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36-40,
*pathyslastkiss
writes:Is anyone else here fed up - and worried for - all the under-aged girls who come here, desperate for answers about how to solve their problems with their boyfriend who is 10 years older than them? I mean, a lot of these girls are 15 years or younger!! Does that not disturb you? It makes me sad, and frightened. There are so many young girls having romantic relationships, and even SEXUAL relationships with men WAY older than them. This is blatant pedophilia - is there anything we can do about it? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): Apathyslastkiss, I believe the bluntness of DoubleM's words were not meant to be condescending. He was merely being realistic. Often, we should look at the content of the person's words, rather than the words themselves. This topic contains too many interpretations. "Victimization" is a mind frame not shared by everyone and personally, I believe it cannot be applied universally. Though I can see that some people wish to 'protect' younger people from the potentially hazardous results of having sex at a young age or engaging in some form of intimacy with someone older, it would be inaccurate to assume that ALL young people are victims and ALL older people are predators. If you integrate yourself into the many aspects of the lives of younger people, you may find that many of these younger people are not as 'victimized' as you may think. Furthermore, with legalities aside, the idea of pedophilia is too lopsided in belief. Do you measure a person's pedophilia tendencies through their physical age or through their mental maturity? Have you ever met an older person who's mind is as fresh as that of a teenager? Have you ever met a teenager who's mind is as solid as someone whom has gone through life already?Please know that I am not for or against this topic. I am only offering both sides of the coin. Aside from legalities, I wish to give everyone a broader scope on this topic. This topic is for discussion. I would not think that it's a topic to encourage or discourage sex for younger people. Our words can only influence them if they wish to be influenced.
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reader, apathyslastkiss +, writes (3 April 2009):
apathyslastkiss is verified as being by the original poster of the question DoubleM, there’s no need for you to be such a condescending, pompous jerk. Save your high and mighty comments for yourself, and don’t waste time trying to correct insignificant spelling errors. Frank_B_Kermit and a_decent_1, your answers were some of the most thoughtful, thanks. As for those who think it’s alright for young teenagers to have all the sex they want and to “follow their hearts,” I think your sense of morality and goodness is seriously inept, and you need to reconsider what is right and wrong in life. Just because people are curious, or a government lowers the legal age to have consensual sex, does NOT mean that the following sexual activity is alright.
Also, to godireallyneedhelp, and a couple of anonymous posters, I’m not the enemy here, and my question was posted out of a genuine concern for these young people; NOT out of a disgust for them, but for their sexual victimization, and the almost inevitable life of sexual-emotional-relational struggle which will follow as a result of their poor choices in life at such early ages. I am trying to help, and was merely bringing this concern out for discussion – there’s no need to try and attack me. Relax! And instead of lashing out at me, calm down and try and thin of ways to help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): Teenagers are being fed more lies than ever. I blame the media: movies, t.v., graphic music...
There's so much hype and teens feel left out if they don't give in. Why doesn't the media balance it out with REALITY T.V. on kids thoughts AFTER sex. It will be sad for sure. I hear ALOT "I wish I would've waited"
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): they come on here for help advice and support. maybe thats what you should give them
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reader, Anonny  +, writes (14 December 2008):
I worry about all the STDs that are getting spread around by immature and inexperienced people!! - But its not just the teenagers - its the adults too that seem promiscuous!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008): We fill teenage girls heads with the idea that their attractions to grown men are because of their "maturity" and then we wonder why they think they should actually act on them.
Meanwhile, we also fill grown mens (and womens) heads with the idea that no normal "mature" man is physically attracted to a younger girl. And then we wonder why practically every man on earth seems prone to these "deviant" feelings. And why the only men that do anything about it are usually pretty shady.
Maybe if we called both genders feelings what they really are - just plain old stupid animal lust, not maturity or immaturity - then we would make some progress on teaching when it is or isn't good for people to act on it.
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reader, godireallyneedhelp +, writes (14 December 2008):
Yeah there is something you can do about it. Stop calling these kids disgusting and give encouraging advice!
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reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (14 December 2008):
 I just wanted to let you all in on a REVELATION....if we are the grown ups here trying to help and the poster is or turns out to be(not using ther correct age) an underage person......then where are the ADULTS that are supposed to be supervising this children?
I think sometimes they want to be heard more than anything. They need the attention and sometimes they really need the help. Let's hope that help gets to the right people in the right time.
There are many ways to look at things. WE should all look to be an example and do all we can to protect the innocent.
Thanks for reading.
Blue_Angel
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reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (14 December 2008):
OOOOPSSSSSSSS!! That was Pertaining to this situation and not her situation..one day I am going to learn to put some glasses on before I post this and proof read.
