A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why does a female get so offended when you reject her from any pleasure? I been in relationship nearly 4 / 5 years. She doesn’t have same sex drive as me, she felt up for it once in our week long holiday, but because I’m so used to not having it she got frustrated that I didn’t cum. I don’t understand why when she rejects me everyday. Tomorrow could be fun, but she wakes up hungry for food. It’s like food is more important. So I give her food. I give her everything she wants. So she wants me after. But I didn’t feel like it, I was too shocked she said she wanted to make me feel good. But if someone is used to having it once a week than it’s not my fault. I give up anyway we have been alone for a week and still hardly has any fun. She is too tired and when she is not I don’t know it’s going to happen. Tonight she offered but it was so sudden I could not deliver. We both went to bed frustrated. She is not talking to me. What could I do to change this around. I literally lick her asss but it isn’t working is there anything else I could do? ThanksWhy is it a women a can reject sex and it’s okay because she is not in the mood. But when her bf does it, it’s the worst thing ever. That’s the situation I’m in. I am fed up with begging for something. I don’t watch porn. I tried talking to her, but nothing helps. But I accept she not in the mood, but when I try it’s waste of time. We are on a week long holiday and it’s already feeling like time to go home. I’m not enjoying it, I’m 4 hours flying Time away from London. But I feel like I’m being babysit. I’m not allowed to listen to music because it’s apparently unsocialising. I’m not allowed to visit toilet too long because I’m trying to get away. It’s driving me mad!! It’s happened before but this is first time flying. My gf often tells me her friends lives. They love having crazy fun kinky sex, different thing, experimenting. It’s absolutely killing me, I feel like they are having more fun, I tried talking to her but it ends up in Arguments. She isn’t worth talking to. This is the same girl who it takes 2 hours to find an emergency pair of jeans as she needed some ASAP. After a loooooong day I never know if she wants it. One night I was drunk, she rejected me. So I went to bed alone. Next day she wants to make me feel good (after 10 days) I didn’t expect it so she gets moody: so I tried to go with it and I couldn’t cum. But I wasn’t expecting to because I was drunk, she was annoyed. It’s not my fault. When mood is right she doesn’t want drink. Or anything fun! Is there anyway I can predict her mood or be a mind reader? Because I’m suffering at the moment.[mod note: 3 posts from same poster combined into one as they all are about the same relationship.]
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drunk, in the mood, porn, sex drive Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 October 2017):
 I remember your last post. I really don't think you are both compatible. You are both frustrated with each other. I will admit if I am not in the mood in my marriage then my husband says that is okay and if he says he is not in the mood I say it is okay. Neither off us feel rejected because we know we both love each other. It is clear you are both not compatible.
A
male
reader, Woodstock54  +, writes (3 October 2017):
One simple answer man, spend more time playing with each other. Sweet talking and fooling around, forget about getting right to the sex. You wanna turn your woman on you got to get sensual and flirt, play coy and let the cat and mouse game begin. She needs to as well with you. Take your time and enjoy what your doing.
On a side not, she's a princess man. She wants what she wants.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (2 October 2017):
 "I give her everything she wants."
I hear this so often...then you find out...not even close to the truth.
What exactly is everything? Do you truly know what a woman wants?? Most women want from a man, all the things you can not buy in a store. FOOD you can buy, so that does not count.
Most often when a woman rejects sex...it is because the man does not, or is not, giving her the things you cannot buy in a store.
I do not know where men think that women do not want sex. I have yet to meet a man that can keep up with a woman's sexual appetite.
The difference is...A man can be turned on by seeing a woman naked, and have a great orgasm with a simple hand job. Not so for a woman.
Women run on emotions...something you men fail to realise. Sex connects a woman to her man emotionally...NOT SEXUALLY!!! Men are connect to a woman SEXUALLY not emotionally.
So Want lots of sex??? YOU...yes...YOU!!! You have to connect to you woman emotionally...and SHE will connect to you sexually...it is that simple.
Stop thinking with your little head, and use the big one.
Let me explain it to you like a man and his car...You want the best performance from your car? What do you do? Do you put in crappy oil, crappy gas, and crappy parts?? NO!! You get out what you put in. Put in the good stuff, get the good stuff.
If you put in bitching and complaining, what do you get out? EXACTLY what you put in.
But if you chase after her...treat her with respect, love, kindness, affection, hugs and kisses...what do you thing you will get back??? And none of that stuff can be bought in a store.
Sex is not your right because you have a woman. It is your reward from being a good man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2017): "Why can a woman reject sex but if her boyfriend does it, it's the worst thing ever?"
Based on your level of anger, her rejecting sex is clearly the "worst thing ever" for you too. The difference is she's telling you she's unhappy at the time but you're letting your unhappiness fester until you have nothing but contempt for her. Or so it sounds from what you write. If you don't think she's any fun or worth talking to and you're having a miserable time why are you still with her?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (2 October 2017):
 OP, if this is you: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-am-i-stuck-with-the-girl-that.html , re-read the answers.
If it isn't you, read them anyway; the same applies.
You're sexually incompatible, have poor communication and neither of you have made the reasonable decision to call it quits.
OP, this will not improve. You have hang ups about it and she just has a low sex drive. Your pestering has only killed whatever sex drive she had left.
You need to end things, respectfully. She needs to find someone with a similar libido as she has and you need to do the same. However, I think you need to work on your own attitude first.
