A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid, I have a relative I am currently rooming with. She has some habits that really annoy me and I don't know any nice way to bring it up or let her know. And I need help doing that. She has battled with weightloss all her life. It is so hard to eat in front of her because she always hovers over my food, its weird. Or we will go out to eat and it is kind of embarrassing because she gets so excited she talks about the food and what she is going to get the whole time. Like when I go out to eat w/ my friends we talk about boys, or problems or laugh about stuff, with her, get her near food and she can't think of anything else. I don't know how to tell her CHILL OUT, its just food! But I want to sometimes, but I don't want to hurt her either. She really wants a boyfriend too and she has told me that she is going to get skinny and once they have been together a while she will eat whatever she wants. I look at her with DISGUST because I see nothing "cute" about what she is saying and I care about her and find it so sad that I can see she is addicted to food. And the fact that she would openly say something like that, she seems to think it is socially acceptable. The worst is when she HOARDS food...we're not poor or starved...when someone is HOARDING food, that's a PROBLEM. If you go out to eat with her and order an appetizer to "share," she will grab 1/4 of the appetizer put it on her plate and NOT eat it, and then share what's left on the appetizer plate with you and then when that's done she still has more on her plate...Its not only weird thing to watch but it is bad manners.I just want her to CHILL OUT. I do find it SO embarrassing, I hate going out to eat with her because she looks at food like a sex addict looks at beautiful women, with like eyes bulging out. I can't just eat in peace because I know she is dreaming about my food in her mouth; and forget about sharing anything with her, that's 10 for her, 1 for you. I hope I don't sound mean, I am a nice person and I do want to HELP her, she actually is a really nice person and has other good qualities but I DO NOT believe her behavior toward food is normal and I don't know what to do...How do you bring this up to someone? You know? I am sure they are things that she would be so embarrassed to hear, but I get the impression she doesn't realise what she is doing and how unacceptable her behavior is. I just don't know how to bring it up. Any help would be so great. Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): No you're absolutely right, she is obsessed with food. You need to get her professional help, but in the meantime you need to carefully confront her and let her know that you find her behavior absolutely rude and weird. you dont have to be mean but be firm. and let her know that other people notice and that you are embarrassed by her behavior!
You may also want to consider getting together alot of family and friends and staging an intervention!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): Marieclaire I see what you are saying. I think part of the problem is that she is very sensitive and somewhat in denial. Whereas with my friends, I can easily call them out on their habits, good or bad, without them feeling hurt (that is just how we are, I LOVE people who are REAL) with her I feel like I have to walk on eggshells or simply not say anything and pretend that everything is ok (when clearly it is not) just to not hurt her feelings.
And I wanted to know HOW to bring this up to a person who clearly has a problem but is VERY sensitive. That was my question, (which is still unanswered).
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