A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:me and my boyfriend have been together for a while and we're teens he's 17 i'm 16, and well we was messing around the other day, and we was grinding on each other naked (i'm waiting on sex till' i'm ready) and well we do that just to make us both happy... well today we was doing that and i was on top of him with my knees on each side of him while he was rubbing it around my vagina area and well then he grabbed my hips and pushed me down making his dick go in.... he said he got caught up into the moment. what you think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): Sorry but why would you grind against each other NAKED? who does that? with their clothes on yes but naked? Yes he tried his luck but did he stop after? sounds like it was just that one thrust.
A
female
reader, Tashie08  +, writes (1 June 2010):
I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but you two were grinding each other naked...that's just asking for trouble if you don't want sex. In my book and am sure in the majority's book, if you werw to "grind up"against someone naked, it signals that actually you do want a sexual encounter, so this boy probably assumed that he had been given the green light, most people would probably think the same. Just take this as a lesson learnt and in future think about what impression your actions are going to give off before doing ANYTHING!! Take care of yourself x
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 June 2010):
 "we was grinding on each other naked" sounds painful. I was grinding some coffee this past weekend at the supermarket, I also grated some cheese later on, but I had my clothes on both times.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 June 2010):
 I think you are bulls***ting us.
Both about your age ( is it 13 or 16,then ? )
And about what really happened. I don't want to be too graphic or detailed here, but ..it's really very very unlikely than an accidental defloration may occur in the exact circumstances you have described.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 June 2010):
 original poster, go and talk to your school counsellor or school nurse.. they will understand.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 June 2010):
Yep.. but how dose she explain the naked bit and the "it just slipped in"... sigh
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (1 June 2010):
 Love and sex are powerful emotional forces. Once let loose,one may not be able to control it and will be swept along with those tidal forces.
That's what will happen when you do not have any intentions at first but later was powerless to resist those strong currents.
Anything can happen when two hot bodied are entwined in love and sex and in a world of their own.
You don't know what dark forces you are dealing with?
Yeah! He got caught up at the moment as his mind was taken over by his animal and base instincts.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 June 2010):
Especially if they can be shown to tell lies...
Original poster records her age as 13-15 and currently living in the USA..
But in her story she says... "and we're teens he's 17 i'm 16"
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 June 2010):
In any allegation of rape, the absence of consent to sexual intercourse on the part of the victim is critical. Consent need not be expressed, and may be implied from the context and from the relationship of the parties, but the absence of objection does not of itself constitute consent. (wikipedia)
He has to prove consent... easy, she was willingly naked, she was engaging in sexual activity willingly...
She has to prove non-consent.. any bruises, did she go to the police, could she get away, did he tear of her clothes.. how is she going to show that she did not consent to sexual penetration?
We are not talking about morality.. we are talking about evidence and consent... how do we know she is telling the truth.. what if the boy comes here and says she's a liar, and is now telling these stories because she's afraid her mum will find out that she is no longer a virgin.
The law must be fair and work on the basis of evidence and likelyhood of something being true rather than not. You cannot convict someone and send them to jail based on a couple of sentences that don't even fill a page.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 June 2010):
No, I'm not. I didn't at any point say accept it. Not once. Check my posts for the word 'accept'. It's not there, and nor is anything that says she should or shouldn't report it. But this is one of those very dangerous areas because it could backfire even more, and it requires thought and the right action in the right order. I've had the displeasure of seeing a friend of mine go through all this mess. Which is why I know that this is a mess and why I want the OP to think carefully and make the right decision for herself and do the right thing at the right time. I won't make it for her.
I had a friend who was raped. She reported it, and they took her apart, piece by piece. No women should accept anything, and I knew my view would attract criticism. I wanted it to to highlight a point, which it has done thankfully. But the sad fact is, it's the most realistic. Whether anyone likes it or not. And you can't even imagine for one second how SHITE that feels to say. But I know one thing from having seen it first hand, and that's the effect this has. I've seen it. I've seen what happens on the stand, and how this will be shredded and manipulated. I've seen the lot from the moment they ask her what she was wearing, the the descriptions of what she was doing, to the moment the man's defence said she was lying, and to the Not Guilty verdict. And it's just bloody horrific. That's what it is. That's ALL it is. HORRIFIC. God knows I don't want to see ANY woman go through the hell of that again. The OP needs to get tested, and if she feels the need, she needs to get counselling (very advisable). She does really need to report it. What I am saying here is that there are women who do put themselves in danger, often through no fault of their own, or through misplaced trust or both at the same time. And I would like for the OP not to end up here again, or returning to say that she made the right decision for herself.
"Wouldn't it be wonderful if women could walk around naked" a woman once said, before adding "pity life doesn't work that way". And she was right.
This is not as clear cut as it seems, and any defence will see that. We see rape, because she has some here for help and has described everything. But we also know, sadly, what else will be said. And the OP needs to be aware of that, because no one tells a rape victim what happens afterwards when it goes further.
To the OP. Get checked for STD's, pregnancy. Get counselling and listen to what the counsellor has to say, and if you feel that you can report it and you are strong enough to (hopefully you will be), do it and make sure you have the counsellor ready (they really do help). But please PLEASE in future protect yourself. In no way are all men are like this one, but there are a lot who will take advantage if they know they can get away with it. He did know you wanted to wait, so it was rape. You are not in the wrong. But you must be safe. The thing life does not teach you, and the thing teachers and everyone else can't teach you is that people are out there who will take advantage at the right moment. We only learn that afterwards when it's gone wrong. So the important thing is to make sure that the right moment never comes along. MarieClaire is right about him. You need to cut contact. What I am saying is that many people sometimes place their trust where they shouldn't, and when it goes wrong, it goes wrong very badly. Be vigilant with your safety.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 June 2010):
ah she was naked... again, it is too easy for him to prove consent.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 June 2010):
Wait a sec.. where was her knickers.. how come he just slipped in....
No rape charge will stick, and all she will do is humilate herself. There is much more to the story than this young lady is telling here.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 June 2010):
Dump him.. and forget the whole thing... this guy is a user and abuser, and dosen't respect you at all.
Marieclaire, sorry to say, a rape charge would not stick.. she was alone with him, he was a boyfriend, it's hard for her to prove rape, and easy for him to show her actions show consent.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 June 2010):
MarieClaire, if you know the law, you will know for sure that no way in hell will a court convict on this. You'll know it. Surely? This is why rape is so hard to prove. Yes, he is scum, we all know it. That's the point here. But what are the lawyers going say? What about the cops? What about the judge? What about the jury who will be presented with her having been naked straddling him. There is no way at all that this will be proved. No way. This will be another one of the 95% of rapes that go unsolved. They'll tear the OP apart in five seconds on the stand. I am saying that if a woman is there straddling a man naked, there is a chance something will go wrong. And when it goes to court, what will the man's defence say? What will the cops say before it's even ended up in court? And that's if it gets to court.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 June 2010):
You won't like me saying this, and I will understand women getting at me for this if they think he should have waited. Yes he should have. But no disrespect, you are asking for trouble if you are lying there naked allowing him to grind against you. Something was bound to happen, and it did. For starts, get tested. If he was unprotected and you were not on the pill, you could be pregnant. Secondly, make a decision not to be naked with a boyfriend again. If you want to wait, then always be in a position where nothing will happen. To sit there straddling him naked when you want to wait is madness, because something will happen. Finally, it has to be said he knew you wanted to wait, so make a decision about a guy who 'got carried away'.
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