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (2 October 2017):
OP it sounds like you are both having the exact same issue. You are annoyed when she rejects you, and she is annoyed when you reject her. It just sounds like neither of you want to back down or 'lose' so you're stuck in this stalemate.
When reading your post(s), you sound like you can't stand this woman and all you actually want is someone to tell you that you're right and she's the bad one in all of this. When in fact, there are always two sides to every story.
My main question to you is this. If she's that awful, why are you still with her? You do have a choice you know. Why not just leave and find someone else instead of angrily blaming her for all the problems you two have? I'm wondering if part of this tirade is embarrassment about not being able to perform the way you would have liked? Because you spend a long time complaining about the lack of sex, yet seem equally mad when she offers it because you 'weren't expecting it'. Can you put yourself in her shoes and see how that might be a little confusing? Does it register with you that she might be making an effort to give you what you say you want (sex) but instead of recognising the gesture you are still looking for reasons to rip her apart?
I agree that it does sound like you might be the same poster we had a few days ago that was complaining that his gf didn't want sex or to get drunk as much as he does. And if so, it sounds like she's making an effort to give you what you wanted but it's not making a difference because you're still so bogged down in anger and resentment from previous rejections. At this stage I'm not sure she could do anything that you wouldn't find fault with. And if that's the case, your relationship is in serious trouble.
You're also still speaking in transactional terms. You complain that you 'lick her ass' (which I have taken to mean suck up to her?) but don't get what you want in return. As if its somehow owed. But that's not how relationships work! If you are not getting what you need and the other person seems unable/unwilling to deliver, you move on. You don't stay and punish them for failing to live up to the standards you set for them. You wouldn't like it if she shamed you for wanting sex and to get drunk, so don't do it in the reverse.
So in my view you have a choice to make. You can either drop the resentment and actually start working on fixing this relationship, rather than wallowing in the 'poor me my gf is so evil even though I do everything for her' narrative you have going on at the moment. And actually try to get back on the same side where you both want to give sex/love/affection/whatever to the other because you love each other, not for what it will get you in return. Or you cut your losses and find someone else. Your move OP.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (2 October 2017):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-am-i-stuck-with-the-girl-that.html
Im pretty sure this is you and you didn't like the answers you received so you're posting again hoping for different.
Look, you guys aren't sexually compatible. Are you going to continue like this forever? Or break up and find someone that you match with?
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (2 October 2017):
 Clearly, you're not compatible. It's been four years and more and you're not happy. You even say "she is not worth talking to". I don't know what you can do to be honest. If you've tried talking and it hasn't changed and even when she makes an effort to want it your body doesn't, what do you expect to be able to do? I can understand why you rejecting sex would upset her, especially if she doesn't naturally want it often but is making more of an effort. That doesn't make it okay to punish you for it.
You are on holiday and she shouldn't be controlling your behaviour. If you want to listen to music, encourage her to read a book. And I think people do use the bathroom as an excuse to get away for five/ten minutes but there's a reason people feel they need to find that space.
I don't really see a happy ending for you in this. You're not happy and you don't even sound like you like this person. People change over the years. You talk about how other people are having fun and you're not.
Tell her how you're feeling and if you can't reach a resolution well.. That's your answer. I wouldn't break up on holiday though.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2017): Is English your second-language? Your posts are just a bit incoherent. The moderator explains there are three posts combined into one; but none of them are really intelligible.
I'll do my best. Does she do drugs or a lot of drinking? It appears neither of you can synchronize your mood for sex.
She seems to prefer it in the morning. You seem to carry a grudge when you get rejected. When your relationship is drifting apart, intimacy starts to disintegrate. I think you have difficulty expressing yourself, and you confuse her.
Guys may pretend they are always "ready" to get-down, for the sake of argument; but they aren't always ready to have sex on the spot, or immediately on demand. You and your girlfriend have too many petty arguments; and you don't know how to put your disagreements aside to just have fun.
Your girlfriend seems to be all over the place and messing with your head. She's mad at you, but just leaves it up to you to figure-out why. Which is a dumb thing to do. You don't get anywhere. You're really in-trouble, when you fight while on holiday!
If you two do a lot of drugs; I think that is part of your problem. I also think she is purposely being contrary; because I don't think either of you know how to communicate effectively or as mature-adults.
Try a little romance. Be affectionate and sweet to her. If that doesn't work, maybe your relationship has finally run its course. You're always irritated with each other from what I can tell. If she has been hinting at marriage, and you're oblivious. She's doing her best to be a headache.
You can't be a mind-reader; but if you want sex, you'll have to wait until she's in the mood. If you're just pissed-off with her from the last-time she rejected you; you'll constantly go around and around in circles pissing each other off.
To put it bluntly, neither of you make any sense. You really have some other issues in your relationship; but it seems sex is used to frustrate and punish each other. When a relationship comes to the point that you can't talk to each other; it isn't likely there will be much intimacy available either. You say up, and she says down. Just to disagree.
Honestly, it just seems there is a problem with either too much drinking or drugs; or the combination. I think your relationships has hit an impasse, and you can't fix it.
I'm not sure how it has lasted nearly five years; but maybe you've come to the point that you can't take it any further.
I don't mean to offend you if you just have a little trouble with English. Your sentence-structure and grammar is very difficult to navigate.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (2 October 2017):
 All I can think of is, why are you with her ? Everything you listed have been cons, there are no pros. After 4 to 5 five years and youre not happy, time to call it off and enjoy single life for a while. Then you can focus on finding someone you are sexually, mentally, and emotionally compatible with. Good luck
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