A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:If all men supposedly view porn (which seems to be the consensus on this site) and it is supposed to give you hints and tips to spice up your sex life (isn't this what all guys say), then why is it the majority of men are crap in bed. This was a poll taken by me asking all my female friends/colleagues who were all in agreement, they could barely count on one hand (particularly the older colleagues who have had many partners), as to how many men really knew how to rock their world, if you get my drift. WHY, WHY, WHY - the statistics just don't add up - whose fooling who about a need to watch porn??
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): I love satindesire's answer. Her 3rd paragraph had me laughing. She is right guys. If half your face isn't wet after giving her oral then you aren't into it enough.
I watch porn, my first wife and I watched porn and my current wife of 23 years and I watch porn. We have learned very few things from porn, if any at all. We watch porn because it is a turn-on. Men are not going to learn how to properly give a woman oral because there is very little of that in porn. There is also very little foreplay and essentially no affection and cuddling. We watch it because it is fun to watch. My wife gets turned on by the woman in porn giving the guy oral because she likes to do that. I wish there were more men giving women oral in porn because I like to do that. Some of the amateur stuff is much better than the professional stuff because it is sometimes a little more realistic.
So most guys are bad in bed. That is probably true, but most women are also bad in bed. It is the responsibility of both the man and the woman to tell the other what makes them feel good and what they like. It is impossible for a man to know what any particular woman likes because different women like different things. My wife and another woman loved the way that I did oral and had great orgasms, but it did essentially nothing for 2 other women. Of the 5 women who I have slept with in my life, the 2 best by far were the 2 who told me what to do to make them feel good. How am I supposed to know that licking my wife's ear while screwing her in the missionary position is the only way that she can easily have an orgasm with intercourse if she doesn't tell me. I did some things without them telling me to, but they told me about other things that they liked. Believe me, men don't have a monopoly on being bad in bed.
My wife has had a couple of really good lovers, a few OK ones, a couple of bad ones and 1 really bad one. I've had less than her, but my experience is about the same.
While I do believe that it is mostly the responsibility of the man to get the woman into the mood and get her aroused, it is also the responsibility of the woman to get into the sex and at least not just lie there. Push the guy down on his back and jump on him occasionally. What is great about a woman who just lies there with her legs just flat on the mattress and never moves? She might as well read the paper while she is at it. I don't care how good the man is, neither of them are going to enjoy the sex. Don't blame the guy for this.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): Watching porn has nothing to do with your skill in sex. Watching an amazing driver drive doesn't make you an amazing driver, just like watching an amazing baseball player hit a home run doesn't make you good at baseball. Therefore, watching porn doesn't make you better at sex. But I would like to believe it gives people a better idea of how to have sex, but it's still ridiculous to say that most guys should be good at sex because they all watch porn.
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reader, kelly44221  +, writes (19 June 2009):
 ok i have an answer for you. i have always had to tell them what i wanted them to do to me or for me. it really annoys me sometimes infact sometimes it turns me totally off. in very very rare instances i have had maybe one person who somehow knew exactly what it was that i wanted and did it wonderfully. they want an excuse to watch porn and i think they can watch it 24/7 and if you suck in bed then you suck in bed...lol
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reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (18 June 2009):
 In future then if you want a debate not help, please post in the FORUMS not the help page.
The first time I replied was an answer to your false problem, the second was a reply to you once the truth came out and this time as you have directly addressed me, I feel I have the right to reply!
Maybe before you post a question next time you should proof read it to make sure you are actually asking what you want to know rather than baiting people into a debate, there are plenty of forums out there for debates, but Dear Cupid is for help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): Sorry Army Medic, but I don't think opening a debate for discussion is a waste of time - you've lost me there. It's you who have answered twice on this subject so clearly you appear to be wasting your own time - can't blame me for that one!! And, it was a valid question considering I have seen so many responses on here that say "men use porn for hints and tips" - as I've said, I am trying to dispense with the myths that permeate this site. If you don't want your time wasted, then don't go on this site - simple really!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): Army Medic, you are so right. lots of positive energy wasted. although my other post was rejected i did say now that there is concrete proof of men not satisfying (like in porn) maybe the aunts could put a manual together. do/don'ts in bed. some refresher training? (lol) .double damn.
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reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (17 June 2009):
So your original post was just baiting our aunts here? Well thanks for wasting our time!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): original poster here. It's merely a question I wanted answering as the consensus on this site is that "all men view porn" and it is used for "hints and tips" - well, we've dispensed with that myth. Funnily enough, my partner who I am currently with, is awesome in bed. I didn't have to teach him anything, it was all there. Perhaps it was past lovers that taught him but he's a sensitive guy and seems to instinctively know the level of touch and where to go. He naturally knows, without me telling him, what I want. In fact, I am in my forties and I am having the best sex of my life. Some times, thinking of past partners, they perhaps had the technique but not the finesse. It's very hard to say to someone "ow, that's the spot but you are a bit clumsy, touch too hard etc"!! By that point, the moment has gone (mentally) and you label them as "not very good". There are a few lucky ones of us who have found a partner who "naturally" knows what to do and I know I am such a lucky girl
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reader, The Gentle Man +, writes (16 June 2009):
 First thing, you took a poll on men being bad in bed but asked heterosexual women. How many people do you know that would freely say "im rubbish in bed" ?
1. It could be the woman thats bad in bed
2. Women won't tell a guy hes bad in bed, so tbh they get what they deserve. If you put up with it, what do you want your guy to do ?
