A
female
age
36-40,
*kao
writes:Okay well i guess this is a really common topic but.. ive been dating my boyfriend for 3 years now and ive always been pretty self concious about myself but after being with him for so long i just feel like dirt. hes been cheating on me and watching porn alot.. he even made an adult friend finder account where he wrote that he was willing to travel across the city just to have sex with some skank... i dont understand why he cant just have me.. why cant he just have sex from me and thats it.. why does he need other girls to keep him happy. ive always been willing to try everything.. i gave him my virginity.. first anal first deepthroat its not like im bad at sex or anything.. theres no reason for him not to want me.. he tells me hes stopped watching porn but its always there.. he tells me i just day dreamed it and its not true.. he honestly thinks im retarded..just recently he started telling me he wished i looked like this girl, or that im fat, ugly, worthless to him, or how hard it makes him just thinking about porn.. i still have sex with him.. even though its only like once a week now... i almost end up crying half way through cuz all i can think about is how much he wishes i was one of his pornstars.. i used to cry and cry but now im just starting to feel numb.. He used to be nice to me.. like the first year and a half we were dating.. i dont understand what happened but whenever we fight he acts so mean to me but then appoligizes for it later so i find it really hard to leave him.. even though i know i probably should..sorry for the long message.. i just dont know what to do.. i wish he was interested in me.. i wish he actually wanted me.. i dont know what to do to make him want me again, not just his porn..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ckao +, writes (22 May 2009):
Ckao is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you soooo much everyone.. i really know i should leave.. its just so hard.. i dont know.. like 3 years of being with someone and then to just walk away.
i guess i just need to get over it..
it just hurts alot because i know when we break up ill be at home crying for god knows how long (hell im even crying right now) and hell probably just end up going to the bar or a party to pick up some girls..
i guess my best just isnt good enough..
relationships suck...
really thank you so so so so much everyone
just the reassurance that i couldnt have done anything more to make it work helped alot. thanks so much really
A
female
reader, Ms.Helper  +, writes (22 May 2009):
 Like 'Silvershocker123' said, porn is just a fetish, it means nothing, there's no love, no real emotions.
With you there could be, he just doesn't seem to be making the effort!
You should tell him exactly how you feel, then it's upto him how he reacts, but you should value yourself a lot lot lot more! This guy doesn't DESERVE you!
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, silvershocker123  +, writes (22 May 2009):
Actually sweet heart men and porn are sort of um.... different. It has nothing to with being loyal, its just sort of a fetish that men have that has nothing to do with you.
BUT....When he says that he wants you to be like a porn star and made an adult finder he has crossed the line... not just the line where you need the talk but is now at a poing where the relationship is just not working. You sound really sweet and i see that you tried to make it work so just take that one more step and tell him what it is on your mind and based on his response see what works out. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (22 May 2009):
 man!
that guy is horrible!!
he shouldn't tell you that you're worthless or ugly
he should love you for whom you are!
i mean he's obviously wrapped up in himself wishing to get an uber thin model porn star girlfriend who like hardly eats or whatever and that's not fair because he should love you for you!!!
not for what he wants his ideal girl to be like.
hun you are just better off leaving him i know you say you can't but you shouldn't be with a guy like that not one who doesn't give you any respect or moral support for the way you feel.
i mean this is probably why you are self concious because he's putting you down so much you start to beleive it!
you need someone who will compliment you ALL the time! someone whom actually cares about your feelings someone you can actually talk too about your feelings.
this guy is just a sleeze who wants everything perfectly but he got to realise not everyone is perfect not even him!
i suggest you leave him i know it's hard because of things you've been through but i mean give yourself some respect and leave him do your self a favour and get out of there and build your self esteem and confidence back before finding someone else who WILL respect you and be there for you.
i hope this helps.
best of luck
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (22 May 2009):
 The problem is HIM. If you take anything at all from my advice, let it be that sentence. I'm sure you understand that to some level, but to actually make yourself believe it is another thing entirely.
There is nothing you can do in this situation, you've given him everything you can given sexually and he is not satisfied. He would not be satisfied with any other woman either. He has impossible fantasies that no one woman will ever meet, he cannot be satisfied with the woman he loves and is attracted to, the fault is all his.
Im sure you are aware you need to get out of this, it does not seem there is much left in this relationship and the longer you stay in it the less that will be left of your self esteem.
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