A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Hello. I am 13 yrs. old. I am in the 8th grade. I dont have many friends. I dont really like people, and people dont really like me, but I want friends. I hope it will get better in high school, but I dont think so, and I dont know why I think it will get better there. When I turn 18, I want to move to New York, become a writer or photographer, be around people, but im a recluse, which is why I want to move there. As you can see, I think one thing about something, but beat it down with all my negativity. I dont believe it when people say, "You never know". I cant see myself going anywhere. Not long ago [1 hour], me and my mother went to check the mail in our neighborhood. We have a bike that I never ride [because im so paranoid], but I did this time. I even wore shorts [which is a HUGE stretch for me]. Everytime a car or a person would go by us, I would just flip out. I had to be close to my mom the whole time [remember now, im 13]. Then we went walking. I told my mother that im scared of the world. I dont trust people, im paranoid, at every turn I think that somebody will take me. She said that she went through a phase like that when she was in her early 20's [married]. She forced herself to go roller skating by herself and she got over it. I told her that I probably wont get married because im to scared to go out. I said I will probably have to meet somebody in high school and settle for that. She said, "Maybe". The chances of me finding anybody to marry are very slim. Whenver I see a couple I feel a pang of sadness, its not so much as not having a boyfriend than it is having someone that cares for me. Then she said, "Do I need to get you help?, do I need to take you to a psychiatrist?". Now, I thought she was kidding because we joke about things and laugh [although we arent that close, the only thing I think we have in common is our humor]. When I asked if she was kidding she said, "No, im being serious". I told her maybe. Although I can never see myself doing it, we cant afford it, and I dont want to tell anyone EVERYTHING that im thinking because they'll think I was crazy. I dont know what makes me this way. I have posted questions on here before about other things and when people give me advice I dont do it. Its like I do it, just to get it. I dont know. I'll think about trying out for a sport, then dont it. What can I do? Whats wrong with me? Should I go to a psychiatrist? I dont want to be alone forever. I want to live life and meet people, but then again, thats one of the things I always say im going to do, but just dont believe it will ever happen. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): hey you have somthing called social anxeity disorder (social phobia) atleast thats what it sounds like
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): You sound like me at your age, except I'm a guy. 8th grade wasn't a great year (in fact it kind of sucked). I didn't fit in anywhere and only had a few "freinds". These were people that I was freindly with in class, but I had zero real freinds. I was scared to make freinds due to the craziness at my home, and I didn't want anyone coming over and exposing the secret (lot's of alcoholism at home).
9th grade was better, but I started hanging out with some rough guys (and girls), but I wasn't into drugs, which was really lucky for me. in 10th grade I figured out that I needed to redefine myself and totally changed who I hung around with. I found a great group of kids in the technical theater. Not actors, but the people that work behind the scenes. Made many fiends that I'm still close to today.
Didn't date a lot in HS, but went to college and met a wonderful girl and dated her for 2 years, then broke up, and met another girl, who years later I married.
Life will happen, usually when you least expect it. It's normal to fell weird at your age. You're going through a lot as you grow, and part of the funk is hormone related. It's natural (still sucks), just know that many people can really relate to what you're expressing.
Your time will come, but not for a few years. Stay in school, graduate, and get off to college. life gets really good!
FYI: Most all the girls in my HS bloomed after graduation and were knock outs at our first reunion. It was incredible, and some of the most plain girls were beautiful (all the football players looked old and fat, and NONE of them played college or pro ball!)
If you need to see someone to personally work with you on this, that's fine! It may only take a few sessions, you may just need some personal reassurance.