Blue_Angel
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reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (14 December 2008):
I informed someone just last week about the age limit being changed in the UK to 16. I think since the laws are indeed different in different places it's hard to place rules in some instances guiding the posts here. I do know that if this website is generated in the US then it would be guided by the laws governing here, I am not sure about the rest.
I know in some instances even a 13 year old may have enought knowledge or maturity to understand more than the general consensus. My granddaugter is very intellegent and has many adults to guide her. However I don't think she would be mature enough in most cases to make decisions pertaining to her situation.
When I make a post I do try to take into consideration the different ages here. I practice caution but hopefully I haven't overstepped any bounds. Some of the post I have
read were a bit too graphic or indepht in terminology about sex.
I have told some to follow the heart but other advise followed as well. The idea of following the heart is meant as when you follow your feelings which if you care for someone deeply your heart is always involved. However the other advise usually consists of reasoning, conditions, sitaution, status,age and other observation about the poster's problem.
I agree we must all must take things into consideration. Perhaps we can find a way to protect the younger crowd by having a special log in or something. Any suspected breach should be viewed and appropriate advice should be rendered only when the breach has been cleared.
I think this site has alot to offer and it's the internet so it reaches millions. There are many pediphiles out there. I have been online for over 11 years. A site like this can be a safe haven compared to some of the things I have seen and heard in different sites. Surely we can think of something to keep those with the voice of wisdom stately keeping the Voice Strong and as ONE.
It's hard to control all of the bad things that can happen as far as the internet is concerned but we owe it to our readers to make it as safe as possible for all concerned. Let's band together for ONE VOICE and GIVE our STRENGHTS to the MULTITUDE.
God Bless,
Blue Angel
^(**)^
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reader, saltwater +, writes (14 December 2008):
 Yeah, the education system could do a better job about teaching teens about self respect; the dangers of STI's; the dangers of dating older men/women; and teaching them the power to say no.
But in the UK it seems topics such as quadratic equations and vector graphs are more important to a teen than teaching about basic human self respect.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008): I dont believe some people here give advice that is consistence with the one they give their family members.then again we have 13 year olds giving advice,which is shocking because they dont even know what their talking about.i remember a thread weeks ago of a 15 year old asking if it was appropriate to have a sexual relationship with some overage guy, after some very good advice from experienced aunts a brainless 14 year old came and gave advice about following your heart and rubbish.but as of posting i believe they should as they are immature to make any good decision with their lives.believe me if any of this neverending pregnant girls where to be tested for stds the results will be shocking
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008): Mr Kermit has a point about paedophiles, and that's why it is always important to check back on answers given to teenagers. I have reported several very uncomfortable posts, that I felt might be adults.... yes it's uncomfortable, but on the Internet, there are tons of places where teenagers are in danger, and therefore it's should be the responsibility of every adult to be very careful in checking up on the young, where ever they may be.....
One of the worse cases of internet abuse I found, was caused by a online role playing game. Luckily the young girl came here for advice, and was encouraged and supported to go to the police. Dear Cupid is one of the better monitored sites on the internet, some places seem to have no monitoring at all.
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reader, DoubleM +, writes (14 December 2008):
 We are precisely trying to do something about what you call "blatant pedophilia" (your misspelling, not mine), but more so, the advisors here try to offer truth without prejudice in hope that honesty, candid answers and advice may at least impart some wisdom, and perhaps influence some better decisions among those who are underage. There is a real world out there and obviously, the advisors here cannot forcefully preempt bad decisions, but we sometimes invoke second thoughts that may actually deter misguided action. It has been documented.
Many who also visit this Web site for honest opinions and advice are NOT underage, but may also benefit from the experience of others, including peers. It is true that anyone may access all kinds of frank talk about sex here, and elsewhere, which some may consider adversely influential, "apathyslastkiss," but those who believe that censorship is in any way protective are simply dumb. Young adults and minors are going to hear about sex, and there has never been anything that will stop it. Here, at least, there are enough opinions that readers are most likely to find reality, and perhaps reach the best decisions for their life and well being.
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reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (14 December 2008):
 I think the admins of the site need to consult a lawyer on the topic of sex and children, and put some boundaries in place so that certain questions never get posted.
Sorry, but some of the advice given to under-aged people, whether or not you agree morally, might be illegal.
Age of consent laws are not blanket effect. This means that people under the age of majority MIGHT be able to have sex, but that there is a CONTEXT that needs to be in place. For example, "sex" may only be defined as penis-vagina intercourse, but anal sex would still be illegal depending on the age and CONTEXT. Oral sex has its own set of rules too.
Really, the issues that stem from this could have this site shut down, or at least investigated for pedophiles, if it has not already started.
I am glad someone brought this up. I only occasionally check this board, instead of post regularly anymore, and THIS is one of the reasons.
