A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Should I wait for him to choose?I was dating a guy for a while, we were first very good friends. Things were okay but then he felt I was nagging and complaining all the time, also, not supportive of his career. Because of those reasons he chose to be with someone else. He devestated my life, I was so broken hearted. About three months later we started talking again because "he thought he was ready to move on from me when he got in a relationship but now is unsure." We were suppose to see if things would work out between he and I, then he would make a choice but I could not stand being in the situation so I left. He was hurt and angry by that and I eventually came back...only to leave again...and again! This is a terrible situation to be in because I love him and cant stand to think of him with someone else. This back and fourth has been going on for about a year. He feels like he cant trust me because I always leave and he feels I may up and leave while being engaged to be married or something. What should I do? Show him I am here for him and love him or force him to choose? Put a time limit on it or what? He is a great man,funny, spends time with me, make sure I am okay financially, always pays for everything when we go out etc., and we laugh all the time! We get along great, he is also financially stable with a very high profile career (this is why he was so upset i was not supportive.) He communicates with me on a regular, text messages, phone calls and when he is home we see each other regularly. He is a great man to settle down with, he is 29 and I am 27 so it is about time to start thinking of the future. We have been communicating again for about a month now. He works out of town and flew me to see him despite his insane schedule so I feel he has feelings for me. This time I am trying to be patient and stick it out. Should I??? Any opinions on what to do?? How to get him to see I love him and be with me??Men and women welcome.Need Help
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female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (30 October 2010):
TO XANTHIC, I would definitely leave because he was still with her. And to him, that would be the worst thing I could do is leave him. It is hard to humble yourself and wait for him to decide, but I feel like by leaving I just may make the situation worse. I am not sure.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): Thank you all for your replies! The Dr. gave some good advice and I appreciate that, I did use to complain because he was so busy and I guess I just missed him. Now I try to be there for him and support his career and understand that he has demands put upon him.
As for the female reader at the bottom, I do not feel I am shallow. What person would not want to be with someone that is stable financially? Or on there way to being stable? I will not actively choose someone with no ambition that I would have to struggle with for the rest of my life. I do not mind working with someone while he is in school and on his way to being successful, but if he is doing nothing then why would I choose him? I am studying for my masters so I want someone equally as ambitious. I do not try to control the man I am seeing. The situation hurts like hell sometimes and that is why I leave, but I love him so I end up coming back. But thank you for your response.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (30 October 2010):
 You've given him a year to decide, yet this other girl is still in the picture? If he can't drop her and fully commit to you and only you, he's not worth the time.
Is the reason you kept leaving because he was still hanging on to her or someone else, or were there other reasons?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): Dont give this man an ultimatum, dont nag. Tell him once only that you can't resume the relationship in any way until he makes a 100% commitment to you, via a letter to you. Then no more contact unless you get that iron clad written commitment as above. If you were in a business partnership this is the commitment you would seek. You are just as important in a relationship. This man is not acting honorably. Neither of the women has his individed 100% attention. While he enjoys the competing between two women each trying to jump hoops to 'appeal' to him. Move on, find a more honorable ethical man with the courage of his convictions to honor, cherish and be 100% loyal to one woman, and not look back. Why value yourself so lowly that you think 50% commitment from him is OK? Dont give him an ultimatum
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A
female
reader, stupid-cupid  +, writes (30 October 2010):
Heyy =]
If you love him, and feel he loves you, then you could give him a second chance. But i know personally, if he left you once, for what ever reason, he could leave you again.
Remember, you cannot love, or be loved in slices. If 'nagging' is a part of you, he [or who ever else] will have to learn to love that as much as the love the rest.
One of my favorite quotes is from Marlyn Monroe: "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
Read over the last line.
I wish you luck, and i hope you take what i said into consideration; But in reality the decision is yours alone, and words on a paper/screen will have little impact.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): I'm a 33 year old male (doctor) and probably the most devastating thing to your chances with this guy is to be critical of his career. That is the same to a guy as a woman being told she has a "fat a$$"! If this guy is like any I know, he may end up with you if he or his friends think you are "hot" (physically) or is desperate to settle down and get married. But he will have a very hard time truly loving you.
Sorry to give you the blunt advice and it's only my opinion. Is there a chance? I suppose, but it will take a HUGE effort on your part to PROVE you have unconditional love for him before he will trust you enough to ever open his heart.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): i believe you do not love him, but you do see him as a reliable financial provider. I also believe he is a wimp to put up with your dilly dallying shenanigans as you try to control him and have him acceding to your every whim. You may be spoilt and nagging and selfish now. But when he finds out the extent of your shallowness then that will be very good day, for him. What you do with your life to make it more meaningful i do hope you find your passion. But trust me, th not him
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