A
female
age
30-35,
*issAnnonimus
writes:Dear cupid,I m desperate!I ve been with this guy for 3 years,it was a distance relationship and this year i was finally about to move to his country and move in with him!I was searching 4 schools and jobs there,and it was all more difficult cause i am in non-EEA.And when u think that u will finally come to an end after all those cryings and sufferings on airport,life surprises you.I spend last month at his place 4 holiday and when i came back 2 weeks ago,i got it so bad,i was crying so much and i said i want to break up cause this is too much and nothing is happening 4 us.But i only said that to shake him and make him do something cause i thought he cant live without me.But all he did was agreeing with me,saying its the best 4 all.We than agreed not to talk,but he kept texting me,sending me message and informing me when he comes back from town,saying how he still has a need to do that!He said how this means end of his world,how he cant function,how he misses me like never before.But he also said how he s fighting with his heart and head,how we should make up if we get into some money one day???But than...i got message from his sister wishing me all the best in my future single life!!!!THAT beat me to the floor!Cause we argued before but he had never said anything to his family!and in all that anger i sent him an unpleasant message but all truth!i send him more and he wasnt responding and that made me changed my relationship status on facebook(stupid,but i felt like an idiot,cause i was still have profile we used together while he was spreading around how he s single! )So i didnt hear from him in a while,and i talked with his female friend and she said how he s not the same person anymore,how he is sad and offended by my message!We argued true mails little more,and i sent one more hurtful message and than left him 4 few days!But i was going crazy meanwhile from missing him,so i ve left my pride behind,called him and said how much i love him and miss him and how we should meet on skype and talk it out!He didnt want!I begged him,cried but he didnt!He told me how it was a relief 4 him when i said i want to break up,how he doesnt love me anymore as much,cause it didnt happen now,it was already 4 a while...like every time he saw me crying on airport a bucked in his heart was filling and now he doesnt wanna live with me anymore,not marry or have kids,or imagine any future!And he blamed me how i didnt talk with my dad about moving.(But i couldnt go to my dad without final plan,cause i would need his financial help in the begining and i couldnt just say hey i m moving,cause thats serious).And he said how he bought flat this year,and did his part!But i needed his help to move to his country which i didnt get at the end :(And he also said,imagine if u move,things go wrong and than i have to pay 4 two!:@@@And how he ll stick to his decision,cause in time i ll see its better 4 both and i should find other bf!OMG,I wanted to D.I.E!I didnt want to hear from him anymore!After that he send me message how he changed his mind and want to talk on skype,but i didnt respond!he also texted my gf!But after texting me milion times and my gf,and saying how he wants to see me i agreed and we talked on skype but without cam,cause he said how cant see me!And than on skype,he told me how i m stupid,how i should ve seen from the way he was kissing me,touching me and all if he loves me or not.And that was confusing,cause i could ve seen love in his eyes.He also said how i hurt him way too much with my hurtful messages(4 which i apologized)and how that needs time to heal,how apologize cant help.And how i think only of my self and how he hurt me.But its just not the same pain in my opinion when one offends the other and when one tells how he doesnt love u and doesnt want anything with u anymore.He also told me that i should ve instead of feeling sorry 4 myself,do something,talk with my dad,and come to Holland.Than a min later he says how its too late now,than like why should i be with u if that makes u happy and i am not happy.Than min later like,who said i m not happy with u ...omg i cant understand him!Than how it hurt him when i said i ll send him his things threw post,than how he feels good without me,little weird, sometimes hard,but not that bad.And that i should not push thing,that time needs to pass,that it was too early that we talked,but i ll see in time that this was better.And even at one point he said how he loves me that much,that if he knows i ll be happier with other guy from my country he would let me go :@And also like,imagine if u move and something happens,i m trying to prevent u from bigger pain!And now i didnt hear anything from him for 3 days and i m going crazy!One sec he is saying one thing,other something completely different!I am beyond confused! :(That was a guy that was ready to do anything 4 me,he was coming to my country with plane every second weekend,was paying up to 600-700e 4 a ticket(cause i m a student here and i coudnt afford),he wanted to move to my country(which is not as good as his to live in),he wanted to do whatever for me...and now :(seems like he doesnt care anymore!Please give me some advide,cause i m desperate!I love him more than anything,and i would do whatever to get back with him,cause even though we had distance relationship,it was perfect and we both thought that was it!And i ve fight so hard 4 this,gave 110% of me in this relationship,and am so serious about this even though i just turned 21!Also one more thing,when i was at his place,i noticed him watching pics with his friends when they were partying,and going alone on vacations and thats not possible anymore cause they all have gfs and are all the time with them!Also when i tell him he s 26,he gets so annoyed-like i am not 26,i am 25 :) even though this year he ll turn 26 :)So maybe he just got scared of a serious step or he just got cold and dont love me anymore,which is really difficult to swallow cause this was such a love,like in novels :'(I want my fairy tale back,it cant be just taken away from me in a day :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MissAnnonimus +, writes (5 September 2012):
MissAnnonimus is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you so much!We ve talked meanwhile and he told me how he had lied to me he doesnt love me less,or anything like that,he forgot about all the bad things i ve said to him and we kinda made up :)He said we just need to grow in our relationship,and i ve said to just take it slow in this period :) But we just realized we cant be without each other when we talked,we still say things at the same time,still have so much chemistry and i hope it will all be good ;)When i said fairy tale,i didnt mean literally,but threw all these time i was with him i was so happy that i would wake up in the morning and feel surreal!I was scared how good we were functioning,how much he was caring 4 me and doing things 4 me...only problem from beginning was the distance!So thats pretty much what i meant!I am always 4 love and really believing in it,so i hope that things also work out 4 u from the bottom of my heart!Tnx to everybody that had reacted on my question!Greetings!
