A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:when is my bad luck going to end, nothing in my life has been simple. people may say "oh just get over it, your life is what you make it" but nothing i do ends up being simple, i reckon iv gone through more in my 20years of being on this earth then 20 people go through in a life time!from when i was 3 years old (because thats how far i can remember back) until i was 12years old, my sister abused me, physically and mentally/emotionally, my mum and dad did nothing at it only stopped when we moved house and i got a bedroom of my own. my dads always been the controling type, he wanted me to be this little girl who he liked. when i started to become my own person he didnt like it, he used to shout at me for the littlist things. he didnt like the music i listen to, the clothes i wear, the programs i watched. he said if i ever get a tattoo, piercings or dye my hair he'd disown me. so i did all 3. not because of him, because i wanted to, im quite gothic so i have lip peircings and black hair (im originally blonde) he disliked me that much he said to me "the sooner i leave (their house) the better"i got bullied through out my secondary school, it wasnt just one or two people, it was my whole year. there was a group of people that all hung out, about 3/4 of the year (180 people in my year) i used to hide in the toilets at break and dinner, 3 girls decided to smash my windows and threaten to kill me, my mum made me appologise to the girls to try and make them stop!! in the end my mum took me out of school. Then my best mate started spreading rumours about me that ended up my only two other mates i did have falling out with me, one of which didnt talk to me for 3years and now we dont talk at all.i did my gcse's at college, even that wasnt simple. i hung out with a group of guys, my mum went on holiday so i invited them round for a drink, anyway it kicked off between two of my mates and my mates cousin came to try and sort it out. he raped me in the morning when everyone left, i didnt know until i told the teachers at college, he was actually a support teacher! so ended up leaving college.i went to a different college and it was ok, i met my fiance just before i went to this different college. i went on a 2year course at this college and half way through i got pregnant so had to quit it. then all my friends i made turned against me. one of my so called mates tried it on with my fiance. i found texts on his phone when i was 5months pregnant and had moved in with him the day before! this almost broke us up, but i didnt want this slag to get what she wanted so i forgave him. half of my other mates have decided to turn against me aswell taking this girls side and blanking me! we've both had friends who have tried to split us up, his so called mate kept telling me he's cheating on me, hes been seen with his ex, some-one in a bar etc, which nearly caused us to split up.the birth of my son was a nightmare, he didnt want to come out and i was in labour 3days, i ended up having a c-section because the labour didnt progress.now me and my fiance are getting married next month (been planning it for a year) he told me he'd saved money for our wedding so didnt worry. about 2weeks ago i learned that he had spent the wedding money, he says on bills. his hours at work got cut down so we are now on benifits. he says he spent money on the bills because the benefits didnt back pay him, which i think it total bull. the weddings been on n off for ages because of money now. he said we can afford it, im just hoping he can otherwise ill be humiliated! and to top it off my so called mate now says she probably wont be able to come because shes got know money, yet she can afford to go out getting drunk! shes meant to be bringing 2of my friends, 1of them is our photographer as we cant afford one! but iv accepted that because all i want is to marry my fiance!All i want is a happy life, why is everything going wrong? why when anything good happens its never simple! i talk to no one from my secondary school, only one person from my first college and only a handful of people from my 2nd college. the people from my 2nd college live in another city as i went to a college outside of my city. i have no mates close to where i live so i have know one. i dont get along with my family for obvious reasons and my partner doesnt have much of a family. when will my bad luck end?
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at work, bullied, cousin, drunk, fiance, goth, his ex, money, moved in, on holiday, split up, tattoo, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, distantshadow  +, writes (4 April 2011):
 You're almost exactly in same path as I went through. We simply want to have a good day without being heckling. When it gonna end?? Probably not, unless you makes effort to change things that's becoming you, not what you became. Get rid of old mates/friends, because they keep making things worse for you. Start looking for new friends (my new friends are mostly gay§ and lesbians, and only thing I like about this group is that they're none judgemental, and making you feel welcome). All you simply needs, is make a new start. Things get tough all around, as it does for me. Be yourself, be who you want to be and find peace with yourself. Try yoga, or meditiating. And try find tiny good things in midst of bad.
A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (17 October 2010):
 Well said ohgetreal
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (16 October 2010):
Hi,
I'm SOOO sorry to hear what you have been through at such a young age. I can understand your frustrations 100%.
I think that the best thing that you should do is to go to yr Dr explain what has happened above and your frustrations and ask him to refer you to a councillor.
I feel that some of yr issues are beyond the scope of this site and that with the right professional help, you will be much happier.
Dont blame yourself for the bad luck.Try and be positive and keep away from people who are there to drain you with thier negativity. I'm sure that they see that you are a good person thats why they come to you.
Pls see yr Dr ASAP...the sooner you do so the happier you will be.
Good Luck and let us know how you get on.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (16 October 2010):
 Your life is simply happening to you because when you were a child you learned to normalize bad behavior as a survival mechanism in your dysfunctional family environment. You gave over your internal locus of control and believe that external locus of control is what is constantly making your life turn out the way it is, but it isn't serving you well any more.
Bad luck isn't happening to you any more, you are personally making your own bad luck by the choices you are making with regards to your choice of friends, your choice of self presentation and your choice in a partner who can't put his commitment to you in action (go get married at the courthouse have a wedding when you can afford it)
I strongly suggest that you get some therapy so that you can sort yourself out and learn to have better coping skills and decision making skills and recognize when a relationship is healthy or not and how to stay away from abusive, abnormally functioning people...
It will be the best thing you can do for yourself. If you are on benefits I think the UK has programs like this available to you for free.
Hopefully, someone from the UK can point you to those organizations, sorry I can't.
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