A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Im in my late 30's and I've just finished a 4 year relationship because i found out that he was cheating on me with another woman, i was devastated because i thought he was happy with me. How do I get over him? because i feel so depressed, i won't take him back but i really want to move on, but everytime i hear a song on the radio or a place where we used to go i get upset. Whats the best way to get over someone?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): hi i am 15 i have been cheated on my x boyfriend slept with ,my sister. and i crnt take it i love him do u think if i take him bk he will cheat on me and lie to me
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (13 May 2007):
 Just keep reminding yourself that you are doing the right thing and the one thing he hates is the fact that you are ignoring him and he is the schmuck as he has lost you - wonderful you.
Just take one day at a time and although it is hard stay busy and keep your friends and family close to you.
Keep on ignoring the texts and messages and stay strong OK.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes you are right..he has tried to call me and txt me messages saying he has been missing me but iv been ignoring him,its hard but i dont trust him anymore.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2007): I am amazed how many people are going through the same thing. It sucks but life goes on. He will always be a cheater. He is no good for you or anyone else. Feel sorry for the next woman that comes along because he will be doing the same thing. He is not worth it. He is the scum of the earth. Just pick yourself up and move on.
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A
female
reader, trueheartconfused  +, writes (2 May 2007):
I know what you mean , we all do , when you are heart broken, it is like every breath you take hurts, we've all been there.You are doing the right thing by not taking him back, one day he will be completely out of your system , guaranteed.
Find a "break up buddy" , friends are extreamly important at this stage, they will help you take your mind off him and keep you on the right track of recovery , get yourself busy, find something to do , so your mind will not be focused on your pain much.
I like to do a little thinking at a time like this, I would write down all his bad qualities on paper, whenever I miss him or have the urge to call him , I would look at the paper and remembering how bad he was to me and how wrong it was for me to fall in love with him. Most importantly , I would treat myself as if I got a curable desease, I would take good care of myself , nurture myself back to health , one day at a time.
Hope this helps.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (1 May 2007):
Wow what fantastic advice you have received from AskEve and RoyoftheRovers, I totally agree with both of them.
You have been part of a couple and when you feel content and happy in a relationship we don't always see the awful bombshell that is about to drop until it is too late.
I know 4 years is a long time in a relationship, I was in my relationship for almost 20 years and I found out he was seeing someone else which had been going on for 2 and a half years without my knowledge at all and this started after my daughter turned 7 months. I was happy concentrating on my baby and did not think for one second that he was even capable of it.
Yes like the others said you will grieve for the lost relationship and the happy memories you shared together and it doesn't happen over night.
At the moment you are still in a state of shock by the sounds of things and you will also go through the anger stage at some point as well which is all normal.
You do come out the other side and you do start to live again and as the others have said the one thing that gets you through it all is to start to believe in yourself and don't hide away, spend time with close friends and family and when they say he is a lousy sleeze you will start to believe them honestly.
He broke your trust and did not have the guts to talk to you about it before going off and doing it. I think speaking to some sort of counsellor as well may help i.e. Relate as you don't have to be in a couple to go and they are impartial which is very good, although a lot of the advice you get from this site is also very sound advice but never professional so just don't feel like you are on your own ever OK.
You do need to look at all the things that you enjoy in life that maybe he never wanted to do or start to think about making plans for something like a fantastic holiday with a good friend, it doesn't have to be an expensive one but maybe even a pamper weekend or something or a week in a caravan just letting your hair down having fun and laughter will be a tonic in itself.
When the time is right there are dating sites online which you can visit and OK there are unscrupulous people but there are also genuine men and women looking for love so don't dismiss it either. There are paid sites and also free sites i.e. girlsdateforfree.com and plentyoffish.com just look at the decent people out there who will boost your confidence no end with just a message like hi, you have a fantastic smile or something.
Believe me once you feel ready your confidence levels will soar and you will find a man who truly deserves to be with you and who will love you unconditionally honest.
Just start by taking baby steps and making plans for something nice to do for you and only you even if it is a manicure or something.
I know several people who have found happiness in new relationship with people they have met online but there are always guide lines for anyone thinking about signing up to any site so just read all the advice OK and never meet anyone unless in a crowded place and always have a fall back plan i.e. mate to ring you if you want to escape but I would not suggest any of that right now but maybe one day in the future OK.
I wish you well and we are always here no matter how often OK.
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (1 May 2007):
 There is no "best" way. You have expect to grieve for a lost love and that takes time. The best thing you can do now is keep yourself occupied and focus on YOU.
I know its hard when so many things at a time like this remind of you of memories you have and the such. This will pass.
I remember when I not so long ago went through the grieving process and I had similar feelings, everywhere I turned there would be something, a song, her car, tv programme the list goes on. But then you end up looking for these things without you realising it.
Just focus on yourself getting back on your feet. This may seem far away at the moment but your perspective of things will change as you have time to think things through.
Use the time you have to regain your thoughts and slowly you WILL start to recover. Everyone is different so it may be a few weeks or it may be months, just hang in there and keep your friends close to you at a time like this.
x
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (1 May 2007):
 I'm sorry to hear that your relationship broke up, 4 years is a long time to be together with someone and there will be a lot of memories. I could go on here and give you pointers but I think the best way is to give you this link which I think says it all. Forgetting him won't happen overnight though, it will take time.
http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Over-a-Break-Up
Because you've been together so long you'll be full of different emotions. "What will I do without him?" "Will I ever meet someone else?" "How on earth do I cope getting back on the dating scene?" "Will anyone even want me?" All of these questions (and more) will come to mind. It might be a good idea just to sit down and "find yourself" again. "What do I really want from my life?" "What things are most important to me?" "What do I REALLY want for my future?" Here is another link that I think will help you.
http://www.wikihow.com/Find-Yourself
Feel free to email me if you want to talk about this some more or if you think I can help you forget, okay?
Eve
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