A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Experiencing ongoing conflict with the farther of my child who I left over ten years ago. On yesterday's date, I contacted a helpline for dealing with domesticated issues regards to communication taken place. As a result,they referred me to contacting the police, given the nature of text messages being a form of harassment. The police have said they will forward the details as my wish us to have an harassment order put in place. They referred me to a domestics team for help and support. In addition, it will be considered if a non-molesant order can be put into place. I have acted in accordance, haven't responded to any of the text messages sent to my spam inbox and keeping everything as evidence, where retaliation would have be ignited in the past. All of what has happened is in connection to previously departing ways 9 weeks after the birth of my daughter and seeking help with women's refuges. There seems to be an ongoing pattern where conflict is instigated and then communication of a healthier nature restarts. It is only within recent time that I felt thrown off-balance with comments made by my ex, which led to writing thoughts in a digital diary. Within a short space of time, further arguments happened again. It triggered an automated response to realising the pattern of behaviour taking place have been on-off over a duration of 17+ years in knowing him. My daughter now lives with him on a full-time basis, given self-admission to hospitalisation for mental health in 2015. It was agreed that she would return home, which led to his decision of taking things to court. It was settled that her routine is now well established in his area (miles away from my home). It was agreed that there would be no manipulation of contact being made with my daughter and the time I am to spend with her. However,it now feels that gaslighting manipulation has taken place. Feeling attacked on identity as a mother "disgrace of a mother", have been labeled "hoe" and text messages with which appear to be toxic and guilt shaming in nature. There is no problem solving taking place and attempts to establish healthy boundaries are met with greater hostility. I am taking practical measures and documenting everything that is taking place when pursuing further action. My real question is, what is the best way to stay self-protected when dealing with someone is seems happy creating lot's of conflict, inflicting insults and with failure to respect personal boundaries. Would really appreciated guidance with what is happening.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2020): Stop responding and reacting to his messages. He needs a reaction to give any of his threats and insults any traction. You must continue as instructed by law enforcement. You are dealing with a person likely suffering bipolar disorder; exhibiting psychotic and aggressive behavior. Alternating between nice and nasty! He probably doesn't take his prescribed medication and isn't under a therapy program. You said he was self-admitted the last time he received treatment for his mental-health. You didn't elaborate why?
There are people suffering untreated mental-illness, running amok; and the law can be quite dubious about what to do with them; unless they are physically violent, and pose a threat to the public.
The police are limited in what they can do; as long has he hasn't carried-out any physical threat. Verbal-assault by text message may be a nuisance crime; but there is very little police can do about it. You can ignore the messages and just spam them.
You may have to hire an attorney, and file for guardianship. You might have to get your boyfriend psychologically-evaluated for mental competency to protect your daughter. An attorney may submit the results of the evaluation to a court for a competency hearing. If he is declared legally-incompetent it will minimize his paternal-rights and limit unsupervised access to the child. Perhaps the court will shift all custody of the child over to you. Then you can file for restrictions and protections under a restraining order.
You have to determine what your legal-rights are; and how to keep him away from you. The police may not be able to do anything; until he does something physically. They can't stop him from sending you messages; it's up to you whether to read them or not. As long as he has legal visitation and access to see his daughter, he will hound and harass YOU!!!
There's really no way around using the legal and court system. He dances around the edges of the law by harassing you from a distance.
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