it to hurt for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your responds. My bf understands what happen when he broke my hymen. We've talked about it before like a random topic. I guess he is a bit drawn back by the blood. [we shouldn't have had the light on] He did warn me that we could stop if I wanted to. But I edged him to continue. I believe I was too rushing and he wasn't really ready. But after this, he send me a message saying sorry of how insensitive he was. He said he forgot that it was my first time and he was my first. I felt touched that he send me that message but that sentence didn't sit well in my head. Was he trying to recover from the 'awkward or embrassement' like you said because he freaked out at the last minute?
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (20 October 2011):
 Have you considered he may also have been a virgin, and was 'playing along' with the whole situation pretending he knew what he was doing, and then freaked out at the last minute?
My guess is he panicked. Give him a little time and I am sure he will come round. Remember to a man, blood is only something that happens when you get hurt, punched, fall over, scratched etc, to a man blood = PAIN. And most of them are delicate little flowers when it comes to that ;)
He may just have been worrying he was causing you great pain and you were just going along with it to please him. I think he is just a bit of a caring softie.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (20 October 2011):
You ARE thinking too much. He is young and unexperienced, even much savvier, older men basically don't know much about female anatomy and its "mysterious "workings, they always tend to underestimate or overestimate any physical female thing.
They will understimate childbirth,for instance, and they will be surprised that one week after giving birth you are not raring to go yet , and they will overestimate the pain of hymen rupture, they see blood and think oh my God, -what a carnage ! :). They are uncomfortable with the feminine. Anything having to do with, say, defloration, menstruation, female orgasms... always remains a bit disquieting and spooky for them.
Don't worry. Everything is fine.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2011): My boyfriend and I only lost our virginities last weekend after being together ten months exactly. It wasn't planned but we knew when the opportunities struct, we would probably try. We had tried about a month ago, but I was too tight and he could just not get it in.
But I managed to relax enough and he was able to penetrate me. It hurt, oh man did it hurt, but it was bearable due to the fact I could feel him inside me, just the realisation of what we were doing, made the pain not matter.
After though we did talk about it, like he was worried I didn't enjoy it because of the pain and I did mention how glad I was that I didn't bleed. And oh boy was that a mistake. He did not like the idea of it at all. He knew that some girls bled, but when I was asked him why he was being so strange that I menionted it was good I didn't, he just said he did not like the idea of being inside me whilst I was bleeding. Which is fair enough, I wouldn't like him inside me if I was on my period or something.
So maybe that's what happened with your boyfriend? He obviously saw the blood, freaked out, (most guys don't go down well with menstrual blood and it's blood coming from your lady parts so it's a mind thing I suppose), but as you pointed out, he was worried he was hurting you.
My boyfriend felt bad for hurting me, he wanted sex with me but he didn't want to hurt me, that's why it took us so long to make that move with each other, he never wanted to hurt me but I told him I had to go through the pain to eventually get the pleasure.
So don't worry about it, I'm sure your boyfriend very much so wants to have sex with you, he probably just feels like a bit of a monster from tearing you and causing you to bleed when you were both trying to do something so intimate that we all wish was perfect the first time.
And trust me, my first time last weekend, wasn't perfect. But it's what happened, and although I was upset it wasn't perfect, I shouldn't be, it takes time and practice.
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female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (20 October 2011):
 I think he just didn't realize that bleeding happens when a girl has sex for the first time, and he freaked out. Just explain to him that yeah, you probably were in a little pain, but that's how it starts out your first time. Just tell him he didn't do anything wrong, it's just how the female body works, and since he seems like a caring guy, I think he'll understand, and hopefully you two can continue!
(How I know this, I know not, since I've still got my V-card xD)
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