A
female
age
30-35,
*craved Fin
writes:For the past 4 weeks I have been going on dates with a guy I met in a grocery store in March. At first i was a little skeptical because he’s a tad bit older but not by much.On our first date we met up at Dairy Queen. We talked for three hours , he did majority of the talking. He asked me out for a second date a few days later and the second date he cooked and made cookies for us at his house we cuddled and watched movies. We had a 3rd date and we ended up having sex. Ever since the third date he’s been acting weird. When i come over he will ask me “why didn’t you give me a hug when you came in?”“Why don’t you bring a second pair of clothes over so you can spend the night?”“Can you come get comfortable with me?”“Do you want me to do this or that?”“Can you come over?” And if i say “I’m busy today he’ll ask can he come pick me up if I’m tired“Do you miss me?”It’s like he asks me questions non stop The other day when i came over he was on the game playing COD with his friends and he asked me “do you want me to get off that game?”And i said “no” I’m fine you can finish playingWe were laying in bed last night and he asked me “what did you do today?”And i said “i went downtown”and he said “who’s downtown? Your boo”? I looked at him and said “no” and he said “i mean if you do have others your talking to that’s fine”Now Wednesday i texted him that morning and he hasn’t said a word to me or responded
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 May 2020):
 Why were you ghosted ?...
We can just guess,.. but it's far from a wild guess. I'd say that it's very self -evident, isn't it ?
... He ghosted you because he only meant to be entertained sexually by you a few times, having accomplished which, he must have chosen to pass to other conquests / entertainments / passtimes.
- If you mean " why did he chose this method of disappearing silently and suddenly, with no explanation "... that's precisely because he preferred to give no explanations and avoid any possible argument / reproach / angry outburst / tears from you. He left no room for any possible display of emotions by you which could bother him / make him uncomfortable. He just made things easier for himself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2020): Then go ask him! He's the one who ghosted you!
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A
female
reader, Scraved Fin +, writes (24 May 2020):
Scraved Fin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy question is why was i ghosted
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (23 May 2020):
Well, I don't know for sure because you were there and I wasn't, yet my take on this is different from yours , I don't read that as " insecurity ", he does not sound insecure to me ( although, maybe he was, just a little bit, because of the age difference ? ) He sounds just like someone who is laying it on thick. It may be simply their way, the way they are used to deal with women -they lay it on thick automatically, just out of habit. Or because they found out it gets results for them, some guys haven't got much game per se but if they act extra sweet, extra attentive, they know they have got your attention and cooperation for all the time they want to have you around- and no more. As other posters say, ultimately it's about control, he still wants to be the one to take or leave, to decide if when and how often he is going to get laid.
It seems , unluckily, that most of the excitement was in the chase, once he knew he got you hooked and could have you any time he wanted ... he stopped wanting you.
Too bad, but - hey, it happens, move on. And next time , remember two things that are well known but are regularly neglected :
1) start as you want to continue. What starts as sex, most often remains just that, sex. If you want a relationship, or at least you want someone to date regularly- do just that. Go on dates, and if he is not interested , and puts pressure on you to rush things - well, then you know he just wants casual sex. Having the second date at his place ? Typical player move, textbook. Even if nothing happened , that time.
Now this advice is less old fashioned, or prude, or manipulative than you think. It's not a matter of " playing hard to get " or being uptight. It's simply about being clear about your expectations.
There's nothing wrong in having casual sex, sex on the third date, sex on the first date, any kind of sex you want. As long as you know and accept that, if you bypass a phase of , to call it with an ancient name, courtship, or let's call it getting to know each other, making friends firsts, getting gradually closer.. you have many,many chances to get stuck into casual encounters only, as long as both people are sexually attracted - which may be not a long time ( apparently, lots of people have a short attention span )
2 ) we said it one million times on DC, but... apparently it is never enough : Actions speak louder than words !
