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Why can't I say I love them?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 May 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 14 May 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, *ipsydoodlenoodle writes:

Hi,

It’s not a major problem as such.

I can’t tell my boyfriend I love him and I also have issues telling my parents I love them as well. I don’t know why, I can’t explain it (I imagine my life without them and obviously its unbearable), it upsets everyone involved. Can anyone shed any light onto this? I think I’m just incapable of loving someone :-(

Thanks xx

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A female reader, Dipsydoodlenoodle United Kingdom +, writes (14 May 2008):

Dipsydoodlenoodle is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well firstly BigSis glad you got so much amusement out of my name (I got it from a board game I used to have when I was little lol), and I thought it was funny :-).

I don’t think it is so important that I don’t say it, its just other people do AND if the roles were reversed then I would certainly be upset by it, as my bf used to tell me he loved me loads of times a day, he still tells me just not as much and it is slightly upsetting. When I know in reality he does, it’s just nice to be told.

I just feel uncomfortable saying it.

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A male reader, binhquangdao United States +, writes (12 May 2008):

binhquangdao agony auntin my culture and i'm vietnamese we do the same thing we usually don't say I love you we just show it :) it's normal.

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A female reader, BigSis United Kingdom +, writes (12 May 2008):

BigSis agony auntUncle Phil is right, Dipsydoodlenoodle. (and where did you get that name from?...LOL}

Of course you are capable of loving, we all are. Just because you can't say it, it doesn't mean you don't love them.

I loved my mum and dad to infinity and beyond, but I can't ever remember telling them I loved them, and on both their death beds, there was nothing I regretted more than not telling them when they were alive. Dad died eight years before mum, so I did say it to her, but still felt I never said it enough.

That older generation never felt they needed to tell us they loved us every 5 minutes, like we do now. We knew they loved us, and they knew we knew they loved us. {Did that make sense?}.

Now, I'm always telling my kids and their children I love them, and my sisters, brothers and my nieces too, even someof my closest friends.

When I was with my man, we never stopped telling eachother 'I love you'.

You have love to give, you give it, so slip it in now and again until you get used to saying it. If you really mean it, and it means that much to you...you can do it.

However, Dipsy {Sorry, I'm chuckling everytime I see your name}..where was I? Oh yeah, however, your boyfriend knows you love him, as do your parents, so is it really that important if you don't say it?

Take care Dips....heh heh...luv ya!

BigSis

xXx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008):

You obviously do love your parents or you wouldn't miss them if anything happened to them. It seems that you're just afraid of saying it. It's easy though. At the end of a telephone conversation, immediately before you say goodbye, say "I love you". Where your boyfriend is concerned say "I love you" just as you kiss him and turn over to go to sleep.

It really is as simple as that. Try it - you'll feel better for it!

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