A
female
age
30-35,
*onfused265
writes:For the longest time i have been fearful of the art of driving. as a teen i was never excited to get my drivers licensee like everyone else. I have always been baffled how people could go through life driving and ultimately putting there lives in danger. plus driving is just so stressful, at least for me. I have anxiety problems you see, which in result makes me become very nervous in certain situations. every time i would be behind the wheel i would sweat, paint and could not concentrate on the task at hand. a few years ago i made the choice not to drive for the sake of my mental health. its not that i cant drive, its just that i find the task to stressful to endure everyday. i took drivers Edd and passed with an A plus, i passed my permit test on the first try, but ultimately i had not the courage to get my full license. i have never tested well and i dont do well under pressure. everyone seems to be on my case all the time because i dont drive. they view me as odd or even immature because i choose to be dependent on others to take me places, even though im completely independent when it comes to all other aspects of my life. i make a good amount of money doing a job that is right next to where i live, and the college that i plane on going to in the future is in a small community where everything is within walking distance. now sure i cant go out when ever i want, sure i have to rely on others to take me shopping and out to eat, but there happy to do it, its strangers that i meet and a few of my friends who cant seem to understand my reasons for not driving. sometimes i feel so low because society social standards is against people who are different like me. sometimes i feel like i will never be able to find someone who understands my situation and accepts my choice not to drive. sometimes i feel like i will never be able to find a loving partner who accepts my flaws. i have made a effort to get through life without having to learn and so far i have been successful, but in turn i feel so isolated, not because i cant drive but because no one seems to understand why i cant. i absolutely hate cars for this reason. hate them! people tend to care about things that in the long run dont matter. everyone's always saying"why cant you drive? when will you start driving again? your going to die alone!" i hate those comments and they hurt me deeply. how can i make people understand? is it possible to live a life free of driving and be happy? i live in a very rule area as well. what should i do about my problem?
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (27 May 2012):
In the country where I originally came from (which is not the US) streets are really narrow and packed with vehicles. Parking spaces are so small SUV's are basically non existent there because they take up too much room. That's where I learned to drive and it scared me shitless. I would get out of the car with muscle cramps because I'd been sitting so rigid. I got my driver's licence regardless (which was a figgin' miracle if you ask me). Luckily for me, public transportation networks are really good, so choosing not to drive wasn't a problem.
Then I went to the US. Well, a different story altogether. Where buses and trains in my country traveled regularly, everywhere, and on time, here they sometimes only went once or twice a day. People are right when they say you have to depend on others to get around. After doing that for a while much to the chagrin of others, I decided I had to bite the bullet. Luckily, everything is bigger here. You can basically land a jumbo yet in the parking spaces. Still scared me a lot initially, but I simply played chauffeur for a lot of friends (I asked them to, part of compensating for them having to drive me around, part so I wouldn't be alone). That helped a lot.
So my advice would be to face your fears. Not driving in the US simply isn't an option unless you live in a big city and get around by bike (which can be quite dangerous too). People probably wouldn't mind driving you around if you had a physical disability preventing you from driving, but simply being afraid usually doesn't get their sympathy, as you have experienced. Not driving limits your independence and mobility. Which is a shame since you seem to be doing so well on all other fronts. So bite the bullet like I did. Talk to a mental health professional if you have to.
This issue needs to be tackled from head on. You have to ask yourself what exactly makes you so afraid and deal with those reasons one by one. Once you have, you may find it improves other aspects of your life as well.
Good luck OP!
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (27 May 2012):
 Right, but that's not the point. You have a phobia. It is one thing to not drive because there are better alternatives. It is another to not drive because you have a phobia of it. You really need to speak to a mental health professional to help overcome this. After you've overcome it, then it's perfectly to decide not to drive anywhere. But you don't want fear to dictate any part of your life.
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female
reader, confused265 +, writes (26 May 2012):
confused265 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust to restate what i said earlier, i can drive if i really had to get some where or take someone somewhere, i know the basic skill. i just dont have my license and dont want to drive somewhere ever day, that's way too stressful for me!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 May 2012):
 The American society is build up around the car. That's why people are getting on your back about it. Because you are dependent on a car, and the ability to drive it, when you live in a society built around the car. People don't take buses, or walk. They drive. Bus-systems are nonexistent, or flawed, or rare, except for in the larger cities. I suggest you move to a city where you will not be so dependent on a car. Besides, people could be getting on your back because they're tired of being your chauffeur. Maybe it's time to start riding the cab? You can't keep living in a rural area unless you intend to get yourself some form of transportation that you can go on by yourself without always needing someone else. Maybe ride a bike? Maybe you just need a bigger car to feel more safe and secure about driving? Maybe you should just move to a city instead and this wont be a problem any longer.