A
male
reader, dylan co  +, writes (5 September 2012):
Telling someone who loves you that you want to break up with them can never end well. May be he only agreed as he was shocked and hurt. If a girl did that to me and I loved her, I would be very confused and reasses the relationship even if she wanted to get back together. Hurtful messages will just cement pushing him away. Look for a new love
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2012): I did the same thing a few weeks ago, I think you should just wait and think about what you've done and what's wrong in the relationship. But after you've done all that u should text him or call him whatever you have to do to tell him how you feel and try to get him back. You love him and can't see it ending so don't let it end and No life isn't a fairy-tale but make it as good as possible for you. I hope you two work things out
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A
female
reader, malletchick76  +, writes (2 September 2012):
 Quick question, why did you have to move to his country? How did you meet?
Here's how I look at it.
1.) Perhaps this is a good thing, it shows that he is not the one for you. If he really loved you, breaking up would not be an option.
2.) Give him space and then try to reconcile in a few months. Be honest with him and tell him that you were trying to gauge a reaction when you proposed the break up for whatever reason.
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A
female
reader, MissAnnonimus +, writes (29 August 2012):
MissAnnonimus is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for you honest answer.
If would read letter like this,i would probably react the same way.
I would think,what an immature and stupid idiots.
But the fact is,that even though we re acting silly lately,
we really had a good and quality relationship.
Thats the reason i am so shocked right now.
We were best friend before all,the team,just me and him,
we loved each other crazy.It was relationship that was based on honesty and respect,and we were always supporting each other.We always felt that we were made for each other,cause we like the same things,even say things at the same time,think the same...People were even surprised how serious and mature we were for our age,so i dont understand why is this happening.
Maybe you are right that i should just move on with my life,
but if you were me what would you do?Break something that till 2 weeks ago was so strong,lasted 3 years,and the most importantly move on if you love that person more than anything in the world and you are willing to do anything?
And when i was last with him,2 weeks ago,i could also felt that he loves me and heard him saying that.And thats the parth i cant forget.Maybe you think i m a fool,but its just not easy when you were fighting for this 3 yeras,crying every 2 weeks on airports,praying to god to help you,planned ur life with that person till the last detail.
Call me an idiot,but i just dont know how to let it go.:'(
But anyway,thank you!
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (29 August 2012):
You need to face facts. Fairy tales are fantasy, that’s not how life works. Frankly, the two of you are not going to have a happy ending and the sooner you accept that, the better. By keep contacting each other, you’re making this even more painful for yourselves. Accept that it’s over, wish each other well and cut contact, then get as much support from those around you as you need. You are either both immature, or just incompatible. One minute you say you love each other, next minute he’s telling you that it’s over and you’re sending hurtful text messages. Telling him you wanted to break up with him to get attention has to be one of the most absurd things I’ve ever read on Dearcupid, and I’ve seen some odd notions on here. It’s a ridiculous, failing relationship that has clearly fallen apart and needs to be ended for good. Moving to another country is a huge sacrifice and with a relationship as flawed as this, it would be a disaster. It seems as though you’re in denial about the fact that it’s over between you, but you really do just need to get that in to your head. Are you scared that accepting it would hurt you emotionally? I would be being dishonest if I told you that it won’t be hard, but this situation is even worse. Stop skyping, texting and calling, cut contact and move on.
I wish you all the very best.
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