Sure, this guy was sweet-talking you and being cuddly and cute, but basically ? By your own admission, he was a big flake, from the very beginning. He never initiated dates, he kept you guessing when and if he was going to answer your messages, he made you chase him,... ... there is a big difference from what he says to you , and what he actually does to show you his interest . Next time, remember that talk is cheap, and pay more attention to what they do , than to what they say.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 May 2020):
 I was thinking the same thing, Youcannotbeserious
OP, what is your question really about and what are you looking to get answered?
You ALREADY asked the SAME question almost 3 weeks ago, and you are still seeing the guy, so I would presume you are OK with him and his "odd" behavior, otherwise you would have ended it and looked elsewhere.
Only you can decide if this is a guy you are interested in or if his little antics are so annoying you rather not date him. It's not likely he will change who he is.
You don't need anyone's opinion to DECIDE if this is too much for you or not. If you don't want someone who acts a tad "clingy" or insecure or whatever you feel he is doing, then end it now instead of thinking you can "fix" the guy.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (22 May 2020):
 Same question as last time?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-does-the-guy-im-seeing-ask-me.html
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A
female
reader, Scraved Fin +, writes (22 May 2020):
Scraved Fin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe ghosted me i didn’t dump him
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2020): I'm not just reading insecure, maybe he's trying to pry the words out of you confirming that you're into him. He's looking for some kind of feedback to let him know if things are going anywhere.
I think it's a little soon to be having sex before you really know whom you're dealing with and how you feel about him. Now you're questioning his sanity and his level of security?
If you're already complaining after just 4 weeks; I think the novelty has warn-off, and basically you just wanted sex. You're searching for excuses to dump him.
If you're not making a connection, just be honest with him and end it. That's what you really want to do anyway.
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A
female
reader, Scraved Fin +, writes (22 May 2020):
Scraved Fin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah he ended up ghosting me it’s been over a week since he’s spoken to me
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A
male
reader, Justryingtohelp +, writes (22 May 2020):
You've already written in once about this guy and completely ignored all the advice. I'm assuming that was because you didn't agree with it which is absolutely fine but why repeat the post a couple of weeks later?
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (22 May 2020):
 You have only been dating this guy for 4 weeks and already he is being insecure and asking you lots of questions.
We don't really know much about his background, or his relationship past, it could very well be he has been cheated on previously. The way he is acting with you, if he was like this in previous relationships he would have been risking pushing people away, and if you carry on seeing him, over time the same thing will happen with you.
If he is being this insecure so early on in the getting to know each other period, the likelihood of things changing further down the line are rather slim.
So you have recently sent him a text and he has not responded. I would refrain from sending another text and leave it at that, and think maybe you dodged a bullet there.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2020): OP, his questions sound insecure and he sounds too, as though he could morph into a control freak. He is definately not very direct either. I think that he is beating around the bush while trying to find out if you are having sex, with anyone else. He may believe that you are, since you had sex with him, after such a short time. I would be upfront and honest with him, but I warn you that you should not surrender too much control to this man, lest he control every single area of you life. Best wishes OP!
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (22 May 2020):
Hi there. He does sound a little insecure, for whatever reason that is.
And asking you questions all the time, about what did you do today, etc. etc. etc.
It almost sounds like he needs frequent reassurance from you, that you care about him enough.
And if your answers don't reach his apparent expectations, then he is a bit disappointed.
He seems to need proof by you, so he can feel comfortable about being in a relationship with you.
With his insecurity, might also be a bit of a jealous streak - regarding his questioning your trip downtown, and wondering if you were meeting "someone" else while you were there.
It can be rather challenging for someone on the receiving end of this type of behaviour, as it comes down to trust.
And I suppose, with it being that you only recently met, and so you are still getting to know each other.
And because of his insecurities, he doesn't know if he should trust what you say to be true.
In his past relationships, he may have dated someone who ended up cheating on him.
If this is the case, it would explain his doubting behaviour.
And so it could take some time to work through all this, but if he doesn't learn to trust you at all, he will just be unknowingly pushing you away.
And then he will wonder why.
He may be oblivious to the fact he is acting in such a negative way, because he could've been this way for many years.
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