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female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (26 May 2012):
 I'm like you. I hate driving too, and it scares me, to be honest!
But I think the reason why it's so important nowadays is because that's the only way we can get around!
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female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (26 May 2012):
 I know that driving is a big issue in Western countries probably because of the lack of adequate and cheap public transport or because of a more developed consumer culture. It's not an issue here. I don't drive. I take public transport. Nothing wrong with that at all. I don't like driving because it's stressful owing to horrific traffick congestion. I also tend to get nervous in the face of oncoming traffic. More importantly, it's more environment friendly to use public transport than to own a car. Whenever anyone questions you about this, make it clear that this topic is not open to discussion or debate. Tell them firmly but politely that you don't like driving and that's all there is to it and you don't want to hear their concerned comments. Once you make it clear that you don't want to discuss it or aren't receptive to people making such remarks, they'll get the hint. Don't get defensive. You're not abnormal. Just state your preferences and be firm about them.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (26 May 2012):
 Here's my thought - you seem to be rationalizing this by saying that putting yourself behind the wheel of the car and endangering your life by driving is the reason you don't want to drive.
Who is most likely to protect themselves from harm? YOU ARE. You are putting your life and safety into the hands of others! That's probably more dangerous than being able to rely on yourself for protection!
I think that if you bike or walk often, that's very eco-friendly, and there's nothing wrong with that. But you need to know how to drive for safety reasons. What if you're hanging out with a friend in a place that doesn't get reception and they have some sort of medical emergency and need to get to a hospital? What if you're out and somebody gets completely drunk, no taxis are available and you need to take the wheel? If you live in a very rural area, I suspect that there's not a ton of taxis and probably a bunch of receptionless voids.
You don't have to drive much. But you should know this basic life skill, you should know how to drive. There have been many times in my life where driving was an essential and life-saving skill.
This anxiety is a separate matter all together. Seems that you have a panic attack when you get behind the wheel. That's something that you should talk to somebody about... professional help could fix that anxiety and you could be free of it!
My best friend is like this too. She's 26 and still has no license - so much time has passed that it's turned into a phobia and it sucks. When her fiancé broke up with her, I drove 4 hours through a terrible thunderstorm to see her and be there for her. It was something she really cherished, and I loved being able to do. But when my husband, who lives 5,000 miles away, ended up in a horrible condition at the hospital, she couldn't come and be here for me when I needed her most. It's little things like that. When her sister went into labor, she couldn't drive her to the hospital, and the ambulance ended up stuck in an obscure part of town and it was two hours before it arrived. If she knew how to drive, she could have been at the hospital in twenty minutes. It's big things like that too.
People are not always going to be available to drive you around. That is a huge burden on them and their gas tanks. You should absolutely talk to somebody about the anxiety and learn how to drive. You don't have to go out, buy a car and joy ride all over town, but you should know how to drive yourself so that you can be totally independent if/when needed.
Good luck!
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 May 2012):
 Many people see that driving as a milestone being an adult. The people around you may not know your anxiety problems. They don't know if you are generally anxious all the time and they thought you are just scared of trying. I think they have a problem with you giving up without trying first. They think if you are scared of driving then there are many things you can't handle. You can make them understand by telling them you have agoraphobia, or general anxiety disorder. If you indeed have those it is advisable that you don't drive until there is some professional who can help you adjust. If your friends don't want to understand then they are not your real friends. Their comments were insensitive too. I don't think you will die alone. There are men who like to protect and be the driver, making them feel like men. You don't have to tell dates right away about your anxiety. Let them see your positive qualities first. Focus on the things you are proud of. At the end I still think you should get the test done. You would not get into an accident because the tester would not let you. After you pass the test, even if it took a few times, it doesn't mean you have to get a car right now and start driving every day.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 May 2012):
The problem isn't driving or other people here. You really need to speak to mental health professional because what you are describing is a phobia. This isn't a problem of getting other people to accept this, this is a problem of your phobia making you miserable (as almost all severe phobias do). You wouldn't be happier if you had some better excuse or way to talk to people about this, you'd be happier if you didn't have this phobia.
Reread your question, you are letting this phobia dictate your life. This was a factor in where you chose for college and a factor in where you chose to work. I know you're probably going to tell yourself that's not true, there are lots of reasons you picked these things, but be honest with yourself. Can you really tell yourself that this was not a factor? Because when you wrote this question, you had obviously been thinking about it. That's not healthy. You would certainly benefit from speaking with someone.
Most phobias stem from anxiety disorders and most phobias are curable with some work. While some people do recommend anti-anxiety medication, it's not a requirement and most people overcome their phobias without medication.
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