A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been exclusive with this guy for the last few weeks, its going OK but I get really jealous when he flirts with his employees (he runs a v popular Indian restaurant and has a lot of really pretty Indian girls working there).He moans at me about how "dumb" the girls who work there are and how non hard working they are compared to him, who set up the restaurant 5 years ago (he's 31 and I am in my 20's). I thought it was odd how much he grumbles about them and how much he seems to dislike them. I really didnt know why he kept banging on about them.But anyway I have been around the restaurant a few times before they open etc. to meet him and the way he talks to them is making me very uncomfortable. One time I was with my gay friend and even he thought it was weird. He doesn't seem to dislike them at all, in fact he is very flirty (he talks to guys and older women differently for sure, including his other employees), makes them giggle and bat their eyelashes, even his body language is just too full on. He is a good looking guy but he doesnt have to behave this way?Should I call it quits bc ngl this is making me disgusted and I deserve better. Yes I have spoken to him he says hes just being nice. But I know he would be mad if I spoke to guys at my office like that! Also, I know he's not dating THEM but he's nicer to their faces than he is to me sometimes, he's sometimes really sarcastic to me and again he says he is just trying to be funny.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2017): Male flirt, here.
Looking at only the flirting- don't think too much into it, unless you have reason to do so. If you know he's the kindof guy to be with a woman for a short time and have a replacement lined up, then you can be confident that will happen again. If he's known to have cheated, then you know he's high risk.
But, not all flirting means those things. I'm a flirt and like to do it with all girls, but I have no intention of going astray. It's just something I do. So, flirting alone, don't judge him without knowing that he's potentially untrustworthy.
Now- all the other stuff you say about him sounds a bit murky. It's for those reasons I'd think about the whole thing, as the other posters here have suggested.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 October 2017):
 Yeah follow your gut instinct and let him go. He may give out about them to you, but that just says that they are on his mind and that he has a wandering eye. You deserve better.
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (3 October 2017):
RED FLAG HERE.
He is saying those girls are dumb just to not make you jealous of them. It doesn't matter how good looking he is: if he is in a serious relationship with you, he should not be flirting around any other girls. It's basic relationship etiquette .
Talk to him seriously, tell him how you feel about this, and ask him to stop, and ask him how would he feel if you were treating the dudes on your work just like he treads those girls.
If he is unable to make that change, then you should move on and find a guy that respects you.
Best luck!
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A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (2 October 2017):
 Drop him like a hot potato ! Once a flirt, always a flirt ! You will never be happy. I had a boyfriend like this when I was young and I used to get very upset. Now, 40 years later, he's still exactly the same ! I'm happy to say that my life moved on from him when I was young and that's what you should do - move on !
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2017): It's been only five weeks and you're already pretty irritated with the guy.
I think it might be best to let him go. It doesn't seem the chemistry is there; and his behavior is inconsistent with his words. Like he really likes flirting with the other girls, but he's trying to throw you off about it.
There's just too much discomfort there for you to build anything on. You don't seem to trust him, and he's sarcastic.
Sarcasm isn't good when you're trying to make a romantic-connection.
I say, thumbs-down! Let him walk!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (2 October 2017):
 Just a side note, what does your friend being gay have anything to do with what happened? It was unnecessary to mention his sexuality :)
Anyway, this guy is incredibly rude about his female employees and it's not okay. It shows you can't trust him not to bitch behind anyone's back, including yours!
I think the flirting is the least of your worries, but you should dump him asap.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (2 October 2017):
His actions make more wonder what he says about you to his employees after you leave the restaurant, or what he says to other girls about this current girl he is dating (you), or what he tells his guy friends about you, or......
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 October 2017):
 Yeah, I'd let him go.
He sounds like a crappy boss and not a great guy either. He might think he is just OH SO charming, but he is kinda icky... These are young girls who WORK for him. While banter is normal in many workplaces, flirting with all the young ones while almost simultaneously talking smack about them? Kind of gross.
I'd find someone who isn't so busy being "charming" to every skirt he sees.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (1 October 2017):
 You say: "Should I call it quits bc ngl this is making me disgusted and I deserve better".
Well I say I think you are right. For one thing, if he runs a restaurant, he will be working when everyone else is having time off - you for example. It is going to be difficult to have a social life isn't it?
It also sounds from what you say as if he doesn't respect women (his staff) so he won't respect you either when it comes down to it.
He doesn't sound like a great catch to me. Sorry but this is one to give a wide berth to in my opinion.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2017): I think he is a womanizer and has a roaving eye.Talk about easy pickings right on his door step! :(It's just a matter of time.He is throwing hooks out.And trust me, if one of them bit, he would be having sex with her. And I doubt he would ever stop at one.Your gut is telling you something about this guy. Like he's behaving inappropriately. This is why your spider senses are tingling and you are feeling so uneasy and worried.You deep down know the truth.It's so early on too so nothing is lost, nothing is invested in this relationship.I'd leave him now.What is the sense in waiting around for him to cheat?It destroys your inner peace, self worth and happiness. And the misery you project - because of his actions - will only cause tension between you, driving him away, anyway.Leave him to sample the Indian menu.You, on the other hand, don't need food poisoning from the crap he's dishing out!!Time to sample other menu's!!!Have fun!!!
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