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Who do you prefer, a good boy or a bad boy, both girls and guys opinions matters

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Question - (10 December 2010) 10 Answers - (Newest, 14 December 2010)
A male United States age 30-35, *lwhy writes:

Hey this is just a short question.

I've been curious, is it true that girls only go for bad boys? I'm usually considered as the good boy which a lot of my female friends told me. So it has always been on my mind for awhile.

Girls and guys opinion:

Which do you prefer, a good boy or a bad boy.

and why? and what's the difference?

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A male reader, elwhy United States +, writes (14 December 2010):

elwhy is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for the comments and opinions, sorry it took so long to get to reply to my own question. I can guess why girls woudl consider a bad boy, out of excitement, but i guess being the nice guy is a better option for the future

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A female reader, r_a_w_r1645 United States +, writes (10 December 2010):

r_a_w_r1645 agony aunthonestly, i would like a "bad boy" but a good one is fine too. it doesnt matter to me.

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A male reader, Mr Clark United States +, writes (10 December 2010):

It might depend on how you define a "good boy" and "bad boy". I read someplace that there are actually two completely different types of men who both tend to be labeled "bad boys".

According to this way of looking at things, the first type of man is a "true" bad boy in the sense that he's just a nasty, inconsiderate person who doesn't care about other people's feelings, he has little self-discipline, he tends to get in trouble with the law, etc. He may lay on lots of compliments and so on when talking to a woman, but it's mostly just BS because he thinks it will help him get in her pants. According to this "theory", few women are actually attracted to this type of man.

The second type of "bad boy" is a guy who loves women, and he knows how to flirt with them, charm them, etc. to get with them. This type of guy may very well have a good job, no criminal history, etc., and he probably does care about other people's feelings. When he's flirting with a woman, he is really attracted to her, and he's not just putting on an act to get what he wants from her. But, he has trouble being happy with any one woman, so he tends to avoid committed relationships. He's not abusive or dishonest, but women end up getting hurt by him because he moves on quickly to the next woman, and many of the women don't recognize what type of person they're dealing with when they first meet him. Women may say he's a "bad boy" after they get hurt by him, but he's not a "bad boy" in the same sense that the truely nasty guy is.

This way of looking at it makes some sense to me. Some guys get the idea that they have to mistreat women in order for the woman to be attracted to them because they've heard that women like "bad boys". But, what women often really mean by a "bad boy" is a guy who knows how to get lots of women, but he doesn't want to settle down with just one.

To my mind, it's not so much a question of whether or not a guy is a "bad boy", it's a question of whether or not he knows how to approach women, flirt with them, charm them, etc.

Of course, the theory might all be hogwash.

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A female reader, forever_love2014 United States +, writes (10 December 2010):

thats not true, we do like "bad boys" because theyre exciting and i guess you can say dangerous... girls are attracted to that. but at some point they will realize, like i did, that a bad boy isnt someone they want to marry and have kids with oneday, they really want a responsible man that they can live a happy, successful life with. so if youre already considered a "good boy", keep it that way, and maybe add a little bit of edge or mystery to you for the girls=] hope i helped.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010):

It's all about natural selection. The most successful offspring comes when you put together a combination of bad boy genetics with a nice guy father figure.

So women get lustful for alpha males when they're young and most fertile. Then later on she "grows out of it" and starts liking nice guys more. It's because now she needs a "good provider" to help raise those kids she got from the alphas. Evolution has fine tuned her preferences in men to help the offspring the best.

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (10 December 2010):

LazyGuy agony auntFrom my experience, what women want is a man. But the rules of society say that women must wait for the man to come to them. So they sit, go to bars, dance and wait... and wait...

Now, who is more likely to find a woman waiting for a man to approach her? A "good" boy who is busy with study, career or his gf OR the "bad" boy who is always prowling for new women regardless of study, career or his gf's?

Shocking news flash! Guys that look for sex, find it!

Girls go out with guys that ask them... who would have thought! Why do you think I use my nick? Because I know so called bad boys and the difference between them and me is NOT that I am nice to women, but that I simply can't be bothered to hit on them constantly. Simple example, years ago we came back from a long day work and stopped at a gas station for a snack and petrol. There was a girl there. My "bad" mate hit on her. She wasn't super attractive or anything but he just hit on her. Not in a nasty way, just greeted, made small talk. She liked it or at least smiled. She didn't smile at me because I never even bothered to acknowledge her existence.

Real bad boys just learned that there skills at being able to talk to any girl without their head exploding from the empty talk, got their choice of women desperate for any men to talk to them.

I have had a girl from my youth ask me why I never asked her out with the hint that she thought I was a nice guy. I wasn't. I just was to busy with other stuff to pursue women. Look more closely at the women here who end up with bad boys, many don't know any better because no nice guy ever asked them out.

How can a good girl looking for a good guy say yes, if he never asks?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010):

Depends what you mean by "bad boy". If you mean a drug user, cheater or someone with a criminal recored, then no. Everyone woman likes a bit of excitement and i personally can't stand a guy who's a wimp and is too polite.

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A female reader, BadAsh6705 United States +, writes (10 December 2010):

BadAsh6705 agony auntI think a lot of women are attracted to "bad boys" for the wrong reasons: because it is a challenge, because women feel compelled to nurture and guide others, because we want to feel needed by someone. These are all selfish reasons.

All we really want is someone to love us. Show us that you are truthful and reliable, that's all we really want. Whether you are "good" or "bad."

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A male reader, Jmtmj Australia +, writes (10 December 2010):

Jmtmj agony auntIn my opinion the problem with this question is that what people SAY they want versus what they are actually ATTRACTED to want can be very different.

I've asked many a girl this question and almost all of them say they want a "good" guy, only to turn around and date yet another "bad" guy. Occasionally a girl will say she wants a good guy who treats her right, but with a streak of bad guy to him.

Attraction isn't a choice, you can't simply choose to flick a switch and instantly be attracted to somebody. The frustrating thing is that a lot of the qualities that can make people seem more attractive (especially when young)- they're found in jerks. Where as the qualities that make a "good" guy attractive seem to be appreciated a lot more by girls later in life... and after they've dated enough jerks to know better.

Look around this site and see how many questions you can find that say something along the lines of : "My boyfriend is perfect, caring, treats me like a princess but I can't stop thinking about this other guy/ex who treated me badly"

Just my 2 cents anyhoo.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (10 December 2010):

CindyCares agony aunt Define " good " or " bad ".

Logically most women would prefer a good boy.

The problem is that most guys think that being " good "

simply means holding a job, not having a criminal record, not being and alcoholic or a drug addict, and saying "thank you " and "please " when appropriate.

This is an excellent , commendable start... but it's a start.

I think women want a a guy who interests them and excite them. The younger ones, or the most immature, will overlook the red flags and will go to bad boys to get that.

The others will want a good guy...who is also interesting and exciting.

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