-Frank
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008): Stuff and bother.. the age of consent in Canada is now 16 as from the 1st May 2008.... UK laws on homosexuality have also changed and are now lowered from 18 to 16...
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008): Sorry another thing, is that this is an international site, and cultural standards and values must be considered. It's no point telling a 16 year old in the UK to wait, because they are legal and some of them already have a job and are doing no wrong. Check the age of consent for the person you are dealing with. The age of consent in Canada is 14 I think, so what is unnatural to you, may be very normal in the country they come from...
http://www.avert.org/aofconsent.htm
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008): Yes it scares me, that's why I'm on here, trying to convince them to wait and do their studying instead. There is no point in telling them off, they would be doing worse things I feel if Dear Cupid were not here to help... The amount of teenagers I heard from who are scared they are pregnant, I've had to put up information in my profile for help in the UK...
Then there are the one's who have caught a sexual disease... one lady with HIV/Aids comes to mind... it breaks my heart... where the hell are their parents and why can't they communicate with them, is what I have to ask...
I'm with you Blue Angel, here's contact details for teens in the UK.. I try hard not to judge, I give no advice about sex unless it's to say don't do it, or use a condom if you must. I don't often tell them to go to their parents, because I think they would have if they could. Some parents in the UK have very serious problems and their kids are often the most sensible adult in the house.
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The NHS in the UK run a FREE AND CONFIDENTIAL 24/7 telephone advice service. http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk. You can contact them on 0845 4647 if you need emergency advice on contraception and pregnancy. They have special services for teenagers in the UK and are able to provide advice and support. In case of an emergency there is a pill you can take as long as you hurry and get to a doctor within 72 hours.
Childline is a UK charity that can provide support on the telephone for all kinds of problems that children and teenagers face. ChildLine on 0800 1111. www.childline.org.uk
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reader, MutantKitten +, writes (14 December 2008):
 Oh come on. Some kids at 13 are sexually active. Some kids at 13 are completely innocent. It's ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY in every culture throughout human history. All you can do is encourage them to seek real answers and try to do the right thing. Some of them will, some of them will make mistakes (for which we should be understanding and supportive. Everyone's human.)We were all confused, curious, misinformed virgins once.Try to be understanding.
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reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (14 December 2008):
I always try to give advice with their best interest at heart. I always advise them to talk to a trusted adult and preferably their parents. I try to encourage them not to get involved in SEX, DRUGS or ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION until they are at least of age. This usually means 18-21.
I try telling them that it doesn't hurt to wait and it is ok to be a VIRGIN. I suggest that if they can't control their sexual urges to always use protection against STD's and pregnancy along with AID's and so forth. They are warned of dangers of all sorts and are advised againt practicing any gay activities or doing drugs and drinking until their minds are mature enought to cope with all of the pressures and problems that will come with these choices.
I have a 13 1/2 year old granddaughter and I have a daughter and son who I would give the same advices. It's a hard and unforgiving world sometimes and the effects of peer pressure is often the cause. Broken homes are also sources of the problems that often occur.
We can only give our experience and knowledge in hopes that we reach someone. If we have done our best and we reach only one at least it changes the course of their life. Then we have to pray that those whom we have shown will teach others by example. Make us Leaders of MEN...giving our lives to example and reaching out to save others from a harsh life.
I hope that my life will be a blessing and my posts here as well. We can all start doing more by watching and listening to the sights and sounds around us and interviening whenever we can. Sharing our knowledge and experieinces with truths and not fairy tales. Opening our hearts to the needs of others and showing real compassion for our fellow man. Being a friend to those who can't find friendship in the darkness, allowing them to follow by our GUIDING LIGHT.
Always caring, always trying to make this world a better place for everyone.
CRISIS INTERVENTION
(1)lifeline crisis intervention for trouble teens
http://www.teenlifelines.com
(2)helpline for parents and teens ages 12 to 25
http://www.answersforparents.com/crisis-intervention.html
(3)Email and call center,National safe place for youth and teens.Bulliton boards
http://www.1800runaway.org
(4) Crisis line/24 hours a day Mental Health Programs
http://www.miller-dwan.com/pmcrisis.htm
(5) Crisis assessment for Parents and Kids
http://www.troubledteens.com/toughlove.html
Phone 1-866-828-0178
There are many more place but I hope this will help to give our readers the help they may be seeking. Blessings from Angel to you and as always.......
God bless,
Blue_Angel
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reader, a_decent_1  +, writes (14 December 2008):
 I am really fed up and disgusted when 13 to 15 year olds ask about how they can have sex.. And how they lost their virginity.. Having sex that early is a curse.. I am really worried for a lot of people on here.The other day a 13 year old was 'torn between two guys' and today a 13 year old REALLY wants to get fingered.. When i was that age, i didn't know anything about sex and stuff.. I don't know where these kids are going..
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