A
female
age
41-50,
*ohnnyangel
writes:Have been told by strangers, friends and family that my boyfriend of twenty years has bragged about cheating on me every chance he gets when he's working out of town. He actually butt dialed me during one of his bragging sessions to a friend and I heard him tell him he cheats all the time!! I asked him every time I hear a another story if it's true, and he says he never cheated on me every!! Who should I believe? He also talks to an ex girlfriend on Facebook or phone calls.its killing me!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 October 2017):
 You heard him telling his friend he cheats on you, numerous people have told you he cheats on you, he has not made a commitment to you after 20 years and yet you are still questioning his loyalty?
My heart really does go out to you to have wasted such a long time on a man who treats you like this. I really do hope you can find the confidence and the strength to walk away from him.
A
female
reader, 02DuszJ  +, writes (3 October 2017):
 What do you expect any of us to say? That he's not cheating?? You can add another 20 of DC aunts to the list voting he's a cheat. It's BLACK AND WHITE in front of you. MAYBE AFTER 20 YEARS OF BEING "UNMARRIED" THERE'S A REASON HE DOESN'T WANT TO MARRY YOU- Because he's a piece of shit that strings along any poor lass that LETS HIM. YOU'RE LETTING HIM
YES HE'S CHEATING. NO HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU: YOU DON'T LOVE YOURSELF OR YOU WOULD NOT LET HIM USE YOU AS A TRASHCAN FOR TWENTY YEARS.
GET HELP- GET THERAPY, because no woman should have this little self respect or self worth.
You are not blind or stupid. You know everything we're saying to you is true. You either need to 1. FIND the strength and chuck all your denial out. That means CUTTING YOUR LOSSES and vowing not to waste another minute of your time with this guy- most importantly getting counselling
The other choice is stay with him and live in misery, until you're too old and frail to live any sort of life, with any man. You'll also be a miserable shell of existence
Sorry for the harsh words but you need to hear it. Good luck
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (3 October 2017):
 If I were you, I'd believe what I hear because if you've accidentally heard it from the horses mouth and still choose not to believe it then I'm sorry but you're doing yourself a huge disservice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2017): You got me at his being your damned "boyfriend" for TWENTY YEARS!!!! Whaaaat??? That's hard to believe!!!
Is there no "common-law marriage" statute in your state?
Believe everybody! You're in denial.
Soooooo....what are you going to do about it?
I know what I'd do. I'd kick his "forever-a-boyfriend" ass to the curb. Go get a complete make-over, and move on. I'd have the house fumigated to remove his smell, toss every knick-knack or artifact that reminds me of him out in the trash.
I'd have my head examined for keeping some dude as a boyfriend for 20 years!
I might also go to a hypnotherapist to have all memory of him erased.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2017): "Who should I believe?"
Either the people in your life who love you and are genuinely concerned about you OR the scumbag whom you know first hand brags about f*cking other women behind your back and has very likely been doing so while stringing you along for the past twenty years.
Tough decision, I know.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (3 October 2017):
There is an old joke goes something like this, A woman comes home and finds her husband in bed with another woman. As She starts to yell at them they both get up and calmly get dressed and the woman walks out. The husband sits down to read the paper. The wife is shocked for a moment The she says to the husband "Don't you have anything to say?" "About what?""About that woman who you were just with.""There was no woman here,""I saw you with my own two eye.""Woman who are you going to believe me or your lying eyes"You are that wife. Your friends and family have told you he brags about cheating on you. You heard him bragging about cheating on you. He lies to you And you're asking who to believe? Do you have so little self respect that you're looking for reasons to stay with a man who has so little regard for you that he openly boast to your friends and family that he cheats on you?That is so sad.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 October 2017):
 OK, OP
What would you do if he did admit it? What difference would it make?
My guess? none.
This is just a thing you two occasionally argue over but nothing is DONE about it. You accuse, he denies. Seems more like a game. A game where you BOTH ignore the fact that he is cheating. As he sees it, he comes home to you and "stick" to you as the "main chick" so it shouldn't matter how many other women he screws.
Let's say he DID cheat and did it a lot... what then? Would you leave? Would you have to SEE it to believe it?
Why do you think family and friends have told you this? To cause drama or to try and WAKE you up and see reality? The reality that you are with a cheating man.
He is not going to admit it because that means you BOTH would have to do something about it. and he knows after 20 years of experience with you that you will accuse but ultimately suck it up.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (2 October 2017):
 For Pete's sake, WAKE UP!
Others have told you he brags about cheating and you've even heard him yourself. So what the hell do you need him to say??
Act as though he's indeed cheating and toss him to curb.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (2 October 2017):
 Why would he own up to it?
How much more proof do you need than hearing it come out of his own mouth? And you've been dating for 20 years?
Come on, this relationship sounds ridiculous.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (2 October 2017):
 Who should you believe?
Why wouldn't you believe family and friends? Are they in the habit of lying to you? And you say you heard your boyfriend himself bragging of cheating when he accidentally phoned you.
But nooooooo
Don't believe any of that because of course everytime (EVERYTIME I MEAN HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU ASKED HIM?) you ask him he says no, he's not cheating.
He's cheating, you know he's cheating, your family and friends know he's cheating so what are you going to do about it?
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (2 October 2017):
I think he's given you all the evidence you need to be reasonably sure that he's cheating. If, on the off chance he's just making up stories and telling everyone he's cheating for the fun of it, than he's a giant asshole anyways and you should move on. I know 20 years is a long time but the combination of him cheating AND the lack of respect he shows by bragging to everyone about it should be a deal breaker.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (2 October 2017):
 "my boyfriend of twenty years"
You are joking right? 20 years and he has not proposed to you after five years?
You are keeping him around because????? What is going to be your next post....My boyfriend of 40 years has not proposed to me.
My dear...If any man does not want to move to the next step in your relationship after 5 years...He has out lived his usefulness.
Since you are keeping the wrong guy in your life for 15 years...how do you expect the right guy to come along?
YOU are the one that is killing you. No one else. Because none of this can happen unless YOU allow it to happen.
You should be bragging about how you got rid of the wrong in your life to make room for the right guy.
YOU know what needs to happen...No matter how much it hurts, or how lonely you think you will be...You know what needs to be done.
Don't wait another 20 years.
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A
female
reader, holeymoley +, writes (2 October 2017):
 Unless there is some conspiracy against this man of yours -sure give him the benefit of the doubt. But really, come on....can so many people have it so wrong, including his butt? Your making a bigger fool of yourself than he, don't do it to yourself. Time to love yourself
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