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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My husband used to watch porn quite a lot, wich I found out by accident. I was shocked and confronted him later after I couln't keep those tremendous hurt feelings to myselfe anymore. After a while he was able to cut his visits to the pornsites shorter. He claimes that watching porn has absolute nothing to do with our sexlife. He tells me, that he is still very attracted to me, loves to have sex with me, is very satisfied with our sex...and so on. Basically what all men try to tell their partners, when watching porn becomes an issue. So nothing new here. Yes, most of us woman will never understand why men have to watch porn even though they have a very willing and loving woman right beside them in bed. But I really want to know, whom do men really have in their minds the next time they have sex! Their partner or the hot chick from the last porn they watched ?I don't expect my husband to give me a honest answere to this question. So all you loving and honest husbands and men out there, can you please help me out here. I guess all we woman(or most of us) want to know what our role is in bed for men who watch porn.
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male
reader, manofmanyquestions  +, writes (21 April 2011):
you have a vagina, and you have boobs. he's having sex with you which means he likes you, so whats the problem? real life is always better than whats on a screen..
A
male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (19 April 2011):
Your role is wife, the woman they love, never a substitute for the girls from the porn films. I've done light porn in my younger days (being the spanker in two spanking videos and the 'top' in some bondage stuff) and when you've shared a dressing room with the actresses (low budgets are usually the norm) you can easily see how pleasantly ordinary they really are, especially with their hair scraped back, no makeup and in the baggy clothes they wear on they way to the shoot to divert unwelcome attention. Funnily enough there's no talk of sex on set apart from technical discussions of the matter at hand. And when it's over, we all go to our separate homes. So believe me, they're not really fantasy material. But who's in YOUR head now and again when your husband sleeps with you? Movie star? Faceless gang of pirates? Captain of your high school football team? The human mind is a strange thing, and if you can't control your own thoughts, (and why should you- every girl's gotta get ravished by a gymful of body-builders now and again) don't presume to wonder what goes on in your partner's mind. It isn't relevent.
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A
male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (19 April 2011):
 Although I can't speak for all men (and I think that is very important to remember when reading any responses, because there is no single perspective in matters of sexuality), I don't believe men usually fantasize about particular women they see in a porn. Porn turns men on, but when it comes time to get it on they are most likely in the moment.As for what your role is in bed for men who watch porn, I must say I don't think that "men who watch porn" even deserves to be a sub-set of the male population. The overwhelming majority of men watch porn, to some degree.It certainly can become an unhealthy obsession for many men, whose porn consumption can lead to dissatisfaction with their significant other. And in this case I do think that the matter should be handled frankly and with effort. For the rest of the male population, who enjoy looking at nude women, it is just a part of life. The best way I know how to describe this urge is that the curiosity and fascination with the female body gives men (and in this case I am speaking for myself, truth be told) the desire to see every woman on the earth naked. And I mean that in a funny yet serious way. For this reason, you see many instances where a famous female first appears nude in a magazine such as Playboy, and the magazine sells 13,758,024 copies. But then, subsequent nude "sightings" garner much less interest. When a man is in a relationship with a women, most likely he finds her attractive enough that she will always turn him on. I know this may seem like it is off the subject, but it really isn't. The male curiosity and desire to see women naked really is a different part of the male mind than sexual involvement with the woman they love. And this distinction is almost impossible for women to understand.So, while viewing porn may turn him on, the women in those pictures or videos are part of a fantasy attraction that men know is not reality. And it is never going to replace the woman that is part of reality.And all of this is coming from a male that is not addicted to porn. I can go two weeks without looking at "porn" and not even think about it. So, maybe there are many men who do have a bigger problem with it. I still don't think that even these men often think of random and anonymous women they have seen in a porn while having sex with their significant other.You certainly don't have any new "role" to play in bed because your man has viewed porn.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (19 April 2011):
Hi there. Don't take it personally. He is probably trying to spice up your love life, that's all.
It serves no further purpose than as a fantasy, that's all.
It probably just gets him in the mood for lovemaking, nothing more than that.
Don't give it any further thought, it's neither here nor there really.
I really don't think for one minute that he is comparing you to the girls on the porn screen. Not at all.
So don't even go there with your mind. It just isn't so.
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