A
female
age
41-50,
*istantshadow
writes:While I wait and hoping to marry someday, as to I'm in my mid 30's, seems have decline. Next thing I knew, everyone asked, why am I not married?? I want to tell them, I'm ugly, miserable bitch that nobody want. All I could said, I don't have the answer. I spent 7 long years with one guy, who's a virgin and grew up abusive household. Where did it go wrong? I was compelling for him talk about our relationship and to ask me to stay. If he really cares, at all. All the freaky sacrifices and amends I made means nothing to him. Its end. All I could think, What is wrong with me, why no one want me? Why can't anyone tell me what's wrong with me?? If nothing wrong with me, why am I still single??? Why am I not married?? Shoot, I'm not a rich girl, grew up in poverty, I have very little standard. Everything becomes automatically my fault for every failed relationships, because something I did wrong and I don't even know it. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, distantshadow +, writes (30 June 2011):
distantshadow is verified as being by the original poster of the question I only said I'm ugly because people told me themselves. I never knew beauty until a guy permanently wrote ugly in my year book in 6th grade. I never think of myself ugly or fugly. So when you take a look in the past, your life is pretty much damaged from the beginning, from how your peers mistreated you and the lost and loneliness you feel. I stopped living when I was 4 years old, because I was molested, my parents divorced that time, and lack of communication skills. So no, its not my attitude, I have seens the way people looked at me,
A
female
reader, Confident Lady  +, writes (5 March 2011):
Dearie, you are not ugly. I too am not married, am in my mid thirties. Honestly I have moments when I feel terribly low, hey but dearie I have learnt to encourage myself and pull myself together.It isn't easy but trust me positive thinking does help, even if its fake. Fake it until you make it. As am typing am talking to myself. You attract your kind. Build yourself and do those things that make you happy , look the part you want to attract.I must say it isn't an easy road but people have passed this route and come out victorious. Use spiritual tips like prayer, have a relationship with God.There isn't any greater encouragement than the one you give yourself. The future is definitely bright, hold yourself and surround yourself with family and true friends and you will see the remarkable changes in your life.
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A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove  +, writes (28 February 2011):
 "I want to tell them, I'm ugly, miserable bitch that nobody want." Do you feel this way about yourself? Because if you do, people around you may pick up on you feeling this way about yourself and you will attract the 'wrong' kind of men."I was compelling for him talk about our relationship and to ask me to stay. If he really cares, at all. All the freaky sacrifices and amends I made means nothing to him. Its end." You asked this man to talk about your relationship and to stay with you if he cared. You made "sacrifices and amends" that he did not value. Maybe he didn't see what you did as "sacrifices and amends"."All I could think, What is wrong with me, why no one want me?" It has been my experiences that people attract people who are similar to themselves. In other words if you smile a lot you will attract someone who also smiles a lot. If you are physically fit you will attract someone physically fit. And so on."Everything becomes automatically my fault for every failed relationships, because something I did wrong and I don't even know it." This is not fair to you. If people are saying it's your fault but not giving you details then I would say they need to explain what exactly it is you did wrong. I think you should go to different places to meet different men than the ones you've been in relationships with. In the past, where have you met the men you have been in relationships with?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): I didn't get married until my early 30s, and I HATED when people did asked me why I was single. I too used to think it was my fault, and then I became sulky. Here's what worked for me: Quit feeling sorry for yourself. It sounds like you have some self-esteem issues. You are not going to find a quality man until you fix those issues. You say you're ugly, for instance. Very few people are really, truly ugly. Go to the salon and get a new hair style. Go to the make up counter at a department store and ask for some make up tips. Pick up a few new pieces for your wardrobe. Start exercising. Most importantly, pick up some Crest white strips and smile. Happy people are addictive, and even if you have to ACT happy, sooner or later you'll feel happier. Next, you need to meet people. Join a church singles group or try volunteering. You'll feel good about yourself, when you help others and see that you're better off then you thought you were. When people ask you why you're single, just say, "I haven't met any nice, stable guys lately, but I'm interested in finding them." Maybe they'll know someone to set you up with. (That's how I met my spouse!) Lastly, try eharmony or match.com. Meet prospective daters in a neutral location and just enjoy dating. Don't get all hung up on anyone until you've had a chance to really get to know each other. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (28 February 2011):
 Your issues are beyond the scope of an advice column such as this one. I do not think English is your first language or that you are from the United States, so I'm unsure as how to advise you.
My opinion is that you need professional help to deal with your past before you can think about being with another. If professional help is available to you, I would seriously consider making an appointment with a qualified professional.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): Hi there, try not to worry about why other are asking if you are married, maybe you should get out the movie, "My big fat Greek wedding" It is about a 30 something person who lives with her family, then becomes confident and gets married. This may seem a bit of a light hearted thing to do when you are feeling down - however I believe it might inspire you to start thinking positively again.
No one is worthless and there is nothing 'wrong' with you.
Marriage does not just 'happen' on it's own though and it is not a solution to anyones unhappiness. Perhaps you can reflect on what you learnt about your relationship, it sounds like you have a good grip on what he did wrong and maybe there were a couple of things that you learnt about yourself too.
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