A
male
age
30-35,
*-763
writes:Dear AllI feel my relationship is dead :(Basically, I was in love for the first time with an amazing girl. I had never loved someone like I did her and I'm not one of your average under sixteen teenagers who has an alleged 'girl friend' every other day!We were unofficially together for two years and just under five months. She is the most beautiful and popular girl in my whole year (as she is what I cool a sensible and a ‘lady’). She’s intelligent. she doesn't just choose anyone. She was my dream come true, I was shocked she accepted me.We got off great as friends and then became more that, but we never said we were. I missed three d**n opportunities to say 'Will you be mine, I love you' but I didn't'. I just didn’t want to cross the more friends’ line as I was unsure if she liked me (being my first love).After the third time she ignored me in what I think was disgust. I tried ever way to get her back, asking for her number. Giving her constant looks, buying her an expensive present, sending a love message and finally saying ‘I really really like you!'but i don't think you feel the same it was a mistake texting you, it must be so annoying, sorry.' still to this today she ignores me and I have recieved no reply :oAs the relationship started to go down hill back in early March, I have cursed my self for my actions since. I really honestly feel I shall never get her back. She was so discreet as well, most of my friend’s don't understand as she kept the relationship almost secret, she was so clever!Before my plans to get her back worked, for a day, she would give me a look or two but then it was like she thought over it, then it was the same! I felt very depressed back in late March/early April, by now my brain is ok (I act normal), but my heart was crying!At the end of last week, after telling her how I feel I gave up! She looked thoughtful and uncomfortable all week. I said stuff it, I was foolish leave her! Just try and forget about her. At first I found it so hard, just looking at her made me sad and I would think ‘You are so beautiful!’By early this week I was managing ok, my scares stayed inside and always shall slightly I guess, but I was ‘ok’. Then she starts playing with my mind after all that! It’s like every morning, I see her she will be like everyone else laugh with me, sometimes randomly try and get involved in conversation. I look back at her but then look down as I feel so bad and can’t look at her, she notices. Then she shall go back to her usual status with me.Some of her friends have asked me if I liked her, I said yes I do! They said that she had shown them the message; I asked if she felt uncomfortable (as if maybe I had gone too far!). They said no and smiled and said ‘we think she may like you’. WHAT THE HELL!?, I thought!Teachers at school have noticed the situation I can tell, they look at me when I look at her straight faced and end up looking down (as I previously said). Me and my lover we're ment to be!I can’t talk to friends/her friends as they are just as confused (as we kept the relationship so low). I can’t tell how she feels as she doesn’t say, she’s a bit shy. Does she feel I’m bothering her? Is she upset that the relationship feels nearly dead. I just don’t know.We are going away to another area of Europe in two and a bit weeks time as a group of 30 people. She didn’t know if I was going until I was asking her friend if he was going and he said no, she then whispered to him to ask me if I was going? Why, I wonder? I replied to her friend ‘yes I look forward to it then people can see who I really am!’ (as know one has seen me out of school before).I’m worried as there is a trip meeting in a week’s time and our parents are going, both don’t approve of relationships under sixteen. I’m worried that if she is feeling like I have gone too far that she has told her parents and they are going to approach mine at the meeting!!!!Sometimes she is firm with me then today when I didn’t have a text book she gave me a spare near her and smiled and I said 'you keep it please' (as the class we’re sharing between two and she smiled and said ‘no thanks, you have it’????????? Other days when i open a door for her she ignores me!Do I need to tell her face to face I love her, and plea to accept me, although how do I know, that could annoy her bad if she finds me excessive (unknown)?Do I leave her and try and forget her?Do I try and win her back on the trip in the Mediterranean (the perfect scene lol)?Does anyone understand her actions?Thank you so, so much!G-763In a state of emergency lol.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Chado +, writes (9 May 2007):
I don't agree with either answer above. After reading much about the subject of relationships and trying to apply certain principles, many of them don't work. The reason why it does no good to tell someone that they are stressing out over nothing is because what is very stressful and exhausting and difficult to one person may be simple and easy and sometimes even fun to another. This relationship is important to you, or you wouldn't have sought advice. What happens in relationships is that we forget HOW TO RELATE. The word relationship is a varient from the word RELATE. And part of relating is understanding who you truly are, and who the other person truly is too. But it is difficult to learn how other people deal with life and certain circumstances, and why they behave one way, when we would have behaved differently (or so we think) when we are faced with the same challenge. If for instance, someone believes they would behave differently but have never gone through the circumstance, they don't really know. "I would never do that, if that happened to me" has turned out to be quite a mantra between well-intentioned people, who have not faced the same circumstance. In order to truly understand why someone behaves differently than you would (or think you would), you must first understand the concept of diversity within humanity. We have all had different life experiences, which lead us in different directions. Supposing you had been beaten up as a kid, you would probably be very cautious in making new friends, and people may interpret this as being shy, or anti-social... but in your mind you just want to make sure people are trust worthy. Now imagine someone who had never been beaten up, making new friends might be easier for them. Even with just that one little difference, and the rest of the life being the same, the results would be affected by it. As difficult as it may seem, I think the true answer is to understand her as a whole. I could be wrong, and I wish I could tell you how, but if you aren't relating, you don't have a relationship. So, the simple answer is learn how to relate to each other. So how do you learn to relate, when things are difficult? I haven't quite found that answer, but the cure seems to be in relating, identifying, or so I believe.
A
female
reader, LittleTwoLegs  +, writes (1 May 2007):
 I think you are stressing out over nothing. Take it easy! You are so nervous! It is obvious with your diction that you're more than the average "under sixteener" which also adds a lot more to your train of thought, in turn causing you to stress out over things you can't control.First off I would suggest this to you: be confident. Don't be fickle or wishy-washy about what you say or what you want from this girl. Your girl will want to know that you are positive about what you want (her) and she's not just an afterthought or something just for convinience sake. Think it through when you are considering on telling her something thick coated: firstly ask yourself if it's necessary to say or if it's going to take the mystery away or add unnecessary weight to your dilemna.Most likely you'll find that, if there is anything holding this girl back, it is your unsurity about yourself. Sure you know you want to be with her and that's great, but if you're already picking at yourself over all of this stuff, do you really think she wants to get involved so that you can begin picking at her, too?Best wishes
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (1 May 2007):
 first if all long letter!!i think this girl is playing with your mind and unless she is treating you well, you need to forget her,no one needs to be treated like this especially if u say ur in love with her.act towards her as you would any other friend and hopefully you will be able to try and get over her.you are very young and this is not the first time you will feel like this with someone.if you dont treat her any different then maybe she will also be able to realise wat she really wants.as for the looks,txts etc,it may seem a bit too forward so try and cool it down a bit.enjoy ur trip and try to get on with everyone else.good luck i hope this helps
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