Take each day as it comes, and PLEASE try to NOT be worrying about tomorrow. Many of us have made ourselves miserable worrying about some problem that never came. Focus on today, and nothing else.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 October 2010):
 From what you wrote, you sound normal to me. The world can be an unfriendly place for teenagers, full of dark forces. The future can be unpredictable. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a recluse. Going to a psychiatrist would help you rule out what you suspect you have. Expressing feelings are okay. Don't describe yourself just so that you fit in a diagnostic criteria. You may feel that giving yourself a label can strengthen your identity, or give you a reason to not go out and meet people, for the sake of being safe. There are actually many reclusive people like you. Some go under a facade so that they are just like everybody else, while others don't bother and enjoy their solitude. There are people who learn enough social skills just to get ahead in their careers, but they really have no inerests building friendships outside of work. They do find the other half who understand them and complement them. When you go online you will find a lot of lonely people just like you. Let's say you must get married by the age of 40, at the latest. You still have 27 years to go. It's way too early to worry about this. I don't know about the career for writing and photography. It's something you can find solace from the outside world.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (30 October 2010):
 Hey there sweet thing,
I don't think you need a psychiatrist. I think you need a therapist or psychologist. I don't think there is medically anything wrong with you, I think that you're a vivid thinker and really smart and it's interfering with your life. Having someone to talk to might clear up some of your questions - and be able to respond to you more intellectually, which you're likely to really understand and appreciate. You just sound so bright!
I also understand your fear of the world. It can be a scary place. Take some self defense courses and get yourself more prepared for it. In terms of getting more friends, I recommend getting involved with more activities. Joing that sports club, book club, rock climbing... or theater. You sound great for theater and if you're going to NYC, you ought to get familiar with the theater scene. Theater will help you add depth to your writing and photography. Anyway, any activity will do! That way you can be actively doing something and getting to know new people. It's fun, great for a resumé, and is less scary than just approaching people and saying, "hey, let's hang out!".
And sometimes you have to force yourself to do something. The satisfaction of having done it will outweigh the procrastinating you're doing. Tell your Mom to nag you about trying out. Write notes to yourself. Set an alarm on your cell phone. "TODAY YOU ARE TRYING OUT!!!". Maybe tell a teacher you're interested, and they can help encourage you to just do it!
Good luck, sweetness. :o)
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (30 October 2010):
 You sound to me like a fairly intelligent 13 year old... so I hope you take this advice on board when I say I recommend seeing a psych- trust me, after some of the people they see everyday they're NOT going to think your crazy, nor judge you, nor tell anybody what you tell them.
Who cares about the money, don't use that as an excuse, whats more worthwhile than improving your entire outlook on life? Seriously...
Go once, just commit to going once... then you can play it from there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): Okay girl, look, you sound very intelligent and sweet and that is a good thing!!!! What you have to do is learn to share it with the world!! For one thing, you need to realize how special you are and how unique you are.Remember that it doesn't matter what others think. I think that if you start opening up, the world will become more open to you!!! :)
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female
reader, EtTuBrute +, writes (30 October 2010):
 Whoa! Slow down hun. I know you're worried about this issue but you need to focus on how this affects you now. You really shouldn't be worrying about marriage at thirteen-fifteen years old.
If you are this worried though, I would think about seeing a psychiatrist. Even a school counselor could help. They'll be able to get to the root of your problem a lot more efficiently than anyone online can. It make take some time, but I think it'll benefit you.
Just talk to you mom and tell her you want to try a session. If you feel a little better or just hopeful after it, then tell her that too and explain to her that you'd really like to continue to see the therapist.
The only thing I can truly tell from your post is a major lack of self confidence but I can't give you suggestions on how to fix that because I don't know where that stems from.
Sorry I couldn't help you anymore. I wish you the best of luck.
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female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] +, writes (30 October 2010):
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) Listen to this quote please. "If you want to succeed, you must believe". It's true, you HAVE to believe in yourself. Look in the mirror, boost your self esteem. Go to counseling, let loose on your emotions, don't hold anything back. No one is holding you from doing so. If you want friends, than you need to approach find someone you think may be nice and talk to them, and find interesting topics. Compliment them, tell them they look nice! The psychiatrists will not think you're crazy, it's their job to help you with your issues. If you want to move to New York, an become a writer than it takes alot of work.. You just have to try best, and yes join a sport, a group in or out of school. Something that'll have you make friends and you'll enjoy doing. Best of luck hun, xoxox.
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A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (30 October 2010):
Yes you should definitely go to talk to someone about what is going on with you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing that. It may help you to stop feeling paranoid. No one is "crazy," people are different. Everyone goes through different emotions and situations. If you want friends my advice would be to meet new people, be nice, calm, genuine but most of all be yourself! Have fun you are very young, no need to worry about a boyfriend now. But if you cant afford the sessions, maybe you can make an appointment with your school counselor! Good luck!
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