A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Its simple. I really adore this guy whom I kept meeting at work. Though not co workers we are in a formal set up. In years we have become warmer. He is aware of my problems n tells me Im around when required. I liked him and we kept in touch. Then I moved away and still the relationship is the same. When im unhappy i send him a mail or text and he cheers me up. He is genuinely concerned i think. I wouldn't say he is very friendly but is very gentlemanly and is always there to help. He has told me he is always available on his cell.I am not sure of his feelings for me. He never talkd much in person. But was equally warm n reserved. He ignored me most of the times in group but was always there for a private relationship. I have thought he liked me. Maybe not romantically. But now i think he doesnt as he has never called up or texted a hi. Its just that he replies always. I wonder why a single guy like him would be so caring.I would like to know your views.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot for the replies.
I don't see him from a dating point of view. I really like him but at the moment I only wonder about why he behaves so nicely with me.
Well, he doesn't fully ignore me in public. But is not so warm as in this private relationship. He would smile and talk but you know, its different!
I am in real a very positive and enterprising person. Most of the people around him like me and are friends with me. So it could be a reason why he has warmed up to me.
But in our kind of relationship it is very unusual that he promises to be around, gives his number and asks me to contact him in need. I have never liked the idea of asking someone whatever foolish thoughts may occur to you. Like, "do you like me?" "Why won't you talk to me there but talk to me here?". It is obvious that noone would give an honest reply to it and moreover would be uncomfortale in that relationship from then on. And again reading reactions to those questions would be as good as making assumptions.
I do think that he likes me as a person. And it is my problems that he wants to help me with. And that is the main reason why he asks me to contact him at any time I want. And I understand that he has vowed to help me in anyway he could from his words and actions. What I dont understand is his thoughts or motives behind them.
Could be I am reading too much in to it.
A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1  +, writes (29 January 2011):
I agree with the anonomyous woman at the top. Do not share your problems with a man at first. That is probably why he does not contact you first. If you want to get to know him then stop what you are doing and become more positive. Next time you text him say something like "Hey! Haven't talked to you in a while, just seeing how you are doing :)" Then be positive from now on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): No offense intended here, but in my experience if you go to a guy with problems, he might be a nice enough guy to make sure you are ok, but a girl with problems is never attractive. If you seem messed-up to him, he'll feel sorry for you but guys will run a mile if they realise you are someone who has problems and comes off as negative and dependent on other people for help. In all honesty they are more likely to go for you if you give off a positive vibe, and try to come across as someone who is able to have a good time and fun to be around. You should be careful about sharing your feelings and problems with guys at first, wait till you've made a good impression and you guys are dating before you really share your feelings with him. Its not that you will de deceiving him, just wait till he is more invested in you as a boyfriend. I really don't want to seem harsh, its just that I've been in the situation before and I had to realise it too, so now I am careful not to do that anymore. Just look at it as something to learn from, and if you avoid doing it with guys in the future I feel that you will be more successful in getting guys to see you as dateable. Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): He might like you as a person, a friend. It's you who contacts him, not the other way around.
Some people like being an agony aunt/uncle. I have male friends who listen to my problems but they don't want a romantic relationship.
He might just be a nice guy who wants to help. I don't see anything in your post to suggest anything more than that.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 January 2011):
 I am not sure what this is. Men like to solve problems, it makes them feel useful. You don't want him to look at you as someone who needs help, but someone to have fun with too. You need help and you need love, but you shouldn't portray yourself as that. How about being someone who radiates love? Emotions are contagious so you should switch from needing help from just having fun and flirting. It doesn't have to be just him, go flirt with any man who tickles your fancy.
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