Yes, Male pride can be devastated by hearing "you suck in bed" or "your penis is too small". But if you have a real connection, communication and wording is the key.
Personally, I'd rather be told that things arent that great but then she shows me how to rock her world.
As for porn, a small amount of porn could be helpful in the idea area. But generally speaking its all just unrealistic and used for sexual relief, nothing else.
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reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (16 June 2009):
 Why do so few women CORRECT men in bed. I know women love to play "well if you don't know what is wrong, I am certainly not going to tell you" but then get a vibrator and some long lasting batteries for your pleasure.
Most porn, especially the typical guy porn is NOT about sex tips. Unless women really get of on a blowjob, 30 seconds vaginal intercourse, couple of minutes of dry anal, ended with guy beating of on her face. Any girls here like that? Didn't think so, trust me, been looking for 40 years for a girl like that.
Women want something different, but how are we supposed to find out? Some of us read the romance novels, or get lucky with a gf who tells or find out some other way. The easiest way would be if the girl TELLS the guy, but girls who spread their legs for a breezer never the less wouldn't give any advice on sex.
If the majority of men you been with have been bad, then you slept with a lot of men and failed to teach any of them anything. What does that say about you?
Unable to get a man to satisfy you, now that is what I call being bad in bed. Ain't it amazing, decades since the sexual revolution and we still are afraid to tell our partner what feels good.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): ive had two previous sexual partners who have watched porn, and to be honest they were terrible in bed! whereas the guy im with now, thinks porn is pointless, i have to say is might fine in the bedrooom! ;) bazaar eyy?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): Because most men don't realize that sex for women is a very emotional thing. Please the mind and the body will follow.
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reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (16 June 2009):
You've never watched porn have you? It's totally unrealistic and any lover who tries to "act out" porn scenes is more likely just to make his partner uncomfortable. Porn is not there to improve a mans performance in anyway, it's about visual stimulation of things a guy should never do to his wife!
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reader, Rogerramjet  +, writes (16 June 2009):
Eh, i don't know anyone who watches porn for tips...Getting "good" at sex takes practice and experimentation. I was lucky enough, back when i was 18, to hook up with a girl who was more then willing to put the time in...We spent literally hours and hours a day in bed together, fully exploring each other. This experimentation teaches you as much about yourself and your abilities as it does about what your partner wants.Communicating what it is you want can help at first, but i've always found that people who try to tell me what they want eventually discover that they REALLY don't know what they want at all. Every coupling presents a different situation with different variables.My current partner used to ask me to do her from behind all the time, claiming that's what she loved but over time she learned that there were OTHER things that i could do for her that were better... Practice and experiment with your partner to find what works for you both!
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reader, betty_black +, writes (16 June 2009):
 You have to get involved with the act as well and tell him what you want. He cant be expected to just tell.
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reader, DKW +, writes (16 June 2009):
Do you look like a porn star? No? Then why do you expect men to give you porn star sex? The majority of men look at porn for their own private pleasure, not for tips and advice.
Sex is a two way thing, you need that "vibe" to click together, which I'm afraid to say doesnt happen all the time. Too many men are all about the conquest, they want to chat you up, get you back to theirs or yours, and have you. They are not interested in trying to unlock your desires or linger over amazing sensations. Plus - the extra confidence they gain from each conquest spurs them on to move straight on to the next girl, in their never ending quest for their ultimate partner.
Hope thats given you some insight into the average guy about town's mentality, but dont despair, we're not all like that, some of us actually like sex for what it is!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): The only explanation I can give is that all these women you've surveyed had menfolk who used porn as an instruction manual, which it isn't, and I'm quite sure that 'all guys' don't pick up any useful hints or tips from it. Either that or those women just lie there like a sack of potatoes and are not getting involved very much. It takes two to tango! To most men, porn is no more or less than simple titillation. It's all an act after all. I don't know of any woman who repeatedly says "Oh yeah!" throughout the sex act or who looks forward to having her face sprayed with bodily fluids at the end of it.
I wonder how many of the menfolk of your survey group would say their women are also crap in bed? Just a thought.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): Watching porn doesn't make you good in bed any more than watching football makes you a great football player.
Everyone woman is different, every woman wants different things in bed. If you want a guy to do the things you like, you have to tell him or show what you like. He can't read your mind, you know. For example, if he doesn't know where your clitoris is, show him. If you don't communicate what you want, you won't get it, simple as that.
Now, if you aren't sure exactly what you like in bed, he won't know either. So tell him that and play around a little.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): Because the "need" to watch pornography is sexual revolution propaganda. Pornography is there for one reason and one reason only: to destroy the family as a basic unit of human society. In our pornographic culture, pregnancy is treated as an abomination, women are pneumatic sex objects, and men are haunted by impossible images of unlimited potency (which ironically kills their performance in bed). Family? Forget it. That is the aspiration of all totalitarian societies, and that's why the sexual revolution is an essential step towards the revival of fascism in the Western world.Marriage is the bedrock of civilization. After marriage, the deluge.
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reader, deejuliet +, writes (16 June 2009):
 First off, porn is very unrealistic about what is good and what is fun and how much people enjoy differant things. These are paid actors pretending to like stuff even if they hate it or are bored silly.
Second off, men watch porn to 1.get turned on and 2.to get tips as to what the WOMAN should do to please them, not because they want tips on how to please a woman. Pretty selfish, eh?
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reader, Ms.Helper +, writes (16 June 2009):
 Porn's just an excuse to cover up because to be frank I think they're embarressed.
They watch porn and still they're not good in bed. They're obviously watching it for other reasons in my opinion!
x
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