A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and he recently asked me to marry him. He is the most wonderful man I could ever have asked for, but for some reason, even though my head and heart wanted to say yes, I said no. I've broken his heart and don't understand why I told him no. The only thing I can think of is that deep down I'm afraid of what married life will be like. But I desperately want him to ask me again so I can give him a yes answer as I want to marry him more than anything. I have only spoken to him on the phone since he asked me to marry him on Valentine's Day. He says that he is not ready to see me and needs some time to himself. But I desparately want to see him so I can ask him to ask me again. Can anyone help? Any ideas why I said no when I wanted to say yes and how can I get to see him? Please. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, JsaiyaSavannah  +, writes (19 February 2009):
 Let me clear some things up, i didnt mean it to be mean, it jus comes off that way because the computer takes it out of context! but i did mean what i said, jus withought having the right words to use made it look ALL wrong. but honestly, i like the idea about the card, and like i said, 30 something isnt old, but you do want to start building your foundation. why not start in your ealry thirties. how long do you actually want to wait? thats all im saying!!
A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (18 February 2009):
 PS I have to say Guillaume's advice to this question I think is an ideal solution. It's worth a shot!
xxxx
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24 +, writes (18 February 2009):
In the three years I've been on this website, that is one of the nastiest answers I've seen, JsaiyaSavannah. What you have said is truely disgraceful and like satindesire said, you should be ashamed of yourself. 30 years old is not even old! And anyone can get married at any time of their lives, they don't need your approval. I think you need a reality check. Think about who you're going to affect before you speak.
Back to the matter in hand, I think the other advice given is very helpful. If I were you, I'd do what some of the other have said. If he's not going to make the next move, it's up to you. Otherwise you get stuck in the middle of the unknown. Wait about 3 days or so and then call him and ask him whether you can meet up and as Ginalolabridge says, explain to him the situation and say that you acutally want to say yes. Say to him what you said here. I'm sure if he's the wonderful guy you say he is he'll try to understand.
I hope this helps and please ignore spiteful and nasty comments. I don't really understand why that answer wasn't rejected but please, take no heed.
Take care and best of luck.
xxxx
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A
female
reader, JsaiyaSavannah +, writes (18 February 2009):
quiet frankly, you are not at that age to be picky choosie with anyone. if sum1 want to come along and put a ring on that ageing finger u might not want to turn him down. i mean how many times in ur life have sum1 proposed to you. do u really want to wait another 30 plus years! get it together!
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A
female
reader, SolvingSally +, writes (18 February 2009):
Hi,
if you want to be married in your lifetime, you might aswell be married to MR.Perfect! so before his heart breaks even more explain to him your feelings then ask him yourself or after you talk... e will most likely ask you again!
Sally x
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A
male
reader, toddybad +, writes (18 February 2009):
gillaume's idea is superb. go for that. you need to do something quickly. basically this is so he doesnt think there's no future and disappear and while he is hurting you rejected him the high from realising your real feelings will be such a switch it will give him an overwhelming feeling of happiness. thats what you need. watch a girly chick-flick and youll get the idea there a little truth in them when us guys finally let our hearts out and you need to make sure you dont leave it to long. go get him...
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (18 February 2009):
 Is there a time frame between when one asks the big M question until the actual wedding date? If you truly love him, and you now realize that you have caused a "major ego bruise" on him (as gumbbo pointed out), then NOW is the time you go to him and go down on your knees and propose to him! Don't wait for the bruise to be developed into a scar ... which would take longer to heal.
Tell him you made a mistake in saying no, but that you do still have reservations about setting the date soon. Hopefully the two of you will then continue with further discussions on how to support each other in your marriage.
Good luck!
Cat
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A
male
reader, blackyy +, writes (18 February 2009):
You shouldn't wait for him to ask you again. You should go see him, and tell him face-to-face that you love him, and that you want to marry him. Make him understand that you don't know why you said know, most likely because you are afraid deep down of marriage; and that it has nothing to do with him. Don't be afraid to open yourself up to him, he will appreciate it and understand. Sure, he will be hurting for a bit, but just tell him everything you told us and things will be fine. Best luck.
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A
male
reader, gumbbo +, writes (18 February 2009):
Hey listen his ego is majorly bruised! He won't ask again no matter what. If i were you i'd go round with his favourite take away or whatever he likes and just say "MARRY ME!". If you did that he'd not only be blown away, but his ego will be totally healed.
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A
male
reader, Jay Za +, writes (18 February 2009):
I was on the cusp of proposing on valentine's day but couldn't pull the trigger. I hope that experience will help me relate to whatever it is you may be feeling.I guess it is good to think about what might be holding you back. If it is just what you suggested, then I think the ultimate gesture would be for you to propose to him. I know that's not traditional, but I think your boyfriend feels very rejected right now, and needs the reassurance that you're with him all the way - if you are in fact with him all the way.But, please don't go forward with your engagement until you're certain it's the right thing for you. Maybe you need time... Or maybe you can tell him that you have another date/timeframe in mind to get engaged, so you don't feel rushed...I hope things work out well, and your love continues to blossom.
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